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  • Title: As You Like It (Modern)
  • Editor: David Bevington
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-369-4

    Copyright David Bevington. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: David Bevington
    Peer Reviewed

    As You Like It (Modern)

    [5.4]
    Enter Duke Senior, Amiens, Jaques, Orlando, Oliver, [and] Celia.
    2575Duke Senior
    Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
    Can do all this that he hath promised?
    Orlando
    I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not,
    As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
    Enter Rosalind, Silvius, and Phoebe.
    2580Rosalind
    Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged.
    [To the Duke]
    You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
    You will bestow her on Orlando here?
    Duke Senior
    That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
    Rosalind
    [To Orlando]
    And you say you will have her when I bring her?
    2585Orlando
    That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
    Rosalind
    [To Phoebe]
    You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?
    Phoebe
    That will I, should I die the hour after.
    Rosalind
    But if you do refuse to marry me,
    You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
    2590Phoebe
    So is the bargain.
    Rosalind
    [To Silvius]
    You say that you'll have Phoebe if she will?
    Silvius
    Though to have her and death were both one thing.
    Rosalind
    I have promised to make all this matter even.
    2595Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter;
    You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;
    Keep you your word, Phoebe, that you'll marry me,
    Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd;
    Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her
    2600If she refuse me; and from hence I go,
    To make these doubts all even.
    Exeunt Rosalind and Celia.
    Duke Senior
    I do remember in this shepherd boy
    Some lively touches of my daughter's favor.
    Orlando
    My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
    2605Methought he was a brother to your daughter.
    But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
    And hath been tutored in the rudiments
    Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
    Whom he reports to be a great magician,
    2610Enter [Touchstone the] Clown and Audrey.
    Obscurèd in the circle of this forest.
    Jaques
    There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called 2615fools.
    Touchstone
    Salutation and greeting to you all!
    Jaques
    [To the Duke]
    Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a courtier, he swears.
    2620Touchstone
    If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
    2625Jaques
    And how was that ta'en up?
    Touchstone
    Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
    Jaques
    How seventh cause? -- Good my lord, like this fellow.
    2630Duke Senior
    I like him very well.
    Touchstone
    God 'ild you, sir, I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favored thing, 2635sir, but mine own; a poor humor of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.
    Duke Senior
    By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
    2640Touchstone
    According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
    Jaques
    But for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
    Touchstone
    Upon a lie seven times removed -- bear your 2645body more seeming, Audrey -- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard. He sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word 2650he cut it to please himself. This is called the Quip Modest. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment. This is called the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true. This is called the Reproof Valiant. If again it was not well cut, he would 2655say I lie. This is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
    Jaques
    And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
    Touchstone
    I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, 2660nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.
    Jaques
    Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
    Touchstone
    Oh, sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you 2665have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, 2670the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as: "If you said so, then I said so"; 2675and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If.
    Jaques
    [To the Duke]
    Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He's as good at anything, and yet a fool.
    Duke Senior
    He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under 2680the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
    Enter Hymen, Rosalind, and Celia.Still music. [Rosalind and Celia are no longer disguised.]
    Hymen
    Then is there mirth in heaven,
    When earthly things made even
    2685 Atone together.
    Good Duke, receive thy daughter;
    Hymen from heaven brought her,
    Yea, brought her hither,
    That thou mightst join her hand with his,
    2690Whose heart within his bosom is.
    Rosalind
    [To the Duke]
    To you I give myself, for I am yours.
    [To Orlando]
    To you I give myself, for I am yours.
    Duke Senior
    If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
    Orlando
    If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
    2695Phoebe
    If sight and shape be true,
    Why then, my love adieu!
    Rosalind
    [To the Duke]
    I'll have no father, if you be not he;
    [To Orlando]
    I'll have no husband, if you be not he;
    [To Phoebe]
    Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
    Hymen
    Peace, ho! I bar confusion.
    2700'Tis I must make conclusion
    Of these most strange events.
    Here's eight that must take hands
    To join in Hymen's bands,
    If truth holds true contents.
    [To Orlando and Rosalind]
    2705You and you no cross shall part.
    [To Oliver and Celia]
    You and you are heart in heart.
    [To Phoebe]
    You to his love must accord,
    Or have a woman to your lord.
    [To Touchstone and Audrey]
    You and you are sure together,
    2710As the winter to foul weather.
    [To All]
    Whiles a wedlock hymn we sing,
    Feed yourselves with questioning,
    That reason wonder may diminish,
    How thus we met, and these things finish.
    2715Song.
    Wedding is great Juno's crown,
    O blessèd bond of board and bed!
    'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
    High wedlock then be honorèd.
    2720Honor, high honor and renown
    To Hymen, god of every town!
    Duke Senior
    [To Celia]
    O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
    Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
    Phoebe
    [To Silvius]
    I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
    2725Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
    Enter Second Brother [Jaques de Boys].
    Jaques de Boys
    Let me have audience for a word or two.
    I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
    That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
    2730Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
    Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
    Addressed a mighty power, which were on foot
    In his own conduct, purposely to take
    His brother here, and put him to the sword;
    2735And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,
    Where, meeting with an old religious man,
    After some question with him, was converted
    Both from his enterprise and from the world,
    His crown bequeathing to his banished brother,
    2740And all their lands restored to them again
    That were with him exiled. This to be true
    I do engage my life.
    Duke Senior
    Welcome, young man.
    Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
    2745To one his lands withheld, and to the other
    A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
    First, in this forest let us do those ends
    That here were well begun and well begot;
    And after, every of this happy number
    2750That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
    Shall share the good of our returnèd fortune,
    According to the measure of their states.
    Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity,
    And fall into our rustic revelry.
    2755Play, music! And you brides and bridegrooms all,
    With measure heaped in joy, to th' measures fall.
    Jaques
    Sir, by your patience. [To Jaques de Boys] If I heard you rightly,
    The Duke hath put on a religious life,
    And thrown into neglect the pompous court.
    2760Jaques de Boys
    He hath.
    Jaques
    To him will I. Out of these convertites
    There is much matter to be heard and learned.
    [To the Duke]
    You to your former honor I bequeath;
    Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.
    [To Orlando]
    2765You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
    [To Oliver]
    You to your land and love and great allies;
    [To Silvius]
    You to a long and well-deservèd bed;
    [To Touchstone]
    And you to wrangling, for thy loving voyage
    Is but for two months victualled. -- So to your pleasures;
    2770I am for other than for dancing measures.
    Duke Senior
    Stay, Jaques, stay!
    Jaques
    To see no pastime, I. What you would have
    I'll stay to know at your abandoned cave.
    Exit.
    Duke Senior
    Proceed, proceed. We'll begin these rites,
    2775As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.
    [They dance.] Exeunt [all but Rosalind].