As You Like It (Modern)

¶Orlando ¶As I remember, Adam, it was upon this fashion 5bequeathed me by will but poor a thousand ¶crowns, and, as thou say'st, charged my brother, ¶on his blessing, to breed me well; and ¶there begins my sadness. My brother Jaques he keeps ¶at school, and report speaks goldenly of his profit. 10For my part, he keeps me rustically at home, or, to speak ¶more properly, stays me here at home unkept; for call ¶you that "keeping" for a gentleman of my birth that differs ¶not from the stalling of an ox? His horses are bred ¶better, for, besides that they are fair with their feeding, 15they are taught their manège, and to that end riders ¶dearly hired; but I, his brother, gain nothing under ¶him but growth, for the which his animals on his ¶dunghills are as much bound to him as I. Besides this nothing ¶that he so plentifully gives me, the something that 20nature gave me his countenance seems to take from ¶me. He lets me feed with his hinds, bars me the ¶place of a brother, and as much as in him lies, mines my ¶gentility with my education. This is it, Adam, that ¶grieves me; and the spirit of my father, which I think 25is within me, begins to mutiny against this servitude. ¶I will no longer endure it, though yet I know no wise ¶remedy how to avoid it.

¶Adam Yonder comes my master, your brother.

30Orlando Go apart, Adam, and thou shalt hear how ¶he will shake me up.

¶Oliver Now, sir, what make you here?

¶Orlando Nothing. I am not taught to make anything.

¶Oliver What mar you then, sir?

35Orlando Marry, sir, I am helping you to mar that which ¶God made, a poor unworthy brother of yours, with ¶idleness.

¶Oliver Marry, sir, be better employed, and be naught awhile.¶

40Orlando Shall I keep your hogs, and eat husks with ¶them? What prodigal portion have I spent, that I should ¶come to such penury?

¶Oliver Know you where you are, sir?

¶Orlando Oh, sir, very well: here in your orchard.

45Oliver Know you before whom, sir?

¶Orlando Ay, better than him I am before knows me. I ¶know you are my eldest brother, and in the gentle condition ¶of blood you should so know me. The courtesy of nations¶ allows you my better in that you are the first 50born; but the same tradition takes not away my blood, ¶were there twenty brothers betwixt us. I have as much ¶of my father in me as you, albeit I confess your coming ¶before me is nearer to his reverence.

¶Oliver What, boy!

55Orlando Come, come, elder brother, you are too young in this.

¶Oliver Wilt thou lay hands on me, villain?

¶Orlando I am no villain. I am the youngest son of ¶Sir Rowland de Boys. He was my father, and he is thrice a villain ¶that says such a father begot villains. Wert thou 60not my brother, I would not take this hand from thy ¶throat till this other had pulled out thy tongue for saying ¶so. Thou hast railed on thyself.

¶Adam [Coming forward] Sweet masters, be patient! For your father's remembrance¶, be at accord.

65Oliver [To Orlando] Let me go, I say.

¶Orlando I will not, till I please. You shall hear me. My ¶father charged you in his will to give me good education. ¶You have trained me like a peasant, obscuring and ¶hiding from me all gentlemanlike qualities. The spirit 70of my father grows strong in me, and I will no longer ¶endure it; therefore allow me such exercises as may become ¶a gentleman, or give me the poor allottery my ¶father left me by testament. With that I will go buy my ¶fortunes.

75Oliver And what wilt thou do? Beg, when that is spent? ¶Well, sir, get you in. I will not long be troubled with ¶you; you shall have some part of your will. I pray you ¶leave me.

¶Orlando I will no further offend you than becomes me 80for my good.

¶Oliver [To Adam] Get you with him, you old dog.

¶Adam Is "old dog" my reward? Most true, I have ¶lost my teeth in your service. God be with my old master! ¶He would not have spoke such a word.

85Oliver Is it even so? Begin you to grow upon me? I will ¶physic your rankness, and yet give no thousand ¶crowns neither. [Calling]Holla, Dennis!

¶Dennis Calls Your Worship?

90Oliver Was not Charles, the Duke's wrestler, here to ¶speak with me?

¶Dennis So please you, he is here at the door and importunes ¶access to you.

¶Oliver Call him in.

[Exit Dennis.] 'Twill be a good way; and tomorrow 95the wrestling is.

¶Charles Good morrow to Your Worship.

¶Oliver Good Monsieur Charles, what's the new news ¶at the new court?

100Charles There's no news at the court, sir, but the ¶old news: that is, the old Duke is banished by his younger ¶brother the new Duke, and three or four loving ¶lords have put themselves into voluntary exile with ¶him, whose lands and revenues enrich the new Duke; 105therefore he gives them good leave to wander.

¶Oliver Can you tell if Rosalind, the Duke's daughter, be ¶banished with her father?

¶Charles Oh, no; for the Duke's daughter, her cousin, so ¶loves her, being ever from their cradles bred together, 110that she would have followed her exile or have died to ¶stay behind her. She is at the court, and no less beloved ¶of her uncle than his own daughter; and never two ladies ¶loved as they do.

¶Oliver Where will the old Duke live?

115Charles They say he is already in the Forest of Arden, ¶and a many merry men with him; and there they live ¶like the old Robin Hood of England. They say many young ¶gentlemen flock to him every day, and fleet the time ¶carelessly, as they did in the golden world.

120Oliver What, you wrestle tomorrow before the new ¶Duke?

¶Charles Marry, do I, sir; and I came to acquaint you ¶with a matter. I am given, sir, secretly to understand that ¶your younger brother, Orlando, hath a disposition to come 125in disguised against me to try a fall. Tomorrow, sir, ¶I wrestle for my credit; and he that escapes me without ¶some broken limb shall acquit him well. Your brother ¶is but young and tender; and, for your love, I would be ¶loath to foil him, as I must, for my own honor, if he 130come in. Therefore, out of my love to you, I came hither ¶to acquaint you withal, that either you might stay him ¶from his intendment, or brook such disgrace well as he ¶shall run into, in that it is a thing of his own search ¶and altogether against my will.

135Oliver Charles, I thank thee for thy love to me, which ¶thou shalt find I will most kindly requite. I had myself ¶notice of my brother's purpose herein, and have by ¶underhand means labored to dissuade him from it; ¶but he is resolute. I'll tell thee, Charles, it is the stubbornest 140young fellow of France, full of ambition, an envious emulator ¶of every man's good parts, a secret and villainous ¶contriver against me his natural brother. Therefore use ¶thy discretion. I had as lief thou didst break his neck ¶as his finger. And thou wert best look to't; for if thou 145dost him any slight disgrace, or if he do not mightily ¶grace himself on thee, he will practice against thee by ¶poison, entrap thee by some treacherous device, and never ¶leave thee till he hath ta'en thy life by some indirect ¶means or other; for, I assure thee, and almost with 150tears I speak it, there is not one so young and so villainous ¶this day living. I speak but brotherly of him, ¶but should I anatomize him to thee as he is, I must ¶blush and weep, and thou must look pale and ¶wonder.

155Charles I am heartily glad I came hither to you. If he ¶come tomorrow I'll give him his payment. If ever he ¶go alone again, I'll never wrestle for prize more. And ¶so, God keep Your Worship!

¶Oliver Farewell, good Charles. Now will I stir this gamester. 160I hope I shall see an end of him; for my soul, yet ¶I know not why, hates nothing more than he. Yet he's ¶gentle, never schooled and yet learned, full of noble ¶device, of all sorts enchantingly beloved, and indeed ¶so much in the heart of the world, and especially of my 165own people, who best know him, that I am altogether ¶misprized. But it shall not be so long; this wrestler shall ¶clear all. Nothing remains but that I kindle the boy ¶thither, which now I'll go about.