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American Shakespeare Center, Return to the Forbidden Planet. To Dec. 1, 2013.
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The Merry Wives of Windsor (Quarto 1, 1602)

Author: William Shakespeare
Not Peer Reviewed
Enter Mistresse Page, reading of
552.1a Letter.
Mis. Pa. Mistresse Page I loue you. Aske me no
557.1Because theyr impossible to alledge. Your faire,
And I am fat. Yon loue sack, so do I:
As I am sure I haue no mind but to loue,
562.1So I know you haue no hart but to grant
A souldier doth not vse many words, where a
A letter may serue for a sentence. I loue you,
And so I leaue you.
Yours Syr Iohn Falstaffe.
.5Now Ieshu blesse me, am I methomorphised?
I thinke I knowe not my selfe. Why what a Gods
name doth this man see in me, that thus he shootes
at my honestie? Well but that I knowe my owne
heart, I should scarcely perswade my selfe I were
.10hand. Why what an vnreasonable woolsack is this.
He was neuer twice in my companie, and if then I
thought I gaue such assurauce with my eies, Ide pul
them out, they should neuer see more holie daies.
Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I liue for
his sake. O God that I knew how to be reuenged of
577.1him. But in good time, heeres mistresse Foord.
Enter Mistresse Foord.
Mis. For. How now Mistris Page, are you reading
Loue Letters? How do you woman?
.5Mis. Pa. O woman I am I know not what:
In loue vp to the hard eares. I was neuer in such a
case in my life.
Mis. Ford. In loue, now in the name of God with
whom?
.10Mis. Pa. With one that sweares he loues me,
And I must not choose but do the like againe:
I prethie looke on that Letter.
Mis. For. Ile match your letter iust with the like,
614.1Line for line, word for word. Only the name
Of misteris Page, and misteris Foord disagrees:
Do me the kindnes to looke vpon this.
Mis. Pa.Why this is right my letter.
O most notorious villaine!
Why what a bladder of iniquitie is this?
Lets be reuenged what so ere we do.
636.1Mis. For. Reuenged, if we liue weel be reuenged.
O Lord if my husband should see this Letter,
Ifaith this would euen giue edge to his Iealousie.
642.1
Enter Ford, Page, Pistoll and Nym.
Mis. Pa. See where our husbands are,
645Mine's as far from Iealousie,
As I am from wronging him.
645.1Pis. Ford the words I speake are forst:
Beware, take heed, for Falstaffe loues thy wife:
653.1When Pistoll lies do this.
Ford. Why sir my wife is not young.
655Pis. He wooes both yong and old, both rich and
None comes amis. I say he loues thy wife:
656.1Faire warning did I giue, take heed,
665For sommer comes, and Cuckoo birds appeare:
665.1Page belieue him what he ses. Away sir Corporall
Exit Pistoll:
Nym. Syr the humor of it is, he loues your wife,
670I should ha borne the humor Letter to her:
I speake and I auouch tis true: My name is Nym.
675 Farwell, I loue not the humor of bread and cheese:
675.1And theres the humor of it.
Exit Nym.
Pa. The humor of it, quoth you:
Heres a fellow frites humor out of his wits.
Mis. Pa. How now sweet hart, how dost thou?
687.1
Enter Mistresse Quickly.
Pa. How now man? How do you mistris Ford?
Mis. For. Well I thanke you good M. Page.
How now husband, how chaunce thou art so me-
lancholy?
Ford. Melancholy, I am not melancholy.
690Goe get you in, goe.
Mis. For. God saue me, see who yonder is:
Weele set her a worke in this businesse.
Mis. Pa. O sheele serue excellent.
Now you come to see my daughter An I am sure.
Quic. I forsooth that is my comming.
700Mis. Pa. Come go in with me. Come Mis. Ford.
700.1Mis. For. I follow you Mistresse Page.
Exit Mistresse Ford, Mis. Page, and Quickly.
For. M. Page did you heare what these fellowes
Pa. Yes M. Ford, what of that sir?
705For. Do you thinke it is true that they told vs?
705.1Pa. No by my troth do I not,
I rather take them to be paltry lying knaues,
Such as rather speakes of enuie,
Then of any certaine they haue
.5Of any thing. And for the knight, perhaps
He hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men
Are: But should he loue my wife,
Ifaith Ide turne her loose to him:
And what he got more of her,
.10Then ill lookes, and shrowd words,
Why let me beare the penaltie of it.
For. Nay I do not mistrust my wife,
Yet Ide be loth to turne them together,
A man may be too confident.
719.1
Enter Host and Shallow.
Pa. Here comes my ramping host of the garter,
Ther's either licker in his hed, or mony in his purse,
That he lookes so merily. Now mine Host?
Host. God blesse you my bully rookes, God blesse
Cauelera Iustice I say.
Shal. At hand mine host, at hand. M. Ford god den
728.1God den an twentie good M. Page.
730I tell you sir we haue sport in hand.
Host. Tell him cauelira Iustice: tell him bully
735Ford. Mine Host a the garter:
735.1Host. What ses my bully rooke?
Ford. A word with you sir.
Ford and the Host talkes.
Shal. Harke you sir, Ile tell you what the sport
Doctor Cayus and sir Hu are to fight,
My merrie Host hath had the measuring
Of their weapons, and hath
Appointed them contrary places. Harke in your
Host: Hast thou no shute against my knight,
My guest, my cauellira:
For. None I protest: But tell him my name
Is Rrooke, onlie for a Iest.
Host: My hand bully: Thou shalt
Haue egres and regres, and thy
Name shall be Brooke: Sed I well bully Hector?
Shal. I tell you what M. Page, I beleeue
740The Doctor is no Iester, heele laie it on:
740.1For tho we be Iustices and Doctors,
And Church men, yet we are
The sonnes of women M. Page:
Pa: True maister Shallow:
.5Shal: It will be found so maister Page:
Pa. Maister Shallow you your selfe
Haue bene a great fighter,
Tho now a man of peace:
Shal: M. Page I haue seene the day that yong
Tall fellowes with their stroke & their passado,
757.1I haue made them trudge Maister Page,
755A tis the hart, the hart doth all: I
Haue seene the day, with my two hand sword
I would a made you foure tall Fencers
Scipped like Rattes.
Host. Here boyes, shall we wag, shall we wag?
760Shal. Ha with you mine host.
760.1
Exit Host and Shallow.
Pa. Come M. Ford, shall we to dinner?
I know these fellowes sticks in your minde.
For. No in good sadnesse not in mine:
765Yet for all this Ile try it further,
765.1I will not leaue it so:
Come M. Page, shall we to dinner?
Pa. With all my hart sir, Ile follow you.
Exit omnes.