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Author: Anonymous
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The Puritan (Folio 3, 1664)

The Puritan Widow.
Sir God. I, and a banquet ready by this time, Master
Sheriffe, to which I most cheerfully invite you, and your
late prisoner there: see you this goodly Chain, sir, mum,
no more words, 'twas lost and is found again; come, my
2135inestimable Bullies, we'll talk of your noble Acts in
sparkling Charnico, and instead of a Jester, we'll ha the
Ghost ith' white sheet sit at upper end oth' Table.
Sheriffe. Exlent merry man ifaith.
Franck. Well, seeing I am enjoyn'd to love and mar-
2140My foolish vow thus I casheere to aire
Which first begot it,--now love play thy part;
The Schollar reads his lecture in my heart.

Actus Quintus.

Enter in haste Master Edmond and Frailty.

2145Edm. This is the Marriage morning for my Mother
and my Sister.
Frail. O me, Master Edmond, we shall have rare do-
Edm. Nay go, Frailty, run to the Sexton, you know
2150my mother will be married at Saint Antlings, hie thee, 'tis
past five, bid them open the Church door, my Sister is al-
most ready.
Fra. What already, Master Edmond?
Edm. Nay go hie thee, first run to the Sexton, and
2155run to the Clerk, and then run to Master Pigman the
Parson, and then run to the Milliner, and then run home
Frail. Here's run, run, run---
Ed. But hark, Frailty.
2160Fra. What, more yet?
Edm. Has the Maids remembred to strew the way to
the Church.
Fra. Foh, an hour ago I helpt 'em my self.
Ed. Away, away, away, away then.
2165Frail. Away, away, away, away, then.
Exit Frailty.
Edm. I shall have a simple Father-in-law, a brave
Captain, able to beat all our street: Captain Idle, now
my Lady Mother will be fitted for a delicate name, my
Lady Idle, my Lady Idle, the finest name that can be for
2170a woman, and then the Schollar, Master Pye-boord for
my Sister Frances, that will be Mistresse Frances Pye-
boord, Mistresse Frances Pye-boord, they'll keep a good
Table I warrant you: Now all the Knights noses are put
out of joynt, they may go to a Bone-setters now.

Enter Captain and Pye-boord.
Hark, hark; oh who comes here with two Torches before
'em, my sweet Captain, and my fine Schollar? oh how
bravely they are shot up in one night, they look like fine
Britains now me thinks, here's a gallant change ifaith;
2180'slid, they have hir'd men and all by the Clock.
Cap. Master Edmond, kind, honest, dainty Master
Edm. Poh, sweet Ceptain Father-in-law, a rare per-
fume ifaith.
2185Pye. What, are the Brides stirring? may we steall up-
on 'em think'st thou, Master Edmond?
Edm. Faw, their e'ne upon readinesse I can assure
you: for they were at their Torch e'ne now, by the same
token I tumbled down the staires.
2190Pye. Alass, poor Master Edmond.

Enter Musicians.

Cap. O, the Musicians! I prethee, Master Edmond,
call 'em in and liquor 'em a little.
Edm. That I will, sweet Captain Father-in-law, and
2195make each of them as drunk as a common Fidler.
Exeunt omnes.

Enter Sir John Penny-Dub, and Moll above lacing
of her cloathes.

Pen. Whewh, Mistresse Moll, Mistresse Moll.
2200Moll. Who's there?
Pen. 'Tis I.
Moll. Who, Sir John Penny-Dub? O you're an early
Cock ifaith, who would have thought you to be so rare a
2205Pen. Prethee, Moll, let me come up.
Moll. No by my faith Sir John, I'le keep you down,
for you Knights are very dangerous if once you get a-
Pen. I'le not stay ifaith.
2210Mol. Ifaith you shall stay: for, Sir John, you must
note the nature of the Climates: your Northern Wench
in her own Countrey may well hold out till she be fif-
teen, but if she touch the South once, and come up to
London, here the Chimes go presently after twelve.
2215Pen. O th'art a mad Wench, Moll, but I prethee
make haste, for the Priest is gone before.
Moll. Do you follow him, I'le not be long after.

Enter Sir Oliver Muck-hill, Sir Andrew Tipstaffe,
and old Skirmish talking.

Muck. O monstrous unheard of forgery.
Tip. Knight, I never heard of such villany in our own
Countrey, in my life.
Muck. Why 'tis impossible. dare you maintain your
Skir. Dare we? e'ne to their wezen pipes: we know
all their plots, they cannot squander with us, they have
knavishly abus'd us, made onely properties on's to ad[-}
vance their selves upon our shoulders, but they shall rue
2230their abuses, this morning they are to be married.
Muck. 'Tis too true, yet if the Widow be not too
much besotted on slights and forgeries, the revelation of
their villanies will make 'em loathsome, and to that end,
be it in private to you, I sent late last night to an ho-
2235nourable personage, to whom I am much indebted in
kindnesse, as he is to me, and therefore presume upon
the payment of his tongue, and that he will lay out good
words for me, and to speak truth, for such needfull occa-
sions, I onely preserve him in bond, and sometimes he
2240may doe me more good here in the City by a free word
of his mouth, then if he had paid one half in hand, and
took Doomesday for tother.
Tip. Introth, sir, without soothing be it spoken, you
have publisht much judgement in these few words.
2245Muck. For you know, what such a man utters will
be thought effectuall; and to weighty purpose, and there-
fore into his mouth we'll put the approved theame of
their forgeries.
Skir. And I'le maintain it, Knight, if she'll be true.