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Author: Anonymous
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The London Prodigal (Folio 3, 1664)


2
The London Prodigal.
and odde pounds, and a daily friend beside, by this hand,
Uncle, 'tis true.
Unc. Why, any thing is true for ought I know.
Flow. To see now: why you shall have my bond Un-
100cle, or Tom Whites, James Brocks: or Nick Halls, as
good rapier and dagger men, as any be in England, let's
be damn'd if we do not pay you, the worst of us all will
not damne our selves for ten pound. A pox of ten pound.
Unc.Cousin, this is not the first time I have believ'd you.
105Flow. Why trust me now, you know not what my fall:
If one thing were but true, I would not greatly care,
I should not need ten pound, but when a man cannot be
believ'd, there's it.
Unc. Why what is it, cousin?
110Flow. Marry this Uncle, can you tell me if the Katern-
hue be come home or no?
Unc. I marry is't.
Flow. By God I thank you for that news.
What is't in the pool can you tell?
115Unc. It is; what of that?
Flow. What? why then I have six pieces of velvet sent
I'le give you a piece, Uncle: for thus said the letter,
A piece of Ash-colour, a three-pil'd black, a colour'd, de-
A crimson, a sad green, and a purple: yes ifaith.
120Unc. From whom should you receive this?
Flow. From who? why from my father? with com-
mendations to you, Uncle, and thus he writes: I know,
saith he, thou hast much troubled thy kind Unkle, whom
God-willing at my return I will see amply satisfied;
125Amply, I remember was the very word; so God help me.
Unc. Have you the letter here?
Flo. Yes I have the letter here, here is the letter: no, yes,
no, let me see, what breeches wore I on Saterday: let me
see, a Tuesday, my Calymanka, a Wednesday, my peach-
130colour Sattin, a Thursday my Vellure, a Friday my Ca-
lymanka again, a Saterday, let me see, a Saterday, for in
those breeches I wore a Saterday is the letter: O my ri-
ding breeches, Uncle, those that you thought had been
velvet, In those very breeches is the letter.
135Unc. When should it be dated?
Flow. Marry Didissimo tersios Septembris, no, no,
tridissimo tertios Octobris, I Octobris, so it is.
Unc.Dicditimo tersios Octobris: and here receive I a
letter that your father died in June: how say you, Kester?
140Fath. Yes truly, sir, your father is dead, these hands
of mine holp to winde him.
Flow. Dead?
Fath. I, sir, dead.
Flow. 'Sbloud, how should my father come dead?
145Fath. Ifaith sir, according to the old Proverb,
The child was born, and cryed, became man,
After fell sick, and died.
Unc. Nay, cousin, do not take it so heavily.
Flow. Nay I cannot weep you extempory, marry
150some two or three dayes hence, I shall weep without any
stintance. But I hope he dyed in good memory.
Fath. Very well, sir, and set down every thing in
good order,
And the Katherine and Hue you talkt of, I came over in;
155And I saw all the bills of lading, and the velvet
That you talkt of, there is no such aboard.
Flo. By God I assure you, then there is knavery abroad.
Fath. I'le be sworn of that: there's knavery abroad,
Although there were never a piece of velvet in Venice.
160Flow. I hope he died in good estate.
Fath. To the report of the world he did, and made his
Of which I am an unworthy bearer.
Flow. His will, have you his will?
Fath. Yes, sir, and in the presence of your Uncle,
165I was willed to deliver it.
Unc. I hope, cousin, now God hath blessed you with
wealth, you will not be unmindfull of me.
Flow. I'le do reason, Unkle; yet ifaith I take the
denial of this ten pound very hardly.
170Unc. Nay I deny'd you not.
Flow. By God you deni'd me directly.
Unc. I'le be judg'd by this good-fellow.
Fath. Not directly, sir.
Flow. Why he said he would lend me none, and that
175had wont to be a direct denial, if the old phrase hold:
Well, Uncle, come we'll fall to the Legasies,
In the name of God, Amen.
Item, I bequeath to my brother Flowerdale, three hun-
dred pounds, to pay such trivial debts as I owe in London.
180Item, to my son Mat Flowerdale, I bequeath two bail
of false dice, Videllicet, high men and low men, fullomes,
stop cater traies, and other bones of function.
Flow. 'Sbloud what doth he mean by this?
Unc. Proceed, Cousin.
185Flow. These precepts I leave him, let him borrow of his
For of his word no body will trust him.
Let him by no means marry an honest woman,
For the other will keep her self.
Let him steal as much as he can, that a guilty conscience
190May bring him to this destinate repentance,
I think he means hanging. And this were his last will
and Testament, the Devil stood laughing at his beds
feet while he made it. 'Sbloud, what doth he think to fop
off his posterity with Paradoxes.
195Fath. This he made, sir, with his own hands.
Flow. I, well, nay come, good Uncle, let me have this
ten pound, Imagine you have lost it, or rob'd of it, or
misreckon'd your self so much: any way to make it come
easily off, good Uncle.
200Unc. Not a penny.
Fath. Ifaith lend it him, sir,; I my self have an e-
state in the City worth twenty pound, all that I'le ingage
for him, he saith it concerns him in a marriage.
Flow.I marry doth it, this is a fellow of some sense,
205this: come, good Uncle.
Unc. Will you give your word for it, Kester?
Fath. I will, sir, willingly.
Unc. Well, cousin, come to me some hour hence, you
shall have it ready.
210Flow. Shall I not fail?
Unc. You shall not, come or send.
Flow. Nay I'le come my self.
Fath. By my troth, would I were your worships man.
Flow. What? would'st thou serve?
215Fath. Very willingly, sir.
Flow. Why I'le tell thee what thou shalt do, thou
saist thou hast twenty pound, go into Burchin Lane,
put thy self into cloaths, thou shalt ride with me to
Croyden Fayr.
220Fath.I thank you, sir, I will attend you.
Flow. Well, Uncle, you will not fail me an hour hence.
Unc. I will not, cousin.
Flow. What's thy name, Kester?
Fath. I, sir.
Flo. Well, provide thy self: Uncle, farewell till anon.
225
Exit Flowerdale.
Unc. Brother, how do you like your son?
Fath. Ifaith brother, like a mad unbridled colt,
Or