Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editors: David Carnegie, Mark Houlahan
Peer Reviewed

Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)


258
Twelfe Night, or, What you will.

As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauties a
flower; The Lady bad take away the foole, therefore I
345say againe, take her away.
Ol. Sir, I bad them take away you.
Clo. Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus
non facit monachum:
that's as much to say, as I weare not
motley in my braine: good Madona, giue mee leaue to
350proue you a foole.
Ol. Can you do it?
Clo. Dexteriously, good Madona.
Ol. Make your proofe.
Clo. I must catechize you for it Madona, Good my
355Mouse of vertue answer mee.
Ol. Well sir, for want of other idlenesse, Ile bide your
proofe.
Clo. Good Madona, why mournst thou?
Ol. Good foole, for my brothers death.
360Clo. I thinke his soule is in hell, Madona.
Ol. I know his soule is in heauen, foole.
Clo. The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your
Brothers soule, being in heauen. Take away the Foole,
Gentlemen.
365Ol. What thinke you of this foole Maluolio, doth he
not mend?
Mal. Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake
him: Infirmity that decaies the wise, doth euer make the
better foole.
370Clow. God send you sir, a speedie Infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that
I am no Fox, but he wil not passe his word for two pence
that you are no Foole.
Ol. How say you to that Maluolio?
375Mal. I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such
a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other day, with
an ordinary foole, that has no more braine then a stone.
Looke you now, he's out of his gard already: vnles you
laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gag'd. I protest
380I take these Wisemen, that crow so at these set kinde of
fooles, no better then the fooles Zanies.
Ol. O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolio, and taste
with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guitlesse,
and of free disposition, is to take those things for Bird-
385bolts, that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slan-
der in an allow'd foole, though he do nothing but rayle;
nor no rayling, in a knowne discreet man, though hee do
nothing but reproue.
Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou
390speak'st well of fooles.
Enter Maria.
Mar. Madam, there is at the gate, a young Gentle-
man, much desires to speake with you.
Ol. From the Count Orsino, is it?
395Ma I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young man, and
well attended.
Ol. Who of my people hold him in delay:
Ma. Sir Toby Madam, your kinsman.
Ol. Fetch him off I pray you, he speakes nothing but
400madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit
from the Count, I am sicke, or not at home. What you
will, to dismisse it.
Exit Maluo.
Now you see sir, how your fooling growes old, & peo-
ple dislike it.
405Clo. Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest
sonne should be a foole: whose scull, Ioue cramme with
braines, for heere he comes. Enter Sir Toby.
One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater.
Ol. By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the
410gate Cosin?
To. A Gentleman.
Ol. A Gentleman? What Gentleman?
To. 'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle
herring: How now Sot.
415Clo. Good Sir Toby.
Ol. Cosin, Cosin, how haue you come so earely by
this Lethargie?
To. Letcherie, I defie Letchery: there's one at the
gate.
420Ol. I marry, what is he?
To. Let him be the diuell and he will, I care not: giue
me faith say I. Well, it's all one.
Exit
Ol. What's a drunken man like, foole?
Clo. Like a drown'd man, a foole, and a madde man:
425One draught aboue heate, makes him a foole, the second
maddes him, and a third drownes him.
Ol. Go thou and seeke the Crowner, and let him sitte
o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's
drown'd: go looke after him.
430Clo. He is but mad yet Madona, and the foole shall
looke to the madman.
Enter Maluolio.
Mal. Madam, yond young fellow sweares hee will
speake with you. I told him you were sicke, he takes on
435him to vnderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleepe, he seems to haue
a fore knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to
speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladie, hee's
fortified against any deniall.
440Ol. Tell him, he shall not speake with me.
Mal. Ha's beene told so: and hee sayos hee'l stand at
your doore like a Sheriffes post, and be the supporter to
a bench, but hee'l speake with you.
Ol. What kinde o'man is he?
445Mal. Why of mankinde.
Ol. What manner of man?
Mal. Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with you, will
you, or no.
Ol. Of what personage, and yeeres is he?
450Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor yong enough
for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescod, or a Codling
when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing wa-
ter, betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd,
and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his
455mothers milke were scarse out of him.
Ol. Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman.'
Mal. Gentlewoman, my Lady calles.
Exit.
Enter Maria.
Ol. Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face,
460Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie.
Enter Violenta.
Vio. The honorable Ladie of the house, which is she?
Ol. Speake to me, I shall answer for her: your will.
Vio. Most radiant, exquisite, and vnmatchable beau-
465tie. I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house,
for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my
speech: for besides that it is excellently well pend, I haue
taken great paines to con it. Good Beauties, let mee su-
staine no scorne; I am very comptible, euen to the least
470sinister vsage.
Ol. Whence came you sir?
Vio. I can say little more then I haue studied, & that
question's out of my part. Good gentle one, giue mee
modest assurance, if you be the Ladie of the house, that
I
Twelfe Night, or, What you will.
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