Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: Anonymous
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The Puritan (Folio 3, 1664)

The Puritan Widow.
1490Pye. Why every fool knowes that Captain: nay then
I'le not cog with you, Captain, if you'll stay and hang
the next Sessions you may.
Cap. No, by my faith, George, come, come, let's to
1495Pye. But if you look to be released, as my wits have
took pain to work it, and all means wrought to farther it,
besides to put Crowns in your purse, to make you a man
of better hopes, and whereas before you were a Captain
or poor Souldier, to make you now a Commander of rich
1500fooles, (which is truly the onely best purchase peace can
allow you) safer then High-wayes, Heath, or Cony-groves,
and yet a far better booty; for your greatest thieves are
never hang'd, never hang'd; for why? they're wise, and
cheat within doores; and we geld fooles of more money
1505in one night, then your false-tail'd Gelding will purchase
in a twelve-moneths running, which confirmes the old
Bedlams saying, he's wisest, that keeps himself warmest,
that is, he that robs by a good fire.
Capt. Well opened ifaith, George, thou hast pull'd
1510that saying out of the husk.
Pye. Captain Idle, 'Tis no time now to delude or de-
lay, the old Knight will be here suddenly, I'le perfect
you, direct you, tell you the trick on't: 'tis nothing.
Capt. 'Sfoot, George, I know not what to say to't,
1515conjure? I shall be hang'd ere I conjure.
Pye. Nay, tell not me of that, Captain, you'll ne're
conjure after you're hang'd, I warrant you, look you, sir,
a parlous matter, sure, first to spread your circle upon the
ground, then with a little conjuring ceremony, as I'le
1520have an Hackney-mans wand silver'd o're a purpose for
you, then arriving in the circle, with a huge word, and a
great trample, as for instance: have you never seen a stal-
king, stamping Player, that will raise a tempest with his
tongue, and thunder with his heeles?
1525Cap. O yes, yes, yes; often, often.
Pye. Why be like such a one? for any thing will blear
the old Knights eyes: for you must note, that he'll ne're
dare to venture into the room, onely perhaps peep fear-
fully through the Key-hole, to see how the Play goes for-
Capt. Well, I may go about it when I will, but mark
the end on't, I shall but shame my self ifaith, George,
speak big words, and stamp and stare, and he look in at
Key-hole, why the very thought of that would make me
1535laugh out-right, and spoile all: nay I'le tell thee, George,
when I apprehend a thing once, I am of such a laxative
laughter, that if the Devil himself stood by, I should
laugh in his face.
Pye. Puh, that's but the babe of a man, and may easi-
1540ly be husht, as to think upon some disaster, some sad mis-
fortune, as the death of thy Father ith' Countrey.
Cap. 'Sfoot, that would be the more to drive me into
such an extasie, that I should lin laughing.
Pye. Why then think upon going to hanging else.
1545Cap. Masse that's well remembred, now I'le doe well,
I warrant thee, ne're fear me now: but how shall I doe,
George, for boysterous words, and horrible names?
Pye. Puh, any fustian invocations, Captain, will serve
as well as the best, so you rant them out well, or you may
1550go to a Pothecaries shop, and take all the words from the
Cap. Troth, and you say true, George, there's strange
words enow to raise a hundred Quack-salvers, though
they be ne're so poor when they begin? but here lies the
1555fear on't, how in this false conjuration, a true Devil
should pop up indeed.
Pye. A true Devil, Captain? why there was ne're such
a one, nay faith he that has this place, is as false a Knave
as our last Church-warden.
1560Cap. Then h'as false enough a conscience ifaith, George.

The Cry at Marshalsea.

Cry prisoners. Good Gentlemen over the way, send
your relief:
Good Gentlemen over the way,---Good sir Godfrey?
1565Pye. He's come, he's come.
Nich. Master, that's my Kinsman yonder in the Buff-
Jerkin---Kinsman, that's my Master yonder ith' Taffa-
ty Hat---pray salute him intirely?

They salute: and Pye-boord salutes Master Edmond.

1570Sir God. Now my friend.
Pye. May I partake your name, sir?
Edm. My name is Master Edmond.
Pye. Master Edmond,---are you not a Welsh-man, sir?
Edm. A Welsh-man? why?
1575Pye. Because Master is your Christen name, and Ed-
mond your sir-name.
Edm. O no: I have more names at home, Master
Edmond Plus is my full name at length.
Pye. O cry you mercy sir?
1580Cap. I understand that you are my Kinsmans good
Master, and in regard of that, the best of my skill is at
your service: but had you fortun'd a meer stranger, and
made no meanes to me by acquaintance, I should have
utterly denyed to have been the man; both by reason of
1585the Act of Parliament against Conjurers and Witches,
as also, because I would not have my Art vulgar, trite,
and common.
Sir God. I much commend your care there, good
Captain Conjurer, and that I will be sure to have it pri-
1590vate enough, you shall do't in my Sisters house,---mine
own house I may call it, for both our charges therein are
Capt. Very good, sir,---what may I call your losse, sir?
Sir God. O you may call't a great losse, a grievous
1595losse, sir, as goodly a Chain of Gold, though I say it, that
wore it: how sayest thou, Nicholas?
Nich. O 'twas as delicious a Chain a Gold, Kinsman
you know,---
Sir God. You know? did you know't, Captain?
1600Cap. Trust a fool with secrets?---Sir he may say I
know: his meaning is, because my Art is such, that by it
I may gather a knowledge of all things.---
Sir God. I very true.
Capt. A pax of all fooles---the excuse stuck upon my
1605tongue like Ship-pitch uoon a Mariners Gown, not to
come off in haste---ber-lady, Knight, to lose such a fair
Chain a Gold, were a foule losse: Well, I can put you in
this good comfort on't, if it be between heaven and earth,
Knight, I'le ha't for you?
1610Sir God. A wonderfull Conjurer,---O I, 'tis between
heaven and earth I warrant you, it cannot go out of the
Realm,---I know 'tis somewhere about the earth.
Cap. I, nigher the earth then thou wot'st on.
Sir God. For first my Chain was rich, and no rich
1615thing shall enter into heaven, you know.
Nich. And as for the Devil, Master, he has no need
on't, for you know he has a great Chain of his own.
Sir God.