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As You Like It (Folio 1, 1623)

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: David Bevington
Peer Reviewed
As you like it.
201
Orl. Vertue is no horne-maker: and my Rosalind is
vertuous.
Ros. And I am your Rosalind.
Cel. It pleases him to call you so: but he hath a Rosa-
1980lind of a better leere then you.
Ros. Come, wooe me, wooe mee: for now I am in a
holy-day humor, and like enough to consent: What
would you say to me now, and I were your verie, verie
Rosalind?
1985Orl. I would kisse before I spoke.
Ros. Nay,you were better speake first, and when you
were grauel'd, for lacke of matter, you might take oc-
casion to kisse: verie good Orators when they are out,
they will spit, and for louers, lacking (God warne vs)
1990matter, the cleanliest shift is to kisse.
Orl. How if the kisse be denide?
Ros. Then she puts you to entreatie, and there begins
new matter.
Orl. Who could be out, being before his beloued
1995Mistris?
Ros. Marrie that should you if I were your Mistris,
or I should thinke my honestie ranker then my wit.
Orl. What, of my suite?
Ros. Not out of your apparrell, and yet out of your
2000suite:
Am not I your Rosalind?
Orl. I take some ioy to say you are, because I would
be talking of her.
Ros. Well, in her person, I say I will not haue you.
2005Orl. Then in mine owne person, I die.
Ros. No faith, die by Attorney: the poore world is
almost six thousand yeeres old, and in all this time there
was not anie man died in his owne person (videlicet) in
a loue cause: Troilous had his braines dash'd out with a
2010Grecian club, yet he did what hee could to die before,
and he is one of the patternes of loue. Leander, he would
haue liu'd manie a faire yeere though Hero had turn'd
Nun; if it had not bin for a hot Midsomer-night, for
(good youth) he went but forth to wash him in the Hel-
2015lespont, and being taken with the crampe, was droun'd,
and the foolish Chronoclers of that age, found it was
Hero of Cestos. But these are all lies, men haue died
from time to time, and wormes haue eaten them, but not
for loue.
2020Orl. I would not haue my right Rosalind of this mind,
for I protest her frowne might kill me.
Ros. By this hand, it will not kill a flie: but come,
now I will be your Rosalind in a more comming-on dis-
position: and aske me what you will, I will grant it.
2025Orl. Then loue me Rosalind.
Ros. Yes faith will I, fridaies and saterdaies, and all.
Orl. And wilt thou haue me?
Ros. I, and twentie such.
Orl. What saiest thou?
2030Ros. Are you not good?
Orl. I hope so.
Rosalind. Why then, can one desire too much of a
good thing: Come sister, you shall be the Priest, and
marrie vs: giue me your hand Orlando: What doe you
2035say sister?
Orl. Pray thee marrie vs.
Cel. I cannot say the words.
Ros. You must begin, will you Orlando.
Cel. Goe too: wil you Orlando, haue to wife this Ro-
2040salind?
Orl. I will.
Ros. I, but when?
Orl. Why now, as fast as she can marrie vs.
Ros. Then you must say, I take thee Rosalind for
2045wife.
Orl. I take thee Rosalind for wife.
Ros. I might aske you for your Commission,
But I doe take thee Orlando for my husband : there's a
girle goes before the Priest, and certainely a Womans
2050thought runs before her actions.
Orl. So do all thoughts, they are wing'd.
Ros. Now tell me how long you would haue her, af-
ter you haue possest her?
Orl. For euer, and a day.
2055Ros. Say a day, without the euer: no, no Orlando, men
are Aprill when they woe, December when they wed:
Maides are May when they are maides, but the sky chan-
ges when they are wiues: I will bee more iealous of
thee, then a Barbary cocke-pidgeon ouer his hen, more
2060clamorous then a Parrat against raine, more new-fang-
led then an ape, more giddy in my desires, then a mon-
key: I will weepe for nothing, like Diana in the Foun-
taine, & I wil do that when you are dispos'd to be merry:
I will laugh like a Hyen, and that when thou art inclin'd
2065to sleepe.
Orl. But will my Rosalind doe so?
Ros. By my life, she will doe as I doe.
Orl. O but she is wise.
Ros. Or else shee could not haue the wit to doe this:
2070the wiser, the waywarder: make the doores vpon a wo-
mans wit, and it will out at the casement: shut that, and
'twill out at the key-hole: stop that, 'twill flie with the
smoake out at the chimney.
Orl. A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might
2075say, wit whether wil't?
Ros. Nay, you might keepe that checke for it, till you
met your wiues wit going to your neighbours bed.
Orl. And what wit could wit haue, to excuse that?
Rosa. Marry to say, she came to seeke you there: you
2080shall neuer take her without her answer, vnlesse you take
her without her tongue: ô that woman that cannot
make her fault her husbands occasion, let her neuer nurse
her childe her selfe, for she will breed it like a foole.
Orl. For these two houres Rosalinde, I wil leaue thee.
2085Ros. Alas, deere loue, I cannot lacke thee two houres.
Orl. I must attend the Duke at dinner, by two a clock
I will be with thee againe.
Ros. I, goe your waies, goe your waies: I knew what
you would proue, my friends told mee as much, and I
2090thought no lesse: that flattering tongue of yours wonne
me: 'tis but one cast away, and so come death: two o'
clocke is your howre.
Orl. I, sweet Rosalind.
Ros. By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God
2095mend mee, and by all pretty oathes that are not dange-
rous, if you breake one iot of your promise, or come one
minute behinde your houre, I will thinke you the most
patheticall breake-promise, and the most hollow louer,
and the most vnworthy of her you call Rosalinde, that
2100may bee chosen out of the grosse band of the vnfaith-
full: therefore beware my censure, and keep your pro-
mise.
Orl. With no lesse religion, then if thou wert indeed
my Rosalind: so adieu.
2105Ros. Well, Time is the olde Iustice that examines all
such offenders, and let time try: adieu.
Exit.
Cel. You haue simply misus'd our sexe in your loue-
prate: