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The Puritan Widow (Folio 3, 1664)

Author: Anonymous
Not Peer Reviewed
Enter Puttock and Ravenshaw two Serjeants, with Yeo-
man Dogson, to arrest the Scholler George Pye-boord.
Put. His Hostesse where he lies will trust him no
1145longer, she hath feed me to arrest him; if you will ac-
company me, because I know not of what nature the
Schollar is, whether desperate or swift, you shall share
with me, Serjeant Raven-shaw, I have the good Angel to
arrest him.
1150Raven. Troth I'le take part with thee then, Serjeant,
not for the sake of the money so much, as for the hate I
bear to a Schollar: why, Serjeant, 'tis naturall in us
you know to hate Schollars: naturall besides, they will
publish our imperfections, knaveries, and Conveyances
1155upon Scaffolds and Stages.
Put. I, and spightfully too; troth I have wondred
how the slaves could see into our breasts so much, when
our Doublets are button'd with Pewter.
Raven. I, and so close without yielding: oh, their
1160parlous fellowes, they will search more with their wits,
than a Constable with all his Officers.
Put. Whist, whist, whist, Yeoman Dogson, Yeoman
Dogson.
Dog. Ha? what sayes Serjeant?
1165Put. Is he in the Pothecaries shop still,
Dog. I, I.
Put. Have an eye, have an eye.
Raven. The best is, Serjeant, if he be a true Schollar
he weares no weapon I think.
1170Put. No, no, he weares no weapon.
Raven. Masse, I am right glad of that: 'thas put me
in better heart; nay if I clutch him once, let me alone
to drag him if he be stiff-necked; I have been one of
the six my self, that has dragg'd as tall men of their hands,
1175when their weapons have bin gone, as ever bastinado'd
a Serjeant---I have done I can tell you.
Dog. Serjeant Puttock, Serjeant Puttock.
Put. Hoh.
Dog. He's comming out single.
1180Put. Peace, peace, be not too greedy, let him play a
little, let him play a little, we'll jerk him up of a sudden,
I ha fisht in my time.
Raven I, and caught many a fool, Serjeant.
Enter Pye-boord.
1185Pye. I parted now from Nicholas: the Chain's couch't,
And the old Knight has spent his rage upon't,
The Widow holds me in great admiration
For cunning Art: 'mongst joyes I'me e'ne lost,
For my device can no way now be crost,
1190And now I must to prison to the Captain, and there---
Put. I arrest you, sir.
Pye. Oh---I spoke truer then I was aware, I must to
prison indeed.
Put. They say you're a Schollar, nay sir---Yeoman
1195Dogson, have care to his armes---you'll raile again Ser-
jeants, and stage 'em: you tickle their vices.
Pye. Nay, use me like a Gentleman, I'me little lesse.
Put. You a Gentleman? that's a good jest ifaith;
can a Schollar be a Gentleman,---when a Gentleman
1200will not be a Schollar;---look upon your wealthy Citi-
zens Sons, whether they be Schollars or no, that are Gen-
tlemen by their Fathers Trades: a Schollar a Gentleman!
Pye. Nay, let Fortune drive all her stings into me,
she cannot hurt that in me, a Gentleman, Accidens in-
1205separabile to my blood.
Raven. A rablement, nay you shall have a bloody
rablement upon you I warrant you.
Put. Go, Yeoman Dogson, before, and enter the A-
ction ith' Counter.
1210Pye. Pray doe not handle me cruelly, I'le go
Ex. Dogs.
Whether you please to have me.
Put. Oh, he's tame, let him loose Serjeant.
Pye. Pray at whose Suit is this?
Put. Why, at your Hostesses Suit where you lie, Mi-
1215stresse Cunniburrow, for bed and board, the summe four
pound five shillings and five pence.
Pye. I know the summe too true, yet I presum'd
Upon a farther day; well, 'tis my starres:
And I must bear it now, though never harder.
1220I swear now, my device is crost indeed.
Captain must lie by't: this is Deceits seed.
Put. Come, come away.
Pye. Pray give me so much time as to knit my garter,
and I'le away with you.
1225Put. Well, we must be paid for this waiting upon you,
this is no pains to attend thus.
Making to tie his Garter.
Pye. I am now wretched and miserable, I shall ne're
recover of this disease: hot Iron gnaw their fists: they
have struck a Fever into my shoulder, which I shall ne're
1230shake out again I fear me, till with a true Habeas Corpus
the Sexton remove me, oh if I take prison once, I shall be
prest to death with Actions, but not to happy as speedily;
perhaps I may be forty year a pressing till I be a thin old
man, that looking through the grates, men may look
1235through me; all my means is confounded, what shall I
do? has my wit served me so long, and now give me the
slip (like a train'd servant) when I have most need of
'em: no device to keep my poor carcase from these Put-
tocks?---yes, happinesse, have I a paper about me now?
1240yes too, I'le try it, it may hit, Extremity is Touch-stone
unto wit, I, I.
Put. 'Sfoot how many yards are in thy Garters, that
thou art so lo long a tying on them? come away sir.
Pye. Troth Serjeant I protest; you could never ha
1245took me at a worse time, for now at this instant, I have
no lawfull picture about me.
Put. 'Slid how shall we come by our fees then.
Rav. We must have fees, sirra.
Pye. I could have wisht ifaith, that you had took me
1250halfe an hour hence for your own sake, for I protest if
you had not crost me, I was going in great joy to receive
five pound of a Gentleman, for the Device of a Mask
here, drawn in this paper but now, come, I must be con-
tented, 'tis but so much lost, and answerable to the rest of
1255my fortunes.
Put. Why how far hence dwells that Gentleman?
Rav. I, well said Serjeant, 'tis good to cast about for
mony.
Put. Speak, if it be not far---
1260Pye. We are but a little past it, the next streeet behind us.
Put. 'Slid we have waited upon you grievously already,
if you'll say you'll be liberal when you ha't, give us double
fees, and spend upon's, why we'll show you that kind-
ness, and go along with you to the Gentleman.
1265Rav I, well said still Serjeant, urge that.
Pye. Troth if it will suffice, it shall all be among you,
for my part I'le not pocket a penny, my Hostess shall
have her four pound five shillings, and bate me the five
pence, and the other fifteen shillings I'le spend upon you.
1270Ravinish. Why now thou art a good Schollar.
Put. An excellent Schollar ifaith; has proceeded very
well alate; come, we'll along with you.
Exeunt with him, passing in they knock at the
door with a knocker withinside.