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The Tragedy of Locrine (Third Folio, 1664)

Author: Anonymous
Not Peer Reviewed
Scena Quarta.
Enter Strumbo, Trumpart, Oliver, and his son Wil-
1130liam following them
.
Strum. Nay neighbour Oliver, if you be so whot,
come prepare your self, you shall find two as stout fellows
of us, as any in all the North.
Oliv. No by my dorth neighbour Strumbo, Ich zee
1135dat you are a man of small zideration, dat will zeek to
injure your old vreends, one of your vamiliar guests, and
derefore zeeing your pinion is to deal withouten reazon,
Ich and my zonne William will take dat course, dat shall
be fardest vrom reason; how zay you, will you have my
1140Daughter or no?
Strum. A very hard question neighbour, but I will
solve it as I may: what reason have you to demand it
of me?
Will. Marry sir, what reason had you when my sister
1145was in the barn to tumble her upon the hay, and to fish
her Belly.
Strum. Mass thou say'st true; well, but would you
have me marry her therefore? No, I scorn her, and you,
and you. I, I scorn you all.
1150Oliv. You will not have her then?
Strum. No, as I am a true Gentleman.
Will. Then will we school you, ere you and we part
hence.
Enter Margerie, and snatch the staff out of her bro-
1155thers hand as he is fighting
.
Strum. I, you come in pudding time, or else I had
drest them.
Mar. You master sawce-box, lobcock, cocks-comb,
you slopsawce, lickfingers, will you not hear?
1160Strum. Who speak you to, me?
Mar. I sir, to you, John lackhonestie, littlewit, is it
you that will have none of me?
Strum. No by my troth, mistress nicebice, how fine
you can nick-name me; I think you were brought up in
1165the University of Bridewell, you have your Rhetorick so
ready at your tongues end, as if you were never well
warned when you were young.
Mar. Why then goodman cods-head, if you will have
none of me, farewell.
1170Strum. If you be so plain, mistress driggle-d
raggle,
fare you well.
Mar. Nay, master Strumbo, ere you go from hence we
must have more words, you will have none of me?
They both fight.
1175Strum. Oh my head, my head, leave, leave, leave,
I will, I will, I will.
Mar. Upon that condition I let thee alone.
Oliv. How now master Strumbo, hath my daughter
taught you a new lesson?
1180Strum. I but hear you, goodman Oliver? it will not
be for my ease to have my head broken every day, therefore
remedy this, and we shall agree.
Oli. Well, Zon, well, for you are my Zon now, all
shall be remedied, Daughter be friends with him.
1185
Shake hands.
Strum. You are a sweet Nut, the Devil crack you.
Masters, I think it be my luck, my first wife was a loving
quiet wench, but this I think would weary the Devil. I
would she might be burnt as my other Wife was; if not,
1190I must run to the Halter for help. O Codpiece, thou hast
undone thy Master, this it is to be medling with warm
plackets.
Exeunt.