Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Not Peer Reviewed

Two Gentlemen of Verona (Folio 1, 1623)


Scena Quinta.
Enter Speed and Launce.
Speed. Launce, by mine honesty welcome to Padua.
Laun. Forsweare not thy selfe, sweet youth, for I am
875not welcome. I reckon this alwaies, that a man is neuer
vndon till hee be hang'd, nor neuer welcome to a place,
till some certaine shot be paid, and the Hostesse say wel-
come.
Speed. Come-on you mad-cap: Ile to the Ale-house
880with you presently; where, for one shot of fiue pence,
thou shalt haue fiue thousand welcomes: But sirha, how
did thy Master part with Madam Iulia?
Lau. Marry after they cloas'd in earnest, they parted
very fairely in iest.
885Spee. But shall she marry him?
Lau. No.
Spee. How then? shall he marry her?
Lau. No, neither.
Spee. What, are they broken?
890Lau. No; they are both as whole as a fish.
Spee. Why then, how stands the matter with them?
Lau. Marry thus, when it stands well with him, it
stands well with her.
Spee. What an asse art thou, I vnderstand thee not.
895Lau. What a blocke art thou, that thou canst not?
My staffe vnderstands me?
Spee. What thou saist?
Lau. I, and what I do too: looke thee, Ile but leane,
and my staffe vnderstands me.
900Spee. It stands vnder thee indeed.
Lau. Why, stand-vnder: and vnder-stand is all one.
Spee. But tell me true, wil't be a match?
Lau. Aske my dogge, if he say I, it will: if hee say
no, it will: if hee shake his taile, and say nothing, it
905will.
Spee. The conclusion is then, that it will.
Lau. Thou shalt neuer get such a secret from me, but
by a parable.
Spee. 'Tis well that I get it so: but Launce, how saist
910thou that that my master is become a notable Louer?
Lau. I neuer knew him otherwise.
Spee. Then how?
Lau. A notable Lubber: as thou reportest him to
bee.
915Spee. Why, thou whorson Asse, thou mistak'st me,
Lau. Why Foole, I meant not thee, I meant thy
Master.
Spee. I tell thee, my Master is become a hot Louer.
Lau. Why, I tell thee, I care not, though hee burne
920himselfe in Loue. If thou wilt goe with me to the Ale-
house: if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Iew, and not worth
the name of a Christian.
Spee. Why?
Lau. Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as
925to goe to the Ale with a Christian: Wilt thou goe?
Spee. At thy seruice.
Exeunt.