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  • Title: Henry IV, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1598)
  • Editor: Rosemary Gaby

  • Copyright Rosemary Gaby. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Rosemary Gaby
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Henry IV, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1598)

    Enter a Drawer or two.
    Francis What the diuel hast thou brought there apple
    Iohns? thou knowest sir Iohn cannot indure an apple Iohn.
    Draw. Mas thou saist true, the prince once set a dish of ap-
    1035ple Iohns before him, and tolde him there were fiue more sir
    Iohns, and putting off his hat, said, I will now take my leaue of
    these six drie, round, old, withered Knights, it angred him to
    the heart, but he hath forgot that.
    1040Fran. Why then couer and set them downe, and see if
    thou canst find out Sneakes Noise, mistris Tere-sheet would
    faine heare some musique.
    1042.1Dra. Dispatch, the roome where they supt is too hot, theile
    come in straight.
    Francis Sirra, here wil be the prince and master Poynes a-
    non, and they will put on two of our ierkins and aprons, and sir
    1045Iohn must not know of it, Bardolfe hath brought word.
    Enter Will.
    Dra. By the mas here will be old vtis, it wil be an excellent
    Francis Ile see if I can find out Sneake.
    Enter mistris Quickly, and Doll Tere-sheet.
    Quickly Yfaith sweet heart, me thinkes now you are in an
    excellent good temperalitie. Your pulsidge beates as extraor-
    dinarily as heart would desire, and your colour I warrant you
    is as red as any rose, in good truth law: but yfaith you haue
    1055drunke too much cannaries, and thats a maruelous searching
    wine, and it perfumes the bloud ere one can say, whats this,
    how do you now?
    Tere. Better then I was: hem.
    Qui. Why thats well said, a good heart's worth gold: loe
    1060here comes sir Iohn.
    enter sir Iohn.
    sir Iohn
    When Arthur first in court,
    empty the iourdan
    was a worthy King
    : how now mistris Doll?
    host. Sicke of a calme, yea good faith.
    1065Falst. So is all her sect, and they be once in a calme they are
    Tere. A pox damne you, you muddie rascall, is that all the
    comfort you giue me?
    Falst. You make fat rascals mistris Dol.
    1070Tere. I make them? gluttonie, and diseases make, I make
    them not.
    Falst. If the cooke help to make the gluttonie, you helpe to
    make the diseases Doll, we catch of you Doll, we catch of you
    graunt that my poore vertue, grant that.
    1075Doll Yea ioy, our chaines and our iewels.
    Fa. Your brooches, pearles, & ouches for to serue brauely,
    is to come halting off, you know to come off the breach, with
    his pike bent brauely, and to surgerie brauely, to venture vpon
    the chargde chambers brauely.
    1079.1Doll Hang your selfe, you muddie Cunger, hang your
    host By my troth this is the old fashion, you two neuer meet
    but you fall to some discord, you are both ygood truth as rew
    matique as two dry tosts, you cannot one beare with anothers
    cōnfirmities, what the goodyere one must beare, & that must be
    you, you are the weaker vessell, as they say, the emptier vessel.
    Dorothy Can a weake empty vessell beare such a huge full
    hogshead? theres a whole marchānts venture of Burdeux stuffe
    1090in him, you haue not seene a hulke better stuft in the hold.
    Come, ile be friends with thee iacke, thou art going to the
    wars, and whether I shall euer see thee againe or no there is no
    body cares.
    Enter drawer.
    Dra. Sir, Antient pistol's belowe, and would speake with
    Dol Hang him swaggering rascal, let him not come hither
    it is the foule-mouthd'st rogue in England.
    host. If he swagger, let him not come here, no by my faith I
    must liue among my neighbours, Ile no swaggerers, I am in
    good name, and fame with the very best: shut the doore, there
    comes no swaggerers here, I haue not liu'd al this while to haue
    1105swaggering now, shut the doore I pray you.
    Fal. Dost thou heare hostesse?
    Host. Pray ye pacifie your selfe sir Iohn, there comes no
    swaggerers here.
    1110Fal. Dost thou heare? it is mine Ancient.
    Ho. Tilly fally, sir Iohn, nere tel me: & your ancient swag-
    grer comes not in my doores: I was before maister Tisicke
    the debuty tother day, & (as he said to me) twas no longer ago
    than wedsday last, I good faith, neighbor Quickely, sayes he,
    1115maister Dumbe our minister was by then, neighbor Quickly
    (saies he) receiue those that are ciuil, for (saide he) you are in an
    ill name: now a saide so, I can tell whereupon. For (saies he)
    you are an honest woman, and well thought on, therefore take
    heede what ghests you receiue, receiue (saies he) no swagge-
    ring companions: there comes none here: you would blesse
    you to heare what he said: no, Ile no swaggrers.
    Falst. Hees no swaggrer hostesse, a tame cheter yfaith, you
    1125may stroke him as gently as a puppy grey-hound, heele not
    swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turne backe in any
    shew of resistance, call him vp Drawer.
    Host. Cheter call you him? I will barre no honest man my
    1130house, nor no cheter, but I do not loue swagering by my troth,
    I am the worse when one saies swagger: feele maisters, how I
    shake, looke you, I warrant you.
    Teresh. So you do hostesse.
    Host. Doe I? yea in very trueth doe I, and twere an aspen
    1135leafe, I cannot abide swaggrers.
    Enter antient Pistol, and Bardolfes boy.
    Pistol God saue you sir Iohn.
    Fal. Welcome ancient Pistoll, heere Pistoll, I charge you
    with a cuppe of sacke, do you discharge vpon mine hostesse.
    Pist. I will discharge vpon her sir Iohn, with two bullets.
    Fal. shhe is pistoll proofe: sir, you shall not hardely offend
    1145Host. Come, Ile drink no proofes, nor no bullets, Ile drink
    no more than will do me good, for no mans pleasure, I.
    Pist. Then, to you mistris Dorothy, I will charge you.
    1150Doro. Charge me? I scorne you, scuruy companion: what
    you poore base rascally cheting lacke-linnen mate? away you
    mouldie rogue, away, I am meate for your maister.
    Pist. I know you mistris Dorothy.
    1155Doro. Away you cutpurse rascall, you filthy boung, away,
    by this wine Ile thrust my knife in your mouldie chappes, and
    you play the sawcie cuttle with me. Away you bottle ale ras-
    call, you basket hilt stale iuggler, you. Since when, I pray
    you sir: Gods light, with two points on your shoulder? much.
    Pist. God let me not liue, but I will murther your ruffe for
    1161.1sir Iohn No more Pistol, I would not haue you go off here,
    discharge your selfe of our company, Pistoll.
    Host. No, good captaine Pistoll, not here, sweete captaine.
    Doro. Captain, thou abhominable damnd cheter, art thou
    1165not ashamed to be called Captaine? and Captaines were of my
    mind, they would trunchion you out, for taking their names
    vpon you, before you haue earnd them: you a captaine? you
    slaue, for what? for teareing a poore whoores ruffe in a bawdy
    house: hee a captaine! hang him rogue, he liues vpon mowldy
    1170stewd pruins, and dried cakes: a captaine? Gods light these vil-
    laines wil make the word as odious as the word occupy, which
    1171.1was an excellent good worde before it was il sorted, therefore
    captains had neede look too't.
    Bard. Pray thee go downe good Ancient.
    1175Falst. Hearke thee hither mistris Dol.
    Pist. Not I, I tell thee what corporall Bardolfe, I could
    teare her, Ile be reuengde of her.
    Boy Pray thee go downe.
    Pist. Ile see her damnd first, to Plutoes damnd lake by this
    1180hānd to th'infernal deep, with erebus & tortures vile also: holde
    hooke and line, say I: downe, downe dogges, downe faters haue
    we not Hiren here?
    Host. Good captaine Peesell be quiet, tis very late yfaith, I
    beseeke you now aggrauate your choller.
    1185Pist These be good humors indeede, shal pack-horses, and
    hollow pamperd iades of Asia which cannot goe but thirtie
    mile a day, compare with Cæsars and with Canibals, and tro-
    iant Greekes? nay rather damne them with King Cerberus, and
    let the Welkin roare, shall we fall foule for toies?
    Host. By my troth captaine, these are very bitter words.
    Bard. Be gone good Ancient, this will grow to a brawle
    1195Pist. Men like dogges giue crownes like pins, haue we not
    Hiren here?
    Host. A my word Captaine, theres none such here, what
    the goodyeare do you thinke I would denie her? for Gods sake
    be quiet.
    1200Pist. Then feed and be fat, my faire Calipolis, come giues
    some sacke, si fortune me tormente sperato me contento, feare we
    brode sides? no, let the fiend giue fire, giue me some sacke, and
    sweet hart, lie thou there, come we to ful points here? and are &
    cæteraes, no things?
    Falst. Pistol, I would be quiet.
    Pist. Sweet Knight, I kisse thy neaffe, what, we haue seene
    the seuen starres.
    Dol. For Gods sake thrust him down staires, I cannot indure
    1210such a fustian rascall.
    Pist Thrust him downe staires, know we not Galloway
    Falst. Quaite him downe Bardolfe like a shoue-groat shil-
    ling, nay, and a doe nothing but speake nothing, a shall be no-
    1215thing here.
    Bard. Come, get you downe staires.
    Pist. What shall we haue incision? shall we imbrew? then
    death rocke me a sleepe, abridge my dolefull daies: why then
    let grieuons gastly gaping wounds vntwinde the sisters three,
    1220come Atropose I say.
    Host. Heres goodly stuffe toward.
    Falst. Giue me my rapier, boy.
    Dol I pray thee Iacke, I pray thee do not drawe.
    Fal. Get you downe staires.
    1225Host. Heres a goodly tumult, ile forsweare keeping house a-
    fore ile be in these tirrits and frights, so, murder I warant now,
    alas, alas, put vp your naked weapons, put vp your naked wea-
    Dol. I pray thee Iack be quiet, the rascal's gone, ah you hor-
    1230son little vliaunt villaine you.
    Host. Are you not hurte i'th groyne? me thought a made a
    shrewd thrust at your belly.
    Fal. Haue you turnd him out a doores?
    Bar. Yea sir, the rascal's drunke, you haue hurt him sir i'th
    Fal. A rascall to braue me?
    Dol A you sweet little rogue you, alas poore ape how thou
    sweatst, come let me wipe thy face, come on you horsone
    chops: a rogue, yfaith I loue thee, thou art as valorous as He-
    1240ctor of Troy, woorth fiue of Agamemnon, & ten times better
    then the nine Worthies, a villaine!
    Fal. Ah rascally slaue! I will tosse the rogue in a blanket.
    1245Dol Do and thou darst for thy heart, and thou dost, ile can-
    uas thee betweene a payre of sheetes.
    Boy The musique is come sir.
    enter musicke.
    Fal. Let them play, play sirs, sit on my knee Doll, a rascall
    1250bragging slaue! the rogue fled from me like quicksiluer.
    Dol Yfaith and thou followdst him like a church, thou
    horson little tydee Bartholemew borepigge, when wilt thou
    leaue fighting a daies and foyning a nights, and begin to patch
    1255vp thine old body for heauen.
    Enter Prince and Poynes.
    Fal Peace good Doll, do not speake like a deathes head, do
    not bid me remember mine end.
    Dol Sirra, what humour's the prince of?
    1260Fal. A good shallow yong fellow, a would haue made a
    good pantler, a would a chipt bread wel.
    Dol They say Poines has a good wit.
    Fal. He a good wit? hang him baboon, his wit's as thicke
    1265as Tewksbury mustard, theres no more conceit in him then is
    in a mallet.
    Dol Why does the prince loue him so then?
    Fal. Because their legges are both of a bignesse, and a plaies
    at quoites well, and eates cunger and fennel, and drinkes off
    1270candles endes for flappe-dragons, and rides the wilde mare
    with the boyes, and iumpes vpon ioynd-stooles, and sweares
    with a good grace, and weares his bootes very smoothe like
    vnto the signe of the Legge, and breedes no bate with tel-
    ling of discreet stories, and such other gambole faculties a has
    1275that show a weake minde, and an able bodie for the which the
    prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another, the
    weight of a haire wil turne scales between their haber de poiz.
    1280Prince Would not this naue of a wheele haue his eares cut
    Poynes Lets beate him before his whore.
    Prince Looke where the witherd elder hath not his poule
    clawd like a parrot.
    1285Poynes Is it not strange that desire should so many yeeres
    out liue performance.
    Falst. Kisse me Doll.
    Prince Saturne and Venus this yeere in coniunction? what
    saies th'Almanacke to that?
    1290Poyns And look whether the fierie Trigon his man be not
    lisping to his master, old tables, his note booke, his counsel kee-
    Falst. Thou dost giue me flattering busses.
    Dol By my troth I kisse thee with a most constant heart.
    Falst. I am old, I am old.
    Dol. I loue thee better then I loue, ere a scuruy yong boy of
    them all.
    Fal. What stuffe wilt haue a kirtle of? I shall receiue mony
    1300a thursday, shalt haue a cap to morrow: a merry song, come it
    growes late, weele to bed, thou't forget me when I am gone.
    Dol By my troth thou't set me a weeping and thou saist so,
    1305proue that euer I dresse my selfe handsome til thy returne, wel
    hearken a'th end.
    Fal. Some sacke Francis.
    Prince, Poynes Anon anon sir.
    Falst. Ha? a bastard sonne of the Kings? and arte not thou
    1310Poynes his brother?
    Prince Why thou globe of sinfull continents, what a life
    dost thou leade?
    Falst. A better then thou, I am a gentleman, thou art a
    1315Prince Very true sir, and I come to drawe you out by the
    Host. O the Lord preserue thy grace: by my troth welcom
    to London, now the Lord blesse that sweete face of thine, O
    Iesu, are you come from Wales?
    1320Falst. Thou horson madde compound of maiestie, by this
    light, flesh, and corrupt bloud, thou art welcome.
    Doll How? you fat foole I scorne you.
    Poynes My lorde, he will driue you out of your reuenge,
    and turne all to a meriment if you take not the heate.
    Prince You horson candlemine you, how vildly did you
    speake of me now, before this honest, vertuous, ciuill gentle-
    Host. Gods blessing of your good heart, and so she is by my
    Falst. Didst thou heare me?
    Prince Yea and you knew me as you did, when you ranne
    away by Gadshil, you knew I was at your backe, and spoke it,
    on purpose to trie my patience.
    1335Falst. No, no, no, not so, I did not thinke thou wast within
    Prince I shall driue you then to confesse the wilfull abuse,
    and then I know how to handle you.
    Falst. No abuse Hall a mine honour, no abuse.
    1340Prince Not to dispraise me, and cal me pantler and bread-
    chipper, and I know not what?
    Fal. No abuse Hall.
    Poynes No abuse?
    Falst No abuse Ned i'th worlde, honest Ned, none, I dis-
    1345praisde him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall
    in loue with thee: in which doing, I haue done the part of a
    carefull friend and a true subiect, and thy father is to giue me
    thankes for it, no abuse Hall, none Ned, none, no faith boyes
    1350Prince See now whether pure feare and intire cowardize,
    doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close
    with vs: is she of the wicked, is thine hostesse here of the wic-
    ked, or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolfe whose zeal
    burnes in his nose of the wicked?
    Poynes Answer thou dead elme, answer.
    Falst. The fiend hath prickt down Bardolfe irrecouerable,
    and his face is Lucifers priuy kitchin, where he doth nothing
    but rost mault-worms, for the boy there is a good angel about
    1360him, but the diuel blinds him too.
    Prince For the weomen.
    Falst. For one of them shees in hell already, and burnes
    poore soules: for th'other I owe her mony, and whether she be
    1365damnd for that I know not.
    Host. No I warrant you.
    Falst. No I thinke thou art not, I thinke thou art quit for
    that, mary there is another inditement vpon thee, for suffering
    1370flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law, for the which
    I thinke thou wilt howle.
    Host. Al vitlars do so, whats a ioynt of mutton or two in a
    whole Lent?
    Prince You gentlewoman.
    1375Dol. What saies your grace?
    Fal. His grace saies that which his flesh rebels against.
    Peyto knockes at doore.
    Host. Who knockes so lowd at doore? looke too'th doore
    there Francis.
    Prince Peyto, how now, what newes?
    Peyto The King your father is at Weminster,
    And there are twenty weake and wearied postes,
    Come from the North, and as I came along
    1385I met and ouertooke a dozen captaines,
    Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the Tauernes,
    And asking euery one for sir Iohn Falstaffe.
    Prince By heauen Poines, I feele me much too blame,
    So idely to prophane the precious time,
    1390When tempest of commotion like the south,
    Borne with blacke vapour, doth begin to melt,
    And drop vpon our bare vnarmed heads,
    Giue me my sword and cloke: Falstaffe, good night.
    Exeunt Prince and Poynes.
    1395Fal. Now comes in the sweetest morsell of the night, & we
    must hence and leaue it vnpickt: more knocking at the doore?
    how now, whats the matter?
    Bar. You must away to court sir presently,
    1400A dozen captaines stay at doore for you.
    Fal. Pay the musitians sirra, farewel hostesse, farewel Dol,
    you see (my good wenches) how men of merit are sought af-
    ter, the vndeseruer may sleepe, when the man of action is calld
    on, farewell good wenches, if I bee not sent away poste, I will
    1405see you againe ere I goe.
    Dol. I cannot speake: if my heart be not ready to burst: wel
    sweete Iacke haue a care of thy selfe.
    1410Fal. Farewell, farewell.
    Host. Well, fare thee well, I haue knowne thee these twenty
    nine yeares, come pease-cod time, but an honester, and truer
    hearted man: wel, fare thee wel.
    1415Bard. Mistris Tere-sheete.
    Host. Whats the matter?
    Bard. Bid mistris Tere-sheete come to my master.
    Host. O runne Doll, runne, runne good Doll, come, she
    1418.1comes blubberd, yea! will you come Doll?