¶Enter the Pedant, the Curat, and Dull.
1740Pedant. Satis quid sufficit.
¶Curat. I pray
se God for you
sir, your rea
sons at Dinner
¶haue been
sharpe &
sententious: plea
sant without
scurillitie,
¶wittie without affection, audatious without impudencie,
¶learned without opinion, and
strange without here
sie: I did
1745conuer
se this quondam day with a companion of the kings,
¶who is intituled, nominated, or called,
Don Adriano de Ar-
¶Ped. Noui hominum tanquam te, His humour is loftie, his
¶di
scour
se peremptorie: his tongue fyled, his eye ambitious,
1750his gate maie
sticall, and his generall behauiour vaine, redicu-
¶lous, & thra
sonicall. He is too picked, to
spruce, too affected,
¶to od as it were, too peregrinat as I may call it.
¶Curat. A mo
st
singuler and choyce Epithat,
1755Draw-out his Table-booke.
¶Peda. He draweth out the thred of his verbo
sitie, finer
¶then the
staple of his argument. I abhorre
such phanatticall
¶phanta
sims,
such in
sociable and poynt deui
se companions,
¶such rackers of ortagriphie, as to
speake dout fine, when he
1760should
say doubt; det, when he
shold pronounce debt; d e b 't,
¶not det: he clepeth a Calfe, Caufe: halfe, haufe: neighbour
¶vocatur nebour; neigh abreuiated ne: this is abhominable,
¶which he would call abbominable, it in
sinuateth me of in-
¶famie:
ne inteligis domine, to make frantique lunatique?
¶Curat. Laus deo, bene intelligo.
¶Peda. Bome boon for boon prescian, a litle
scratcht, twil
serue.
1770Curat. Vides ne quis venit?
¶Peda. Quari Chirra, not Sirra?
¶Brag. Men of peace well incontred.
1775Ped. Mo
st millitarie
sir
salutation.
¶Boy. They haue been at a great fea
st of Languages, and
¶Clow. O they haue lyud long on the alm
sba
sket of wordes.
¶I maruaile thy M. hath not eaten thee for a worde, for thou
1780art not
so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus:
¶Thou art ea
sier
swallowed then a flapdragon.
¶Page. Peace, the peale begins.
¶Brag. Moun
sier, are you not lettred?
1785Page. Yes yes, he teaches boyes the Horne-booke: What
¶is Ab
speld backward with the horne on his head?
¶Poda. Ba,
puericia with a horne added.
¶Pag. Ba mo
st
seely Sheepe, with a horne: you heare his
1790Peda. Quis quis thou Con
sonant?
¶Pag. The la
st of the fiue Vowels if You repeate them,
¶Peda. I will repeate them: a e I.
¶Pag. The Sheepe, the other two concludes it o u.
1795Brag. Now by the
sault wane of the meditaranium, a
¶sweete tutch, a quicke vene we of wit,
snip
snap, quicke and
¶home, it reioyceth my intellect, true wit.
¶Page. Offerd by a childe to an old man: which is wit-old.
1800Peda. What is the figure? What is the figure?
¶Peda. Thou di
sputes like an Infant: goe whip thy Gigg.
¶Pag. Lende me your Horne to make one, and I will whip
1805about your Infamie
vnū cita a gigge of a Cuckolds horne.
¶Clow. And I had but one peny in the world thou
should
st
¶haue it to buy Ginger bread: Holde, there is the verie
¶Remuneration I had of thy Mai
ster, thou halfepennie
1810pur
se of wit, thou Pidgin-egge of di
scretion. O and the
¶heauens were
so plea
sed, that thou wart but my Ba-
stard; What a ioyfull father wouldest thou make me?
¶Go to, thou ha
st it
ad dungil at the fingers ends, as they
say.
¶Peda. Oh I
smell fal
se Latine,
dunghel for
vnguem.
1815Brag. Arts-man preambulat, we will be
singuled from the
¶barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the Charg-Hou
se
¶on the top of the Mountaine?
¶Brag. At your
sweete plea
sure, for the Mountaine.
1820Peda. I do
sans question.
¶Bra. Sir, it is the Kings mo
st
sweete plea
sur & affection,
¶to congratulate the Prince
sse at her Pauilion, in the
posteriors
¶of this day, which the rude multitude call the after-noone.
1825Peda. The
posterior of the day, mo
st generous
sir, is liable,
¶congruent, and mea
surable for the after noone: the worde is
¶well culd, cho
se,
sweete, & apt I do a
ssure you
sir, I do a
ssure.
¶Brag. Sir, the King is a noble Gentleman, and my fami-
1830lier, I do a
ssure ye very good friende: for what is inwarde
¶betweene vs, let it pa
sse. I do be
seech thee remember thy
¶curte
sie. I be
seech thee apparrell thy head: and among other
¶importunt and mo
st
serious de
signes, and of great import in
¶deede too: but let that pa
sse for I mu
st tell thee it will
1835plea
se his Grace (by the worlde)
sometime to leane vpon
¶my poore
shoulder, and with his royall finger thus dallie
¶with my excrement, with my mu
stachie: but
sweete hart
¶let that pa
sse. By the world I recount no fable,
some certaine
¶special honours it plea
seth his greatnes to impart to
Armado
1840a Souldier, a man of trauayle, that hath
seene the worlde: but
¶let that pa
sse; the very all of all is: but
sweet hart, I do implore
¶secretie, that the King would haue me pre
sent the Prince
sse
¶(
sweete chuck) with
some delightfull o
stentation, or
show,
1845or pageant, or antique, or fierworke: Now vnder
standing
¶that the Curate and your
sweete
selfe, are good at
such erup-
¶tions, and
sodaine breaking out of myrth (as it were) I haue
¶acquainted you withall, to the ende to craue your a
ssitance.
1850Peda. Sir, you
shall pre
sent before her the Nine Worthies,
¶Sir
Holofernes, as concerning
some entertainement of time,
¶some
show in the po
sterior of this day, to be rended by our
¶a
ssi
stants the Kinges commaund, and this mo
st gallant il-
¶lu
strate and learned Gentleman, before the Prince
sse: I
say
1855none
so fit as to pre
sent the nine Worthies.
¶Curat. Where will you finde men worthie enough to pre-
¶Peda. Iosua, your
selfe, my
selfe, and this gallant Gentle-
1860man
Iudas Machabeus; this Swaine (becau
se of his great lim
¶or ioynt)
shall pa
sse
Pompey the great, the Page
Hercules.
¶Brag. Pardon
sir, error: He is not quantitie enough for
¶that worthies thumbe, he is not
so big as the end of his Club.
¶Peda. Shall I haue audience? He
shall pre
sent
Hercules
¶in minoritie: his enter and exit
shalbe
strangling a Snake;
¶and I will haue an Apologie for that purpo
se.
¶Page. An excellent deuice:
so if any of the audience hi
sse,
1870you may cry, Well done
Hercules, now thou crus
she
st the
¶Snake; that is the way to make an offence gracious, though
¶few haue the grace to do it.
¶Brag. For the re
st of the Worthies?
¶Peda. I will play three my
selfe.
1875Page. Thrice worthie Gentleman.
¶Brag. Shall I tell you a thing?
¶Brag. We will haue, if this fadge not, an Antique. I be-
1880Peda. Via good-man
Dull, thou ha
st
spoken no worde all
¶Dull. Nor vnder
stoode none neither
sir.
¶Ped. Alone, we will employ thee.
¶Dull. Ile make one in a daunce, or
so: or I will play on
1885the Taber to the worthies, and let them dance the hey.
¶Peda. Mo
st
Dull, hone
st
Dull, to our
sport: away.
Exeunt.