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Shakespeare on Stage
American Shakespeare Center, All's Well That Ends Well. To Nov. 29, 2013.
Original Shakespeare Company, As You Like It. To Jun. 23, 2013.
American Shakespeare Center, Return to the Forbidden Planet. To Dec. 1, 2013.
Original Shakespeare Company, A Midsommer Night's Dreame (Midsummer Midsommer). To Jun. 21, 2013.
SIP Editors, King Henry VIII. To Aug. 4, 2013.
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The Puritan Widow (Folio 3, 1664)

Author: Anonymous
Not Peer Reviewed
1275Ser. Who knocks, whose at door? we had need of a
Porter.
Pye. A few friends here.---pray is the Gentleman
your Master within?
Ser. Yes, is your business to him?
1280Pye. I, he knows it, when he sees me:
I pray you, have you forgot me.
Ser. I by my troth, sir, pray come near, I'le in and
tell him of you, please you to walk here in the Gallery till
he comes.
1285Pye. We will attend his worship,---worship I think,
for so much the posts at his door should signifie, and the
fair coming in, and the wicket, else I neither knew him
nor his worship, but 'tis happiness he is within doors,
what so'ere he be, if he be not too much a formal Citizen,
1290he may do me good: Serjeant and Yeoman, how do you
like this house, is't not most wholsomely plotted?
Rav. Troth prisoner, an exceeding fine house.
Pye. Yet I wonder how he should forget me, for he
ne're knew me: No matter, what is forgot in you, will be
1295remembred in your Master.
A pritty comfortable room this methinks:
You have no such roomes in prison now?
Put. Oh dog-holes to't.
Pye. Dog-holes indeed---I can tell you I have great
1300hope to have my Chamber here shortly, nay and dyet
too, for he's the most free-hearted'st Gentleman where he
takes: you would little think it? and what a fine Gallery
were here for me to walk and study, and make verses.
Put. O it stands pleasantly for a Schollar.
1305
Enter Gentleman.
Pye. Look what maps, and pictures, and devices, and
things, neatly, delicately? Masse here he comes, he should
be a Gentleman, I like his Beard well;---All happinesse
to your worship.
1310Gent. You're kindly welcome, sir.
Put. A simple salutation.
Rav. Masse it seems the Gentleman makes great ac-
count of him.
Gent. I have the thing here for you, sir.
1315Pye. I beseech you, conceal me sir, I'm undone else,---
I have the Mask here for you sir, Look you sir,---I be-
seech your worship, first pardon my rudenesse, for my
extreams makes me boulder then I would be; I am a poor
Gentleman and a Schollar, and now most unfortunately
1320falne into the hands of unmercifull Officers, arrested for
debt, which though small, I am not able to compasse, by
reason I'm destitute of lands, mony, and friends, so that
if I fall into the hungry swallow of the prison, I am like
utterly to perish, and with fees and extortions be pincht
1325clean to the bone: Now, if ever pitty had interest in the
bloud of a Gentleman, I beseech you vouchsafe but to
favour that means of my escape, which I have already
thought upon.
Gent. Go forward.
1330Put. I warrant he likes it rarely.
Pye. In the plunge of my extremities, being giddy,
and doubtfull what to do; at last it was put in my labour-
ing thoughts, to make a happy use of this paper, and to
blear their unlettered eyes, I told them there was a Device
1335for a Mask drawn in't, and that (but for their intercep-
tion,) I was going to a Gentleman to receive my reward
for't: they greedy at this word, and hoping to make pur-
chase of me, offered their attendance, to go along with
me, my hap was to make bold with your door, sir, which
1340my thoughts shew'd me the most fairest and comfortablest
entrance, and I hope I have happened right upon under-
standing, and pitty: may it please your good worship
then, but to uphold my Device, which is to let one of your
men put me out at a back door, and I shall be bound to
1345your worship for ever.
Gent. By my troth, an excellent Device.
Put. An excellent Device he sayes; he likes it won-
derfully.
Gent. A my faith, I never heard a better.
1350Raven. Hark, he swears he never heard a better,
Serjeant.
Put. O there's no talk on't, he's an excellent Schollar,
and especially for a Mask.
Gent. Give me your Paper, your Device; I was never
1355better pleas'd in all my life: good wit, brave wit, finely
wrought, come in sir, and receive your mony, sir.
Pye. I'le follow your good Worship,---
You heard how he like't it now?
Put. Puh, we know he could not choose but like it:
1360go thy wayes, thou art a fine witty fellow ifaith, thou
shalt discourse it to us at the Tavern anon, wilt thou?
Pye. I, I, that I will,---look Serjeants, here are Maps,
and pretty toyes, be doing in the mean time, I shall quick-
ly have told out the money, you know.
1365Put. Go, go, little villain, fetch thy chinck, I begin
to love thee, I'le be drunk to night in thy company.
Pye. This Gentleman I may well call a part
Of my salvation, in these earthly evils,
For he has sav'd me from three hungry Devils.
1370
Exit George.
Put. Sirrah Serjeant, these Maps are pretty painted
things, but I could nere fancie them yet, me thinks they're
too busie, and full of Circles and Conjurations; they say
all the World's in one of them, but I could nere find the
1375Counter in the Poultry.
Rav. I think so: how could you find it? for you know
it stands behind the houses.
Dog. Mass that's true, then we must look oth'back-
side for't: sfoot here's nothing, all's bare.
1380Rav. I warrant thee that stands for the Counter, for
you know there's a company of bare fellows there.
Put. Faith like enough, Serjeant, I never markt so
much before. Sirrah Serjeant, and Yeoman, I should
love these Maps out a cry now, if we could see men peep
1385out of door in 'em, oh we might have'em in a morning to
our Break-fast so finely, and nere knock our heels to the
ground a whole day for 'em.
Rav. I marry sir, I'de buy one my self.
But this talk is by the way, where shall's sup to night:
1390Five pound receiv'd, let's talk of that.
I have a trick worth all, you two shall bear him toth'Ta-
vern, whilst I go close with his Hostess, and work out of
her, I know she would be glad of the summe, to finger
money; because shee knows 'tis but a desperate debt, and
1395full of hazard: what will you say if I bring it to pass, that
the Hostess shall be contented with one half for all, and
we to share tother fifty shillings, Bullies.
Put. Why I would call thee King of Serjeants, and
thou should'st be Chronicled in the Counter-Book for
1400ever.
Ra. Well, put it to me, we'll make a Night on't ifaith.
Dog. Sfoot, I think he receives more money, he stayes
so long.
Put. He tarries long indeed, may be, I can tell you,
1405upon the good liking on't the Gentleman may prove
more bountifull.
Rav. That would be rare, we'll search him.
Put. Nay be sure of it, we'll search him, and make
him light enough.
1410
Enter the Gentleman.
Ra. Oh here comes the Gentleman, by your leave, Sir.
Gen. God you god den sirs,--would you speak with me?
Put. No, not with your worship, sir; only we are bold
to stay for a friend of ours, that went in with your wor-
1415ship.
Gen. Who? not the Schollar?
Put. Yes, e'en he, an it please your worship.
Gen. Did he make you stay for him? he did you wrong
then: why, I can assure you he's gon above an hour ago.
1420Rav. How, Sir?
Gen. I paid him his money, and my man told me he
went out at back-door.
Put. Back-door?
Gen. Why, what's the matter?
1425Put. He was our prisoner, sir, we did arrest him.
Gen. What he was not? you the Sheriff's Officers---
you were too blame then,
Why did you not make known to me as much;
I could have kept him for you, I protest,
1430He receiv'd all of me in Britain Gold,
Of the last coyning.
Ra Vengeance dog him with't.
Put. Sfoot has he gull'd us so?
Dog. Where shall we sup now, Serjeants?
1435Put. Sup Simon, now, eat Porridge for a month.
Well, we cannot impute it to any lack of good will in
your Worship,--you did but as another would have
done, 'twas our hard fortunes to miss the purchase, but
if e'er we clutch him again, the Counter shall charm him.
1440Ra. The Hole shall rot him.
Dog. Amen.
Exeunt.
Gent. So,
Vex out your Lungs without doors, I am proud,
It was my hap to help him, it fell fit,
1445He went not empty neither for his wit:
Alas poor wretch, I could not blame his brain,
To labour his delivery, to be free,
From their unpittying fangs,--I'me glad it stood,
Within my power to do a Scholar good.
Exit.