Henry IV, Part 2 (Folio 1 1623)

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84The second Part of King Henry the Fourth.

 1240art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth fiue of Agamem-
 1241non, and tenne times better then the nine Worthies: ah
 1242Villaine.
 1243Fal. A rascally Slaue, I will tosse the Rogue in a Blan-
 1244ket. 
 1245Dol. Doe, if thou dar'st for thy heart: if thou doo'st,
 1246Ile canuas thee betweene a paire of Sheetes.
 
 1247Enter Musique.
 
 1248Page. The Musique is come, Sir.
 1249Fal. Let them play: play Sirs. Sit on my Knee, Dol.
 1250A Rascall, bragging Slaue: the Rogue fled from me like
 1251Quick-siluer.
 1252Dol. And thou followd'st him like a Church: thou
 1253whorson little tydie Bartholmew Bore-pigge, when wilt
 1254thou leaue fighting on dayes, and foyning on nights, and
 1255begin to patch vp thine old Body for Heauen?
 
 1256Enter the Prince and Poines disguis'd.
 
 1257Fal. Peace (good Dol) doe not speake like a Deaths-
 1258head: doe not bid me remember mine end.
 1259Dol. Sirrha, what humor is the Prince of?
 1260Fal. A good shallow young fellow: hee would haue
 1261made a good Pantler, hee would haue chipp'd Bread
 1262well.
 1263Dol. They say Poines hath a good Wit.
 1264Fal. Hee a good Wit? hang him Baboone, his Wit is
 1265as thicke as Tewksburie Mustard: there is no more con-
 1266ceit in him, then is in a Mallet.
 1267Dol. Why doth the Prince loue him so then?
 1268Fal. Because their Legges are both of a bignesse: and
 1269hee playes at Quoits well, and eates Conger and Fennell,
 1270and drinkes off Candles ends for Flap-dragons, and rides
 1271the wilde-Mare with the Boyes, and iumpes vpon Ioyn'd-
 1272stooles, and sweares with a good grace, and weares his
 1273Boot very smooth, like vnto the Signe of the Legge; and
 1274breedes no bate with telling of discreete stories: and such
 1275other Gamboll Faculties hee hath, that shew a weake
 1276Minde, and an able Body, for the which the Prince admits
 1277him; for the Prince himselfe is such another: the
 1278weight of an hayre will turne the Scales betweene their
 1279Haber-de-pois.
 1280Prince. Would not this Naue of a Wheele haue his
 1281Eares cut off?
 1282Poin. Let vs beat him before his Whore.
 1283Prince. Looke, if the wither'd Elder hath not his Poll
 1284claw'd like a Parrot.
 1285Poin. Is it not strange, that Desire should so many
 1286yeeres out-liue performance?
 1287Fal. Kisse me Dol.
 1288Prince. Saturne and Venus this yeere in Coniunction?
 1289What sayes the Almanack to that?
 1290Poin. And looke whether the fierie Trigon, his Man,
 1291be not lisping to his Masters old Tables, his Note-Booke,
 1292his Councell-keeper?
 1293Fal. Thou do'st giue me flatt'ring Busses.
 1294Dol. Nay truely, I kisse thee with a most constant
 1295heart.
 1296Fal. I am olde, I am olde.
 1297Dol. I loue thee better, then I loue ere a scuruie young
 1298Boy of them all.
 1299Fal. What Stuffe wilt thou haue a Kirtle of? I shall
 1300receiue Money on Thursday: thou shalt haue a Cappe
 1301to morrow. A merrie Song, come: it growes late,
 

 1302wee will to Bed. Thou wilt forget me, when I am
 1303gone.
 1304Dol. Thou wilt set me a weeping, if thou say'st so:
 1305proue that euer I dresse my selfe handsome, till thy re-
 1306turne: well, hearken the end.
 1307Fal. Some Sack, Francis.
 1308Prin. Poin. Anon, anon, Sir.
 1309Fal. Ha? a Bastard Sonne of the Kings? And art not
 1310thou Poines, his Brother?
 1311Prince. Why thou Globe of sinfull Continents, what
 1312a Life do'st thou lead?
 1313Fal. A better then thou: I am a Gentleman, thou art
 1314a Drawer.
 1315Prince. Very true, Sir: and I come to draw you out
 1316by the Eares.
 1317Host. Oh, the Lord preserue thy good Grace: Wel-
 1318come to London. Now Heauen blesse that sweete Face
 1319of thine: what, are you come from Wales?
 1320Fal. Thou whorson mad Compound of Maiestie: by
 1321this light Flesh, and corrupt Blood, thou art welcome.
 1322Dol. How? you fat Foole, I scorne you.
 1323Poin. My Lord, hee will driue you out of your re-
 1324uenge, and turne all to a merryment, if you take not the
 1325heat.
 1326Prince. You whorson Candle-myne you, how vildly
 1327did you speake of me euen now, before this honest, ver-
 1328tuous, ciuill Gentlewoman?
 1329Host. 'Blessing on your good heart, and so shee is by
 1330my troth.
 1331Fal. Didst thou heare me?
 1332Prince. Yes: and you knew me, as you did when you
 1333ranne away by Gads-hill: you knew I was at your back,
 1334and spoke it on purpose, to trie my patience.
 1335Fal. No, no, no: not so: I did not thinke, thou wast
 1336within hearing.
 1337Prince. I shall driue you then to confesse the wilfull
 1338abuse, and then I know how to handle you.
 1339Fal. No abuse (Hall) on mine Honor, no abuse.
 1340Prince. Not to disprayse me? and call me Pantler, and
 1341Bread-chopper, and I know not what?
 1342Fal. No abuse (Hal.)
 1343Poin. No abuse?
 1344Fal. No abuse (Ned) in the World: honest Ned none.
 1345I disprays'd him before the Wicked, that the Wicked
 1346might not fall in loue with him: In which doing, I haue
 1347done the part of a carefull Friend, and a true Subiect, and
 1348thy Father is to giue me thankes for it. No abuse (Hal:)
 1349none (Ned) none; no Boyes, none.
 1350Prince. See now whether pure Feare, and entire Cow-
 1351ardise, doth not make thee wrong this vertuous Gentle-
 1352woman, to close with vs? Is shee of the Wicked? Is thine
 1353Hostesse heere, of the Wicked? Or is the Boy of the
 1354Wicked? Or honest Bardolph (whose Zeale burnes in his
 1355Nose) of the Wicked?
 1356Poin. Answere thou dead Elme, answere.
 1357Fal. The Fiend hath prickt downe Bardolph irrecoue-
 1358rable, and his Face is Lucifers Priuy-Kitchin, where hee
 1359doth nothing but rost Mault-Wormes: for the Boy,
 1360there is a good Angell about him, but the Deuill out-
 1361bids him too.
 1362Prince. For the Women?
 1363Fal. For one of them, shee is in Hell alreadie, and
 1364burnes poore Soules: for the other, I owe her Mo-
 1365ney; and whether shee bee damn'd for that, I know
 1366not.
 1367Host. No, I warrant you.
  Fal. No,

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Henry IV, Part 2 (Folio 1 1623)