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The Merry Wives of Windsor (Quarto 1, 1602)

Author: William Shakespeare
Not Peer Reviewed
300
Enter sir Iohn Falstaffes Host of the Garter,
Nym, Bardolfe, Pistoll, and the boy.
Fal. Mine Host of the Garter.
Host. What ses my bully Rooke?
Speake schollerly and wisely.
Fal. Mine Host, I must turne away some of my
305followers.
Host. Discard bully, Hercules cassire.
Let them wag, trot, trot.
Fal. I sit at ten pound a weeke.
Host. Thou art an Emperour Cæsar, Phesser and
Kesar bully.
310Ile entertaine Bardolfe. He shall tap, he shall draw.
Said I well, bully Hector?
Fal. Do good mine Host.
Host. I haue spoke. Let him follow. Bardolfe
Let me see thee froth, and lyme. I am at
A word. Follow, follow.
314.1
Exit Host.
315Fal. Do Bardolfe, a Tapster is a good trade,
An old cloake will make a new Ierkin,
A withered seruingman, a fresh Tapster:
Follow him Bardolfe.
Bar. I will sir, Ile warrant you Ile make a good
shift to liue.
318.1
Exit Bardolfe.
Pis. O bace gongarian wight, wilt thou the spic-
ket willd?
319.1Nym. His minde is not heroick. And theres the
humor of it.
Fal. Well my Laddes, I am almost out at the
heeles.
Pis. Why then let cybes insue.
328.1Nym. I thanke thee for that humor.
Fal. Well I am glad I am so rid of this tinder
Boy.
His stealth was too open, his filching was like
An vnskilfull singer, he kept not time.
Nym. The good humor is to steale at a minutes
rest.
324.1Pis. Tis so indeed Nym, thou hast hit it right.
Fal. Well, afore God, I must cheat, I must cony-
catch.
Which of you knowes Foord of this Towne?
Pis. I ken the wight, he is of substance good.
Fal. Well my honest Lads, Ile tell you what
I am about.
Pis. Two yards and more.
335Fal. No gibes now Pistoll: indeed I am two yards
In the wast, but now I am about no wast:
Briefly, I am about thrift you rogues you,
I do intend to make loue to Foords wife,
I espie entertainment in her. She carues, she
Discourses. She giues the lyre of inuitation,
And euery part to be constured rightly is, I am
Syr Iohn Falstaffes.
Pis. He hath studied her well, out of honestie
Into English.
345Fal. Now the report goes, she hath all the rule
Of her husbands purse. She hath legians of angels.
Pis. As many diuels attend her.
And to her boy say I.
Fal. Heree's a Letter to her. Heeres another to
350misteris Page.
Who euen now gaue me good eies too, examined
my exteriors with such a greedy intentiõ, with the
beames of her beautie, that it seemed as she would
a scorged me vp like a burning glasse. Here is ano-
ther Letter to her, shee beares the purse too. They
shall be Excheckers to me, and Ile be cheaters to
them both. They shall be my East and West Indies
and Ile trade to them both. Heere beare thou this
Letter to mistresse Foord. And thou this to mistresse
Page. Weele thriue Lads, we will thriue.
Pist. Shall I sir Panderowes of Troy become?
And by my sword were steele.
Then Lucifer take all.
Nym. Here take your humor Letter againe,
For my part, I will keepe the hauior
Of reputation. And theres the humor of it.
370Fal. Here firrha beare me these Letters titely,
Saile like my pinnice to the golden shores:
Hence slaues, avant. Vanish like hailstones, goe.
Falstaffe will learne the humor of this age,
375French thrift you rogue, my selfe and scirted Page.
375.1
Exit Falstaffe,
and the Boy.
Pis. And art thou gone? Teaster Ile haue in pouch
When thou shalt want, bace Phrygian Turke.
380Nym. I haue operations in my head, which are
humors of reuenge.
Pis. Wilt thou reuenge?
Nym. By Welkin and her Fairies.
Pis. By wit, or sword?
385Nym. With both the humors I will disclose this
loue to Page. Ile poses him with Iallowes,
386.1And theres the humor of it.
Pis. And I to Foord will likewise tell
How Falstaffe varlot vilde,
Would haue her loue, his doue would proue,
390And eke his bed defile.
390.1 Nym. Let vs about it then.
395Pis. Ile second thee : sir Corporall Nym troope
Exit omnes.