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  • Title: Much Ado About Nothing (Folio 1, 1623)
  • Editor: Gretchen Minton
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-516-2

    Copyright Gretchen Minton. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Gretchen Minton
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    Much Ado About Nothing (Folio 1, 1623)

    Actus primus, Scena prima.
    Enter Leonato Gouernour of Messina, Innogen his wife, He-
    ro his daughter, and Beatrice his Neece, with a messenger.
    5I Learne in this Letter, that Don Peter of Arra-
    gon, comes this night to Messina.
    Mess. He is very neere by this: he was not
    three Leagues off when I left him.
    Leon. How many Gentlemen haue you lost in this
    Mess. But few of any sort, and none of name.
    Leon. A victorie is twice it selfe, when the atchieuer
    brings home full numbers: I finde heere, that Don Pe-
    ter hath bestowed much honor on a yong Florentine, cal-
    15led Claudio.
    Mess. Much deseru'd on his part, and equally remem-
    bred by Don Pedro, he hath borne himselfe beyond the
    promise of his age, doing in the figure of a Lambe, the
    feats of a Lion, he hath indeede better bettred expecta-
    20tion, then you must expect of me to tell you how.
    Leo. He hath an Vnckle heere in Messina, wil be very
    much glad of it.
    Mess. I haue alreadie deliuered him letters, and there
    appeares much ioy in him, euen so much, that ioy could
    25not shew it selfe modest enough, without a badg of bit-
    Leo. Did he breake out into teares?
    Mess. In great measure.
    Leo. A kinde ouerflow of kindnesse, there are no fa-
    30ces truer, then those that are so wash'd, how much bet-
    ter is it to weepe at ioy, then to ioy at weeping?
    Bea. I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from
    the warres, or no?
    Mess. I know none of that name, Lady, there was
    35none such in the armie of any sort.
    Leon. What is he that you aske for Neece?
    Hero. My cousin meanes Signior Benedick of Padua
    Mess. O he's return'd, and as pleasant as euer he was.
    Beat. He set vp his bils here in Messina, & challeng'd
    40Cupid at the Flight: and my Vnckles foole reading the
    Challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at
    the Burbolt. I pray you, how many hath hee kil'd and
    eaten in these warres? But how many hath he kil'd? for
    indeed, I promis'd to eate all of his killing.
    45Leon. 'Faith Neece, you taxe Signior Benedicke too
    much, but hee'l be meet with you, I doubt it not.
    Mess. He hath done good seruice Lady in these wars.
    Beat. You had musty victuall, and he hath holpe to
    ease it: he's a very valiant Trencher-man, hee hath an
    50excellent stomacke.
    Mess. And a good souldier too Lady.
    Beat. And a good souldier to a Lady. But what is he
    to a Lord?
    Mess. A Lord to a Lord, a man to a man, stuft with
    55all honourable vertues.
    Beat. It is so indeed, he is no lesse then a stuft man:
    but for the stuffing well, we are all mortall.
    Leon. You must not (sir) mistake my Neece, there is
    a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick, & her:
    60they neuer meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between
    Bea. Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last con-
    flict, foure of his fiue wits went halting off, and now is
    the whole man gouern'd with one: so that if hee haue
    65wit enough to keepe himselfe warme, let him beare it
    for a difference betweene himselfe and his horse: For it
    is all the wealth that he hath left, to be knowne a reaso-
    nable creature. Who is his companion now? He hath
    euery month a new sworne brother.
    70Mess. I'st possible?
    Beat. Very easily possible: he weares his faith but as
    the fashion of his hat, it euer changes with ye next block.
    Mess. I see (Lady) the Gentleman is not in your
    75Bea. No, and he were, I would burne my study. But
    I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young
    squarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the
    Mess. He is most in the company of the right noble
    Beat. O Lord, he will hang vpon him like a disease:
    he is sooner caught then the pestilence, and the taker
    runs presently mad. God helpe the noble Claudio, if hee
    haue caught the Benedict, it will cost him a thousand
    85pound ere he be cur'd.
    Mess. I will hold friends with you Lady.
    Bea. Do good friend.
    Leo. You'l ne're run mad Neece.
    Bea. No, not till a hot Ianuary.
    90Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd.
    Enter don Pedro, Claudio, Benedicke, Balthasar,
    and Iohn the bastard.
    Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet
    your trouble: the fashion of the world is to auoid cost,
    95and you encounter it.
    Leon. Neuer came trouble to my house in the likenes
    of your Grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
    remaine: but when you depart from me, sorrow abides,
    and happinesse takes his leaue.
    100Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly: I
    thinke this is your daughter.
    Leonato. Her mother hath many times told me so.
    Bened. Were you in doubt that you askt her?
    Leonato. Signior Benedicke, no, for then were you a
    Pedro. You haue it full Benedicke, we may ghesse by
    this, what you are, being a man, truely the Lady fathers
    her selfe: be happie Lady, for you are like an honorable
    110Ben. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
    haue his head on her shoulders for al Messina, as like him
    as she is.
    Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior
    Benedicke, no body markes you.
    115Ben. What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet
    Beat. Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee
    hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke?
    Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in
    120her presence.
    Bene. Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is cer-
    taine I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and
    I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard
    heart, for truely I loue none.
    125Beat. A deere happinesse to women, they would else
    haue beene troubled with a pernitious Suter, I thanke
    God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I
    had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man
    sweare he loues me.
    130Bene. God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde,
    so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate
    scratcht face.
    Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere
    such a face as yours were.
    135Bene. Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher.
    Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of
    Ben. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue,
    and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods
    140name, I haue done.
    Beat. You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know
    you of old.
    Pedro. This is the summe of all: Leonato, signior Clau-
    dio, and signior Benedicke; my deere friend Leonato, hath
    145inuited you all, I tell him we shall stay here, at the least
    a moneth, and he heartily praies some occasion may de-
    taine vs longer: I dare sweare hee is no hypocrite, but
    praies from his heart.
    Leon. If you sweare, my Lord, you shall not be for-
    150sworne, let mee bid you welcome, my Lord, being re-
    conciled to the Prince your brother: I owe you all
    Iohn. I thanke you, I am not of many words, but I
    thanke you.
    155Leon. Please it your grace leade on?
    Pedro. Your hand Leonato, we will goe together.
    Exeunt. Manet Benedicke and Claudio.
    Clau. Benedicke, didst thou note the daughter of sig-
    nior Leonato?
    160Bene. I noted her not, but I lookt on her.
    Claud. Is she not a modest yong Ladie?
    Bene. Doe you question me as an honest man should
    doe, for my simple true iudgement? or would you haue
    me speake after my custome, as being a professed tyrant
    165to their sexe?
    Clau. No, I pray thee speake in sober iudgement.
    Bene. Why yfaith me thinks shee's too low for a hie
    praise, too browne for a faire praise, and too little for a
    great praise, onely this commendation I can affoord her,
    170that were shee other then she is, she were vnhandsome,
    and being no other, but as she is, I doe not like her.
    Clau. Thou think'st I am in sport, I pray thee tell me
    truely how thou lik'st her.
    Bene. Would you buie her, that you enquier after
    Clau. Can the world buie such a iewell?
    Ben. Yea, and a case to put it into, but speake you this
    with a sad brow? Or doe you play the flowting iacke, to
    tell vs Cupid is a good Hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare
    180Carpenter: Come, in what key shall a man take you to
    goe in the song?
    Clau. In mine eie, she is the sweetest Ladie that euer
    I lookt on.
    Bene. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no
    185such matter: there's her cosin, and she were not possest
    with a furie, exceedes her as much in beautie, as the first
    of Maie doth the last of December: but I hope you haue
    no intent to turne husband, haue you?
    Clau. I would scarce trust my selfe, though I had
    190sworne the contrarie, if Hero would be my wife.
    Bene. Ist come to this? in faith hath not the world one
    man but he will weare his cap with suspition? shall I ne-
    uer see a batcheller of three score againe? goe to yfaith,
    and thou wilt needes thrust thy necke into a yoke, weare
    195the print of it, and sigh away sundaies: looke, don Pedro
    is returned to seeke you.
    Enter don Pedro, Iohn the bastard.
    Pedr. What secret hath held you here, that you fol-
    lowed not to Leonatoes?
    200Bened. I would your Grace would constraine mee to
    Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegeance.
    Ben. You heare, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a
    dumbe man, I would haue you thinke so (but on my al-
    205legiance, marke you this, on my allegiance) hee is in
    loue, With who? now that is your Graces part: marke
    how short his answere is, with Hero, Leonatoes short
    Clau. If this were so, so were it vttred.
    210Bened. Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas
    not so: but indeede, God forbid it should be so.
    Clau. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
    should be otherwise.
    Pedro. Amen, if you loue her, for the Ladie is verie
    215well worthie.
    Clau. You speake this to fetch me in, my Lord.
    Pedr. By my troth I speake my thought.
    Clau. And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine.
    Bened. And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I
    220speake mine.
    Clau. That I loue her, I feele.
    Pedr. That she is worthie, I know.
    Bened. That I neither feele how shee should be lo-
    ued, nor know how shee should be worthie, is the
    225opinion that fire cannot melt out of me, I will die in it at
    the stake.
    Pedr. Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the de-
    spight of Beautie.
    Clau. And neuer could maintaine his part, but in the
    230force of his will.
    Ben. That a woman conceiued me, I thanke her: that
    she brought mee vp, I likewise giue her most humble
    thankes: but that I will haue a rechate winded in my
    forehead, or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke, all
    235women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the
    wrong to mistrust any, I will doe my selfe the right to
    trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may goe the
    finer) I will liue a Batchellor.
    Pedro. I shall see thee ere I die, looke pale with loue.
    240Bene. With anger, with sicknesse, or with hunger,
    my Lord, not with loue: proue that euer I loose more
    blood with loue, then I will get againe with drinking,
    picke out mine eyes with a Ballet-makers pe
    nne, and
    hang me vp at the doore of a brothel-house for the signe
    245of blinde Cupid.
    Pedro. Well, if euer thou doost fall from this faith,
    thou wilt proue a notable argument.
    Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a Cat, & shoot
    at me, and he that hit's me, let him be clapt on the shoul-
    250der, and cal'd Adam.
    Pedro. Well, as time shall trie: In time the sauage
    Bull doth beare tne yoake.
    Bene. The sauage bull may, but if euer the sensible
    Benedicke beare it, plucke off the bulles hornes, and set
    255them in my forehead, and let me be vildely painted, and
    in such great Letters as they write, heere is good horse
    to hire: let them signifie vnder my signe, here you may
    see Benedicke the married man.
    Clau. If this should euer happen, thou wouldst bee
    260horne mad.
    Pedro. Nay, if Cupid haue not spent all his Quiuer in
    Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.
    Bene. I looke for an earthquake too then.
    Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the houres, in
    265the meane time, good Signior Benedicke, repaire to Leo-
    natoes, commend me to him, and tell him I will not faile
    him at supper, for indeede he hath made great prepara-
    Bene. I haue almost matter enough in me for such an
    270Embassage, and so I commit you.
    Clau. To the tuition of God. From my house, if I
    had it.
    Pedro. The sixt of Iuly. Your louing friend, Benedick.
    Bene. Nay mocke not, mocke not; the body of your
    275discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the
    guardes are but slightly basted on neither, ere you flout
    old ends any further, examine your conscience, and so I
    leaue you.
    Clau. My Liege, your Highnesse now may doe mee
    Pedro. My loue is thine to teach, teach it but how,
    And thou shalt see how apt it is to learne
    Any hard Lesson that may do thee good.
    Clau. Hath Leonato any sonne my Lord?
    285Pedro. No childe but Hero, she's his onely heire.
    Dost thou affect her Claudio?
    Clau. O my Lord,
    When you went onward on this ended action,
    I look'd vpon her with a souldiers eie,
    290That lik'd, but had a rougher taske in hand,
    Than to driue liking to the name of loue:
    But now I am return'd, and that warre-thoughts
    Haue left their places vacant: in their roomes,
    Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
    295All prompting mee how faire yong Hero is,
    Saying I lik'd her ere I went to warres.
    Pedro. Thou wilt be like a louer presently,
    And tire the hearer with a booke of words:
    If thou dost loue faire Hero, cherish it,
    300And I will breake with her: wast not to this end,
    That thou beganst to twist so fine a story?
    Clau. How sweetly doe you minister to loue,
    That know loues griefe by his complexion!
    But lest my liking might too sodaine seeme,
    305I would haue salu'd it with a longer treatise.
    Ped. What need ye bridge much broder then the flood?
    The fairest graunt is the necessitie:
    Looke what will serue, is fit: 'tis once, thou louest,
    And I will fit thee with the remedie,
    310I know we shall haue reuelling to night,
    I will assume thy part in some disguise,
    And tell faire Hero I am Claudio,
    And in her bosome Ile vnclaspe my heart,
    And take her hearing prisoner with the force
    315And strong incounter of my amorous tale:
    Then after, to her father will I breake,
    And the conclusion is, shee shall be thine,
    In practise let vs put it presently.