Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: Anonymous
Not Peer Reviewed

A Yorkshire Tragedy (Third Folio, 1664)

Not so New, as Lamentable and True.

Enter Oliver and Raphe, two Serving-men.

Oliver. SIrra Raphe, my young Mistris is in such a pit-
5tifull passionate humour for the long absence
of her Love.
Raphe. Why can you blame her, why, Ap-
ples hanging longer on the tree then when they are ripe,
makes so many falling, viz. Mad wenches because they are
10not gathered in time, are fain to drop of themselves, and
then 'tis common you know for every man to take them
Oliver. Masse thou saist true, 'tis common indeed, but
sirrah, is neither our young Master returned, nor our fel-
15low Sam come from London?
Raphe. Neither of either, as the Puritan Bawd sayes.
'Slid I hear Sam, Sam's come, here tarry, come ifaith,
now my nose itches for news.
Oliv. And so doth mine elbow.
Sam calls within. Where are you there?
Sam. Boy, look you walk my horse with discretion,
I have rid him simply, I warrant his skin sticks to his
back with very heat, if he should catch cold and get the
cough of the lungs, I were well served, were I not? What
25Raph and Oliver.
Am. Honest fellow Sam, welcome ifaith, what tricks
hast thou brought from London?
Furnisht with things from London.
Sam. You see I am hang'd after the truest fashion,
30three Hats, and two Glasses bobbing upon them, two re-
bato wyers upon my brest, a Capcase by my side, a Brush
at my back, an Almanack in my pocket, and three Bal-
lats in my codpiece, nay I am the true picture of a com-
mon servingman.
35 Oliv. I'le swear thou art, thou maist set up when thou
wilt, there's many a one begins with lesse I can tell thee,
that proves a rich man ere he dies, but what's the news
from London, Sam?
Raph. I that's well sed, what is the news from London,
40sirrah. My young Mistris keeps such a puling for her
Sam. Why the more fool she, I, the more ninny-ham-
mer she.
Oliv. Why Sam, why?
45 Sam. Why, he is married to another, long ago.
Amb. Faith ye jest.
Sam. Why, did you not know that till now? Why
he's married, beats his wife, and has two or three chil-
dren by her: for you must note, that any woman bears
50the more when she is beaten.
Raphe. I that's true, for she bears the blows.
Oliv. Sirrah Sam, I would not for two years wages
my young Mistris knew so much, she'd run upon the left
hand of her wit, and nere be her own woman again.
55 Sam. And I think she was blest in her Cradle, that
he never came in her bed, why he has consumed all,
pawn'd his Lands, and made his University Brother
stand in wax for him; There's a fine phrase for a Scrive-
ner, puh, he ows more then his skin is worth.
60 Oliver. Is't possible?
Sam. Nay, I'le tell you moreover, he calls his Wife
whore, as familiarly as one would call Moll and Doll, and
children bastards, as naturally as can be, but what have
we here? I thought 'twas something pull'd down my
65Breeches: I quite forgot my two poting sticks, these came
from London, now any thing is good here that comes from
Oliver.I, far fetcht you know.
Sam. But speak in your conscience ifaith, have not we
70as good poting sticks i'th' Country as need to be put i'th
fire, the mind of a thing is all, and as thou said'st even
now, far fetcht are the best things far Ladies.
Oliv. I, and for waiting gentlewomen too.
Sam. But Raphe, is our beer sower this thunder?
75 Raph. No, no, it holds countenance yet.
Sam. Why then follow me, I'le teach you the finest
humour to be drunk in, I learn'd it at London last week.
Amb. Faith let's hear it, let's hear it.
Sam. The bravest humour, 'twould do a man good to
80be drunk in it, they call it knighting in London, when
they drink upon their knees.
Amb. Faith that's excellent.
Come follow me, I'le give you all the degrees of it in or-
Enter Wife.
Wife. What will become of us? all will away,
My husband never ceases in expence,
Both to consume his credit and his house.
And 'tis set down by heavens just decree,
90That Riots child must needs be beggery.
Are these the vertues that his youth did promise?