Love's Labour's Lost (Folio 1, 1623)

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Loues Labour's lost
1
Actus primus.
Enter Ferdinand King of Nauarre, Berowne, Longauill, and
Dumane.
Ferdinand.
5LEt Fame, that all hunt after in their liues,
Liue registred vpon our brazen Tombes,
And then grace vs in the disgrace of death:
when spight of cormorant deuouring Time,
Th' endeuour of this present breath may buy:
10That honour which shall bate his sythes keene edge,
And make vs heyres of all eternitie.
Therefore braue Conquerours, for so you are,
That warre against your owne affections,
And the huge Armie of the worlds desires.
15Our late edict shall strongly stand in force,
Nauar shall be the wonder of the world.
Our Court shall be a little Achademe,
Still and contemplatiue in liuing Art.
You three, Berowne, Dumaine, and Longauill,
20Haue sworne for three yeeres terme, to liue with me:
My fellow Schollers, and to keepe those statutes
That are recorded in this scedule heere.
Your oathes are past, and now subscribe your names:
That his owne hand may strike his honour downe,
25That violates the smallest branch heerein:
If you are arm'd to doe, as sworne to do,
Subscribe to your deepe oathes, and keepe it to.
Longauill. I am resolu'd, 'tis but a three yeeres fast:
The minde shall banquet, though the body pine,
30Fat paunches haue leane pates: and dainty bits,
Make rich the ribs, but bankerout the wits.
Dumane. My louing Lord, Dumane is mortified,
The grosser manner of these worlds delights,
He throwes vpon the grosse worlds baser slaues:
35To loue, to wealth, to pompe, I pine and die,
With all these liuing in Philosophie.
Berowne. I can but say their protestation ouer,
So much, deare Liege, I haue already sworne,
That is, to liue and study heere three yeeres.
40But there are other strict obseruances:
As not to see a woman in that terme,
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
And one day in a weeke to touch no foode:
And but one meale on euery day beside:
45The which I hope is not enrolled there.
And then to sleepe but three houres in the night,
And not be seene to winke of all the day.
When I was wont to thinke no harme all night,
And make a darke night too of halfe the day:
50Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
O, these are barren taskes, too hard to keepe,
Not to see Ladies, study, fast, not sleepe.
Ferd. Your oath is past, to passe away from these.
Berow. Let me say no my Liedge, and if you please,
55I onely swore to study with your grace,
And stay heere in your Court for three yeeres space.
Longa. You swore to that Berowne, and to the rest.
Berow. By yea and nay sir, than I swore in iest.
What is the end of study, let me know?
60
Fer. Why that to know which else wee should not
know.
Ber. Things hid & bard (you meane) fro[m] co[m]mon sense.
Ferd. I, that is studies god-like recompence.
Bero. Come on then, I will sweare to studie so,
65To know the thing I am forbid to know:
As thus, to study where I well may dine,
When I to fast expressely am forbid.
Or studie where to meet some Mistresse fine,
When Mistresses from common sense are hid.
70Or hauing sworne too hard a keeping oath,
Studie to breake it, and not breake my troth.
If studies gaine be thus, and this be so,
Studie knowes that which yet it doth not know,
Sweare me to this, and I will nere say no.
75
Ferd. These be the stops that hinder studie quite,
And traine our intellects to vaine delight.
Ber. Why? all delights are vaine, and that most vaine
Which with paine purchas'd, doth inherit paine,
As painefully to poare vpon a Booke,
80To seeke the light of truth, while truth the while
Doth falsely blinde the eye-sight of his looke:
Light seeeking light, doth light of light beguile:
So ere you finde where light in darkenesse lies,
Your light growes darke by losing of your eyes.
85Studie me how to please the eye indeede,
By fixing it vpon a fairer eye,
Who dazling so, that eye shall be his heed,
And giue him light that it was blinded by.
Studie is like the heauens glorious Sunne,
90That will not be deepe search'd with sawcy lookes:
Small haue continuall plodders euer wonne,
Saue base authoritie from others Bookes.
These earthly Godfathers of heauens lights,
That giue a name to euery fixed Starre,
95Haue no more profit of their shining nights,
Then those that walke and wot not what they are.
Too much to know, is to know nought but fame:
And euery Godfather can giue a name.
Fer. How well hee's read, to reason against reading.
.
100
Dum. Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding.
Lon. Hee weedes the corne, and still lets grow the
weeding.
Ber. The Spring is neare when greene geesse are a
breeding.
105
Dum. How followes that?
Ber. Fit in his place and time.
Dum. In reason nothing.
Ber. Something then in rime.
Ferd. Berowne is like an enuious sneaping Frost,
110That bites the first borne infants of the Spring.
Ber. Wel, say I am, why should proudSummer boast,
Before the Birds haue any cause to sing?
Why should I ioy in any abortiue birth?
At Christmas I no more desire a Rose,
115Then wish a Snow in Mayes new fangled showes:
But like of each thing that in season growes.
So you to studie now it is too late,
That were to clymbe ore the house to vnlocke the gate.
Fer. Well, sit you out: go home Berowne: adue.
120
Ber. No my good Lord, I haue sworn to stay with you.
And though I haue for barbarisme spoke more,
Then for that Angell knowledge you can say,
Yet confident Ile keepe what I haue sworne,
And bide the pennance of each three yeares day.
125Giue me the paper, let me reade the same,
And to the strictest decrees Ile write my name.
Fer. How well this yeelding rescues thee from shame.
Ber. Item. That no woman shall come within a mile
of my Court.
130Hath this bin proclaimed?
Lon. Foure dayes agoe.
Ber. Let's see the penaltie.
On paine of loosing her tongue.
Who deuis'd this penaltie?
135
Lon. Marry that did I.
Ber. Sweete Lord, and why?
Lon. To fright them hence with that dread penaltie,
A dangerous law against gentilitie.
Item, If any man be seene to talke with a woman with­
140
in the tearme of three yeares, hee shall indure such
publique shame as the rest of the Court shall possibly
deuise.
Ber. This Article my Liedge your selfe must breake,
For well you know here comes in Embassie
145The French Kings daughter, with your selfe to speake:
A Maide of grace and compleate maiestie,
About surrender vp of Aquitaine:
To her decrepit, sicke, and bed-rid Father.
Therefore this Article is made in vaine,
150Or vainly comes th' admired Princesse hither.
Fer. What say you Lords?
Why, this was quite forgot.
Ber. So Studie euermore is ouershot,
While it doth study to haue what it would,
155It doth forget to doe the thing it should:
And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,
'Tis won as townes with fire, so won, so lost.
Fer. We must of force dispence with this Decree,
She must lye here on meere necessitie.
160
Ber. Necessity will make vs all forsworne
Three thousand times within this three yeeres space:
For euery man with his affects is borne,
Not by might mastred, but by speciall grace.
If I breake faith, this word shall breake for me,
165I am forsworne on meere necessitie.
So to the Lawes at large I write my name,
And he that breakes them in the least degree,
Stands in attainder of eternall shame.
Suggestions are to others as to me:
170But I beleeue although I seeme so loth,
I am the last that will last keepe his oth.
But is there no quicke recreation granted?
Fer. I that there is, our Court you know is hanted
With a refined trauailer of Spaine,
175A man in all the worlds new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his braine:
One, who the musicke of his owne vaine tongue,
Doth rauish like inchanting harmonie:
A man of complements whom right and wrong
180Haue chose as vmpire of their mutinie.
This childe of fancie that Armado hight,
For interim to our studies shall relate,
In high-borne words the worth of many a Knight:
From tawnie Spaine lost in the worlds debate.
185How you delight my Lords, I know not I,
But I protest I loue to heare him lie,
And I will vse him for my Minstrelsie.
Bero. Armado is a most illustrious wight,
A man of fire, new words, fashions owne Knight.
190
Lon. Costard the swaine and he, shall be our sport,
And so to studie, three yeeres is but short.
Enter a Constable with Costard with a Letter.
Const. Which is the Dukes owne person.
Ber. This fellow, What would'st?
195
Con. I my selfe reprehend his owne person, for I am
his graces Tharborough: But I would see his own person
in flesh and blood.
Ber. This is he.
Con. Signeor Arme, Arme commends you:
200Ther's villanie abroad, this letter will tell you more.
Clow. Sir the Contempts thereof are as touching
mee.
Fer. A letter from the magnificent Armado.
Ber. How low soeuer the matter, I hope in God for
205high words.
Lon. A high hope for a low heauen, God grant vs pa­
tience.
Ber. To heare, or forbeare hearing.
Lon. To heare meekely sir, and to laugh moderately,
210or to forbeare both.
Ber. Well sir, be it as the stile shall giue vs cause to
clime in the merrinesse.
Clo. The matter is to me sir, as concerning Iaquenetta.
The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.
215
Ber. In what manner?
Clo. In manner and forme following sir all those three.
I was seene with her in the Mannor house, sitting with
her vpon the Forme, and taken following her into the
Parke: which put to gether, is in manner and forme
220
following. Now sir for the manner; It is the manner
of a man to speake to a woman, for the forme in some
forme.
Ber. For the following sir.
Clo. As it shall follow in my correction, and God de­
225fend the right.
Fer. Will you heare this Letter with attention?
Ber. As we would heare an Oracle.
Clo. Such is the simplicitie of man to harken after the
flesh.
230
Ferdinand.
Reat Deputie, the Welkins Vicegerent, and sole domi­
nator of Nauar, my soules earths God, and bodies fo­
string patrone:
Cost. Not a word of Costard yet.
235
Ferd. So it is.
Cost. It may be so: but if he say it is so, he is in telling
true: but so.
Ferd. Peace,
Clow. Be to me, and euery man that dares not fight.
240
Ferd. No words,
Clow. Of other mens secrets I beseech you.
Ferd. So it is besieged with sable coloured melancholie, I
did commend the blacke oppressing humour to the most whole­
some Physicke of thy health-giuing ayre: And as I am a Gen­
245
tleman, betooke my selfe to walke: the time When? about the
sixt houre, When beasts most grase, birds best pecke, and men
sit downe to that nourishment which is called supper: So much
for the time When. Now for the ground Which? which I
meane I walkt vpon, it is ycliped, Thy Parke. Then for the
250
place Where? where I meane I did encounter that obscene and
most preposterous euent that draweth from my snow-white pen
the ebon coloured Inke, which heere thou viewest, beholdest:
suruayest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth
North North-east and by East from the West corner of thy
255
curious knotted garden; There did I see that low spiri­
ted Swaine, that base Minow of thy myrth, (
Clown. Mee?)
that vnletered small knowing soule, )
Clow Me? )
that shallow
vassall (
Clow. Still mee?)
which as I remember, hight Co­
stard, (
Clow. O me)
sorted and consorted contrary to thy e­
260
stablished proclaymed Edict and Continet, Cannon: Which
with, ô with, but with this I passion to say wherewith:
Clo. With a Wench.
Ferd. With a childe of our Grandmother Eue, a female;
or for thy more sweet understanding a woman: him, I (as my
265
euer esteemed dutie prickes me on) haue sent to thee, to receiue
the meed of punishment by the sweet Graces Officer Anthony
Dull, a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, & estimation.
Anth. Me, an't shall please you? I am Anthony Dull.
Ferd. For Iaquenetta (so is the weaker vessell called)
270
which I apprehended with the aforesaid Swaine, I keeper her
as a vessell of thy Lawes furie, and shall at the least of thy
sweet notice, bring her to triall. Thine in all complements of
deuoted and heart-burning heat of dutie.
D
on Adriana de Armado.
275
Ber. This is not so well as I looked for, but the best
that euer I heard.
Fer. I the best, for the worst. But sirra, What say you
to this?
Clo. Sir I confesse the Wench.
280
Fer. Did you heare the Proclamation?
Clo. I doe confesse much of the hearing it, but little
of the marking of it.
Fer. It was proclaimed a yeeres imprisoment to bee
taken with a Wench.
285
Clow. I was taken with none sir, I was taken with a
Damosell.
Fer. Well, it was proclaimed Damosell.
Clo. This was no Damosell neyther sir, shee was a
Virgin.
290
Fer. It is so varried to, for it was proclaimed Virgin.
Clo. If it were, I denie her Virginitie: I was taken
with a Maide.
Fer. This Maid will not serue your turne sir.
Clo. This Maide will serue my turne sir.
295
Kin. Sir I will pronounce your sentence: You shall
fast a Weeke with Branne and water.
Clo. I had rather pray a Moneth with Mutton and
Porridge.
Kin. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
300My Lord Berowne, see him deliuer'd ore,
And goe we Lords to put in practice that,
Which each to other hath so strongly sworne.
Bero. Ile lay my head to any good mans hat,
These oathes and lawes will proue an idle scorne.
305Sirra, come on.
Clo. I suffer for the truth sir: for true it is, I was ta­
ken with Iaquenetta, and Iaquenetta is a true girle, and
therefore welcome the sowre cup of prosperitie, afflicti­
on may one day smile againe, and vntill then sit downe
310sorrow.
Exit.
Enter Armado and Moth his Page.
Arma. Boy, What signe is it when a man of great
spirit growes melancholy?
Boy. A great signe sir, that he will looke sad.
315
Brag. Why? sadnesse is one and the selfe-same thing
deare impe.
Boy. No no, O Lord sir no.
Brag. How canst thou part sadnesse and melancholy
my tender Iuuenall?
320
Boy. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my
tough signeur.
Brag. Why tough signeur? Why tough signeur?
Boy. Why tender Iuuenall? Why tender Iuuenall?
Brag. I spoke it tender Iuuenall, as a congruent apa­
325
thaton, appertaining to thy young daies, which we may
nominate tender.
Boy. And I tough signeur, as an appertinent title to
your olde time, which we may name tough.
Brag. Pretty and apt.
330
Boy. How meane you sir, I pretty, and my saying apt?
or I apt, and my saying prettie?
Brag. Thou pretty because little.
Boy. Little pretty, because little: wherefore apt?
Brag. And therefore apt, because quicke.
335
Boy. Speake you this in my praise Master?
Brag. In thy condigne praise.
Boy. I will praise an Eele with the same praise.
Brag. What? that an Eele is ingenuous.
Boy. That an Eeele is quicke.
340
Brag. I doe say thou art quicke in answeres. Thou
heat'st my bloud.
Boy. I am answer'd sir.
Brag. I loue not to be crost.
Boy. He speakes the meere contrary, crosses loue not(him.
345
Br. I haue promis'd to study iij. yeres with the Duke.
Boy. You may doe it in an houre sir.
Brag. Impossible.
Boy. How many is one thrice told?
Bra. I am ill at reckning, it fits the spirit of a Tapster.
350
Boy. You are a gentleman and a gamester sir.
Brag. I confesse both, they are both the varnish of a
compleat man.
Boy. Then I am sure you know how much the grosse
summe of deus-ace amounts to.
355
Brag. It doth amount to one more then two.
Boy. Which the base vulgar call three.
Br. True.
Boy. Why sir is this such a peece of study?
Now here's three studied, ere you'll thrice wink, & how
easie it is to put yeres to the word three, and study three
360yeeres in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
Brag. A most fine Figure.
Boy. To proue you a Cypher.
Brag. I will heereupon confesse I am in loue: and as
it is base for a Souldier to loue; so am I in loue with a
365
base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
of affection, would deliuer mee from the reprobate
thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ransome
him to any French Courtier for a new deuis'd curtsie. I
thinke scorne to sigh, me thinkes I should out-sweare
370
Cupid. Comfort me Boy, What great men haue beene
in loue?
Boy. Hercules Master.
Brag. Most sweete Hercules: more authority deare
Boy, name more; and sweet my childe let them be men
375of good repute and carriage.
Boy. Sampson Master, he was a man of good carriage,
great carriage: for hee carried the Towne-gates on his
backe like a Porter: and he was in loue.
Brag. O well-knit Sampson, strong ioynted Sampson;
380
I doe excell thee in my rapier, as much as thou didst mee
in carrying gates. I am in loue too. Who was Sampsons
loue my deare Moth?
Boy. A Woman, Master.
Brag. Of what complexion?
385
Boy. Of all the foure, or the three, or the two, or one
of the foure.
Brag. Tell me precisely of what complexion?
Boy. Of the sea-water Greene sir.
Brag. Is that one of the foure complexions?
390
Boy. As I haue read sir, and the best of them too.
Brag. Greene indeed is the colour of Louers: but to
haue a Loue of that colour, methinkes Sampson had small
reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
Boy. It was so sir, for she had a greene wit.
395
Brag. My Loue is most immaculate white and red.
Boy. Most immaculate thoughts Master, are mask'd
vnder such colours.
Brag. Define, define, well educated infant.
Boy. My fathers witte, and my mothers tongue assist
400mee.
Brag. Sweet inuocation of a childe, most pretty and
patheticall.
Boy. If shee be made of white and red,
Her faults will nere be knowne:
405For blush-in cheekes by faults are bred,
And feares by pale white showne:
Then if she feare, or be to blame,
By this you shall not know,
For still her cheekes possesse the same,
410Which natiue she doth owe:
A dangerous rime master against the reason of white
and redde.
Brag. Is there not a ballet Boy, of the King and the
Begger?
415
Boy. The world was very guilty of such a Ballet some
three ages since, but I thinke now 'tis not to be found: or
if it were, it would neither serue for the writing, nor the
tune.
Brag. I will haue that subiect newly writ ore, that I
420
may example my digression by some mighty president.
Boy, I doe loue that Countrey girle that I tooke in
the Parke with the rationall hinde Costard: she deserues
well.
Boy. To bee whip'd: and yet a better loue then my
425Master.
Brag. Sing Boy, my spirit grows heauy in ioue.
Boy. And that's great maruell, louing a light wench.
Brag. I say sing.
Boy. Forbeare till this company be past.
430
Enter Clowne, Constable, and Wench.
Const. Sir, the Dukes pleasure, is that you keepe Co­
stard safe, and you must let him take no delight, nor no
penance, but hee must fast three daies a weeke: for this
Damsell, I must keepe her at the Parke, shee is alowd for
435the Day-woman. Fare you well.
Exit.
Brag. I do betray my selfe with blushing: Maide.
Maid. Man.
Brag. I wil visit thee at the Lodge.
Maid. That's here by.
440
Brag. I know where it is situate.
Mai. Lord how wise you are!
Brag. I will tell thee wonders.
Ma. With what face?
Brag. I loue thee.
445
Mai. So I heard you say.
Brag. And so farewell.
Mai. Faire weather after you.
Clo. Come Iaquenetta, away.
Exeunt.
Brag. Villaine, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere
450thou be pardoned.
Clo. Well sir, I hope when I doe it, I shall doe it on a
full stomacke.
Brag. Thou shalt be heauily punished.
Clo. I am more bound to you then your fellowes, for
455they are but lightly rewarded.
Clo. Take away this villaine, shut him vp.
Boy. Come you transgressing slaue, away.
Clow. Let mee not bee pent vp sir, I will fast being
loose.
460
Boy. No sir, that were fast and loose: thou shalt to
prison.
Clow. Well, if euer I do see the merry dayes of deso­
lation that I haue seene, some shall see.
Boy. What shall some see?
465
Clow. Nay nothing, Master Moth, but what they
looke vpon. It is not for prisoners to be silent in their
words, and therefore I will say nothing: I thanke God, I
haue as little patience as another man, and therefore I
can be quiet.
Exit.
470
Brag. I doe affect the very ground (which is base)
where her shooe (which is baser) guided by her foote
(which is basest) doth tread. I shall be forsworn (which
ia a great argument of falshood) if I loue. And how can
that be true loue, which is falsly attempted? Loue is a fa­
475
miliar, Loue is a Diuell. There is no euill Angell but
Loue, yet Sampson was so tempted, and he had an excel­
lent strength: Yet was Salomon so seduced, and hee had
a very good witte. Cupids Butshaft is too hard for Her­
cules Clubbe, and therefore too much ods for a Spa­
480
niards Rapier: The first and second cause will not serue
my turne: the Passado hee respects not, the Duello he
regards not; his disgrace is to be called Boy, but his
glorie is to subdue men. Adue Valour, rust Rapier, bee
still Drum, for your manager is in loue; yea hee loueth.
485
Assist me some extemporall god of Rime, for I am sure I
shall turne Sonnet. Deuise Wit, write Pen, for I am for
whole volumes in folio.
Exit.
Finis Actus Primus.
Actus Secunda.
490
Enter the Princesse of France, with three attending Ladies,
and three Lords.
Boyet. Now Madam summon vp your dearest spirits,
Consider who the King your father sends:
To whom he sends, and what's his Embassie.
495Your selfe, held precious in the worlds esteeme,
To parlee with the sole inheritour
Of all perfections that a man may owe,
Matchlesse Nauarre, the plea of no lesse weight
Then Aquitaine, a Dowrie for a Queene.
500Be now as prodigall of all deare grace,
As Nature was in making Graces deare,
When she did starue the generall world beside,
And prodigally gaue them all to you.
Queen. Good L. Boyet, my beauty though but mean,
505Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by iudgement of the eye,
Not vttred by base sale of chapmens tongues:
I am lesse proud to heare you tell my worth,
Then you much wiling to be counted wise,
510In spending your wit in the praise of mine.
But now to taske the tasker, good Boyet.
Prin. You are not ignorant all-telling fame
Doth noyse abroad Nauar hath made a vow,
Till painefull studie shall out-weare three yeares,
515No woman may approach his silent Court:
Therefore to's seemeth it a needfull course,
Before we enter his forbidden gates,
To know his pleasure, and in that behalfe
Bold of your worthinesse, we single you,
520As our best mouing faire soliciter:
Tell him, the daughter of the King of France,
On serious businesse crauing quicke dispatch,
Importunes personall conference with his grace.
Haste, signifie so much while we attend,
525Like humble visag'd suters his high will.
Boy. Proud of imployment, willingly I goe.
Exit.
Prin. All pride is willing pride, and yours is so:
Who are the Votaries my Louing Lords, that are vow­
fellowes with this vertuous Duke?
530
Lor. Longauill is one.
Princ. Know you the man?
1 Lady. I know him Madame at a marriage feast,
Betweene L. Perigort and the beautious heire
Of Iaques Fauconbridge solemnized.
535In Normandie saw I this Longauill,
A man of soueraigne parts he is esteem'd:
Well fitted in Arts, glorious in Armes:
Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.
The onely soyle of his faire vertues glosse,
540If vertues glosse will staine with any soile,
Is a sharp wit match'd with too blunt a Will:
Whose edge hath power to cut whose will still wills,
It should none spare that come within his power.
Prin. Some merry mocking Lord belike, ist so?
545
Lad.1. They say so most, that most his humors know.
Prin. Such short liu'd wits do wither as they grow.
Who are the rest?
2. Lad. The yong Dumaine, a well accomplisht youth,
Of all that Vertue loue, for Vertue loued.
550Most power to doe most harme, least knowing ill:
For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,
And shape to win grace though she had no wit.
I saw him at the Duke Alansoes once,
And much too little of that good I saw,
555Is my report to his great worthinesse.
Rossa. Another of these Students at that time,
Was there with him, as I haue heard a truth.
Berowne they call him, but a merrier man,
Within the limit of becomming mirth,
560I neuer spent an houres talke withall.
His eye begets occasion for his wit,
For euery obiect that the one doth catch,
The other turnes to a mirth-mouing iest.
Which his faire tongue (conceits expositor)
565Deliuers in such apt and gracious words,
That aged eares play treuant at his tales,
And yonger hearings are quite rauished.
So sweet and voluble is his discourse.
Prin. God blesse my Ladies, are they all in loue?
570That euery one her owne hath garnished,
With such bedecking ornaments of praise.
Ma. Heere comes Boyet.
Enter Boyet.
Prin. Now, what admittance Lord?
575
Boyet. Nauar had notice of your faire approach;
And he and his competitors in oath,
Were all addrest to meete you gentle Lady
Before I came: Marrie thus much I haue learnt,
He rather meanes to lodge you in the field,
580Like one that comes heere to besiege his Court,
Then seeke a dispensation for his oath:
To let you enter his vnpeopled house.
Enter Nauar, Longauill, Dumaine, and Berowne.
Heere comes Nauar.
585
Nau. Faire Princesse, welcom to the Court of Nauar.
Prin. Faire I giue you backe againe, and welcome I
haue not yet: the roofe of this Court is too high to bee
yours, and welcome to the wide fields, too base to be
mine.
590
Nau. You shall be welcome Madam to my Court.
Prin. I wil be welcome then, Conduct me thither.
Nau. Heare me deare Lady, I haue sworne an oath.
Prin. Our Lady helpe my Lord, he'll be forsworne.
Nau. Not for the world faire Madam, by my will.
595
Prin. Why, will shall breake it will, and nothing els.
Nau. Your Ladiship is ignorant what it is.
Prin. Were my Lord so, his ignorance were wise,
Where now his knowledge must proue ignorance.
I heare your grace hath sworne out House-.keeping:
600'Tis deadly sinne to keepe that oath my Lord,
And sinne to breake it:
But pardon me, I am too sodaine bold,
To teach a Teacher ill beseemeth me.
Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my comming,
605And sodainly resolue me in my suite.
Nau. Madam, I will, if sodainly I may.
Prin. You will the sooner that I were away,
For you'll proue periur'd if you make me stay.
Berow. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
610
Rosa. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
Ber. I know you did.
Rosa. How needlesse was it then to ask the question?
Ber. You must not be so quicke.
Rosa. 'Tis long of you y spur me with such questions.
615
Ber. Your wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.
Rosa. Not till it leaue the Rider in the mire.
Ber. What time a day?
Rosa. The howre that fooles should aske.
Ber. Now faire befall your maske.
620
Rosa. Faire fall the face it couers.
Ber. And send you many louers.
Rosa. Amen, so you be none.
Ber. Nay then will I be gone.
Kin. Madame, your father heere doth intimate,
625The paiment of a hundred thousand Crownes,
Being but th'one halfe, of an intire summe,
Disbursed by my father in his warres.
But say that he, or we, as neither haue
Receiu'd that summe; yet there remaines vnpaid
630A hundred thousand more: in surety of the which,
One part of Aquitaine is bound to vs,
Although not valued to the moneys worth.
If then the King your father will restore
But that one halfe which is vnsatisfied,
635We will giue vp our right in Aquitaine,
And hold faire friendship with his Maiestie:
But that it seemes he little purposeth,
For here he doth demand to haue repaie,
An hundred thousand Crownes, and not demands
640One paiment of a hundred thousand Crownes,
To haue his title liue in Aquitaine.
Which we much rather had depart withall,
And haue the money by our father lent,
Then Aquitane, so guelded as it is.
645Deare Princesse, were not his requests so farre
From reasons yeelding, your faire selfe should make
A yeelding 'gainst some reason in my brest,
And goe well satisfied to France againe.
Prin. You doe the King my Father too much wrong,
650And wrong the reputation of your name,
In so vnseeming to confesse receyt
Of that which hath so faithfully beene paid.
Kin. I doe protest I neuer heard of it,
And if you proue it, Ile repay it backe,
655Or yeeld vp Aquitaine.
Prin. We arrest your word:
Boyet, you can produce acquittances
For such a summe, from speciall Officers,
Of Charles his Father.
660
Kin. Satisfie me so.
Boyet. So please your Grace, the packet is not come
Where that and other specialties are bound,
To morrow you shall haue a sight of them.
Kin. It shall suffice me; at which enterview,
665All liberall reason would I yeeld vnto:
Meane time, receiue such welcome at my hand,
As honour, without breach of Honour may
Make tender of, to thy true worthinesse.
You may not come faire Princesse in my gates,
670But heere without you shall be so receiu'd,
As you shall deeme your selfe lodg'd in my heart,
Though so deni'd farther harbour in my house:
Your owne good thoughts excuse me, and farewell,
To morrow we shall visit you againe.
675
Prin. Sweet health & faire desires consort your grace.
Kin. Thy own wish wish I thee, in euery place.
Exit.
Boy. Lady, I will commend you to my owne heart.
La.Ro. Pray you doe my commendations,
I would be glad to see it.
680
Boy. I would you heard it grone.
La.Ro. Is the soule sicke?
Boy. Sicke at the heart.
La.Ro. Alacke, let it bloud.
Boy. Would that doe it good?
685
La.Ro. My Phisicke saies I.
Boy. Will you prick't with your eye.
La.Ro. No poynt, with my knife.
Boy. Now God saue thy life.
La.Ro. And yours from long liuing.
690
Ber. I cannot stay thanks-giuing.
Exit.
Enter Dumane.
Dum. Sir, I pray you a word: What Lady is that same?
Boy. The heire of Alanson, Rosalin her name.
Dum. A gallant Lady, Mounsier fare you well.
695
Long. I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?
Boy. A woman somtimes, if you saw her in the light.
Long. Perchance light in the light: I desire her name.
Boy. Shee hath but one for her selfe,
To desire that were a shame.
700
Long. Pray you sir, whose daughter?
Boy. Her Mothers, I haue heard.
Long. Gods blessing a your beard.
Boy. Good sir be not offended,
Shee is an heyre of Faulconbridge.
705
Long. Nay, my choller is ended:
Shee is a most sweet Lady.
Exit. Long.
Boy. Not vnlike sir, that may be.
Enter Beroune.
Ber. What's her name in the cap.
710
Boy. Katherine by good hap.
Ber. Is she wedded, or no.
Boy. To her will sir, or so,
Ber. You are welcome sir, adiew.
Boy. Fare well to me sir, and welcome to you.
Exit.
715
La.Ma. That last is Beroune, the mery mad-cap Lord.
Not a word with him, but a iest.
Boy. And euery iest but a word.
Pri. It was well done of you to take him at his word.
Boy. I was as willing to grapple, as he was to boord.
720
La.Ma. Two hot Sheepes marie:
And wherefore not Ships?
Boy. No Sheepe (sweet Lamb) vnlesse we feed on your(lips.
La. You Sheepe & I pasture: shall that finish the iest?
Boy. So you grant pasture for me.
725
La. Not so gentle beast.
My lips are no Common, though seuerall they be.
Bo. Belonging to whom?
La. To my fortunes and me.
Prin. Good wits wil be iangling, but gentles agree.
730This ciuill warre of wits were much better vsed
On Nauar and his bookemen, for heere 'tis abus'd.
Bo. If my obseruation (which very seldome lies
By the hearts still rhetoricke, disclosed with eyes)
Deceiue me not now, Nauar is infected.
735
Prin. With what?
Bo. With that which we Louers intitle affected.
Prin. Your reason.
Bo. Why all his behauiours doe make their retire,
To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire.
740His hart like an Agot with your print impressed,
Proud with his forme, in his eie pride expressed.
His tongue all impatient to speake and not see,
Did stumble with haste in his eie-sight to be,
All sences to that sence did make their repaire,
745To feele onely looking on fairest of faire:
Me thought all his sences were lockt in his eye,
As Iewels in Christall for some Prince to Buy.
Who tendring their own worth from whence they were
(glast,
Did point out to buy them along as you past.
750His faces owne margent did coate such amazes,
That all eyes saw his eies inchanted with gazes.
Ile giue you Aquitaine, and all that is his,
And you giue him for my sake, but one louing Kisse.
Prin. Come to our Pauillion, Boyet is disposde.
755
Bro. But to speak that in words, which his eie hath dis­
(clos'd.
I onelie haue made a mouth of his eie,
By adding a tongue, which I know will not lie.
Lad.Ro. Thou art an old Loue-monger, and speakest
skilfully.
760
Lad.Ma. He is Cupids Grandfather, and learnes news
of him.
Lad.2. Then was Venus like her mother, for her fa­
ther is but grim.
Boy. Do you heare my mad wenches?
765
La.1. No.
Boy. What then, do you see?
Lad.2. I, our way to be gone.
Boy. You are too hard for me.
Exeunt omnes.
Actus Tertius.
770
Enter Broggart and Boy.
Song.
Bra. Warble childe, make passionate my sense of hea­
ring.
Boy. Concolinel.
775
Brag. Sweete Ayer, go tendernesse of yeares: take
this Key, giue enlargement to the swaine, bring him fe­
stinatly hither: I must imploy him in a letter to my
Loue.
Boy. Will you win your loue with a French braule?
780
Bra. How meanest thou, brauling in French?
Boy. No my compleat master, but to Iigge off a tune
at the tongues end, canarie to it with the feete, humour
it with turning vp your eie: sigh a note and sing a note,
sometime through the throate: if you swallowed loue
785
with singing, loue sometime through: nose as if you
snuft vp loue by smelling loue with your hat penthouse­
like ore the shop of your eies, with your armes crost on
your thinbellie doublet, like a Rabbet on a spit, or your
hands in your pocket, like a man after the old painting,
790
and keepe not too long in one tune, but a snip and away:
these are complements, these are humours, these betraie
nice wenches that would be betraied without these, and
make them men of note: do you note men that most are
affected to these?
795
Brag. How hast thou purchased this experience?
Boy. By my penne of obseruation.
Brag. But O, but O.
Boy. The Hobbie-horse is forgot.
Bra. Cal'st thou my loue Hobbi-horse.
800
Boy. No Master, the Hobbie-horse is but a Colt, and
and your Loue perhaps, a Hacknie:
but haue you forgot your Loue?
Brag. Almost I had.
Boy. Negligent student, learne her by heart.
805
Brag. By heart, and in heart Boy.
Boy. And out of heart Master: all those three I will
proue.
Brag. What wilt thou proue?
Boy. A man, if I liue (and this) by, in, and without, vp­
810
on the instant: by heart you loue her, because your heart
cannot come by her: in heart you loue her, because your
heart is in loue with her: and out of heart you loue her,
being out of heart that you cannot enioy her.
Brag. I am all these three.
815
Boy. And three times as much more, and yet nothing
at all.
Brag. Fetch hither the Swaine, he must carrie mee a
letter.
Boy. A message well simpathis'd, a Horse to be em­
820bassadour for an Asse.
Brag. Ha, ha, What saiest thou?
Boy. Marrie sir, you must send the Asse vpon the Horse
for he is verie slow gated: but I goe.
Brag. The way is but short, away.
825
Boy. As swift as Lead sir.
Brag. Thy meaning prettie ingenious, is not Lead a
mettall heauie, dull, and slow?
Boy. Minnime honest Master, or rather Master no.
Brag. I say Lead is slow.
830
Boy. You are too swift sir to say so.
Is that Lead slow which is fir'd from a Gunne?
Brag. Sweete smoke of Rhetorike,
He reputes me a Cannon, and the Bullet that's he:
I shoote thee at the Swaine.
835
Boy. Thump then, and I flee.
Bra. A most acute Iuuenall, voluble and free of grace,
By thy fauour sweet Welkin, I must sigh in thy face.
Most rude melancholie, Valour giues thee place.
My Herald is return'd.
840
Enter Page and Clowne.
Pag.A wonder Master, here's a Costard broken in a
shin.
Ar. Some enigma, some riddle, come, thy Lenuoy
begin.
845
Clo. No egma, no riddle, no lenuoy, no salue, in thee
male sir. Or sir, Plantan, a plaine Plantan: no lenuoy, no
lenuoy, no Salue sir, but a Plantan.
Ar. By vertue, thou inforcest laughter, thy sillie
thought, my spleene, the heauing of my lunges prouokes
850
me to rediculous smyling: O pardon me my stars, doth
the inconsiderate take salue for lenuoy, and the word len­
uoy for a salue?
Pag. Doe the wise thinke them other, is not lenuoy a
salue?
855
Ar. No Page, it is an epilogue or discourse to make
(plaine,
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore bin faine.
Now will I begin your morrall, and do you follow with
my lenuoy.
The Foxe, the Ape, and the Humble-Bee,
860
Were still at oddes, being but three.
Arm. Vntill the Goose came out of doore,
Staying the oddes by adding foure.
Pag. A good Lenuoy, ending in the Goose: would you
desire more?
865
Clo. The Boy hath sold him a bargaine, a Goose, that's
flat
Sir, your penny-worth is good, and your Goose be fat.
To sell a bargaine well is as cunning as fast and loose:
Let me see a fat Lenuoy, I that's a fat Goose.
Ar. Come hither, come hither:
870How did this argument begin?
Boy. By saying that a Costard was broken in a shin.
Then cal'd you for the Lenuoy.
Clow. True, and I for a Plantan:
Thus came your argument in:
875
Then the Boyes fat Lenuoy, the Goose that you bought,
And he ended the market.
Ar. But tell me: How was there a Costard broken in
a shin?
Pag. I will tell you sencibly.
880
Clow. Thou hast no feeling of it Moth,
I will speake that Lenuoy.
I Costard running out, that was safely within,
Fell ouer the threshold, and broke my shin.
Arm. We will talke no more of this matter.
885
Clow. Till there be more matter in the shin.
Arm. Sirra Costard, I will infranchise thee.
Clow. O, marrie me to one Francis, I smell some Len­
uoy, some Goose in this.
Arm. By my sweete soule, I meane, setting thee at li­
890
bertie. Enfreedoming thy person: thou wert emured,
restrained, captiuated, bound.
Clow. True, true, and now you will be my purgation,
and let me loose.
Arm. I giue thee thy libertie, set thee from durance,
895
and in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this:
Beare this significant to the countrey Maide Iaquenetta:
there is remuneration, for the best ward of mine honours
is rewarding my dependants. Moth, follow.
Pag. Like the sequell I.
900Signeur Costard adew.
Exit.
Clow. My sweete ounce of mans flesh, my in-conie
Iew: Now will I looke to his remuneration.
Remuneration, O, that's the Latine word for three-far­
things: Three-farthings remuneration, What's the price
905
of this yncle? i.d. no, Ile giue you a remuneration: Why?
It carries it remuneration: Why? It is a fairer name then
a French-Crowne. I will neuer buy and sell out of this
word.
Enter Berowne.
910
Ber. O my good knaue Costard, exceedingly well met.
Clow. Pray you sir, How much Carnation Ribbon
may a man buy for a remuneration?
Ber. What is a remuneration?
Cost. Marrie sir, halfe pennie farthing.
915
Ber. O, Why then threefarthings worth of Silke.
Cost. I thanke your worship, God be wy you.
Ber. O stay slaue, I must employ thee:
As thou wilt win my fauour, good my knaue,
Doe one thing for me that I shall intreate.
920
Clow. When would you haue it done sir?
Ber. O this after-noone.
Clo. Well, I will doe it sir: Fare you well.
Ber. O thou knowest not what it is.
Clo. I shall know sir, when I haue done it.
925
Ber. Why villaine thou must know first.
Clo. I wil come to your worship to morrow morning.
Ber. It must be done this after-noone,
Harke slaue, it is but this:
The Princesse comes to hunt here in the Parke,
930And in her traine there is a gentle Ladie:
When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
And Rosaline they call her, aske for her:
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This seal'd-vp counsaile. Ther's thy guerdon: goe.
935
Clo. Gardon, O sweete gardon, better then remune­
ration, a leuenpence-farthing better: most sweete gar­
don. I will doe it sir in print: gardon, remuneration.
Exit.
Ber. O, and I forsooth in loue,
940I that haue beene loues whip?
A verie Beadle to a humerous sigh: A Criticke,
Nay, a night-watch Constable.
A domineering pedant ore the Boy,
Then whom no mortall so magnificent,
945This wimpled, whyning, purblinde waiward Boy,
This signior Iunios gyant drawfe, don Cupid,
Regent of Loue-rimes, Lord of folded armes,
Th' annointed soueraigne of sighes and groanes:
Liedge of all loyterers and malecontents:
950Dread Prince of Placcats, King of Codpeeces.
Sole Emperator and great generall
Of trotting Parrators (O my little heart.)
And I to be a Corporall of his field,
And weare his colours like a Tumblers hoope.
955What? I loue, I sue, I seeke a wife,
A woman that is like a Germane Cloake,
Still a repairing: euer out of frame,
And neuer going a right, being a Watch:
But being watcht, that it may still goe right.
960Nay, to be periurde, which is worst of all:
And among three, to loue the worst of all,
A whitly wanton, with a veluet brow.
With two pitch bals stucke in her face for eyes.
I, and by heauen, one that will doe the deede,
965Though Argus were her Eunuch and her garde.
And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
To pray for her, go to: it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect,
Of his almighty dreadfull little might.
970Well, I will loue, write, sigh, pray, shue, grone,
Some men must loue my Lady, and some Ione.
Actus Quartus.
Enter the Princesse, a Forrester, her Ladies, and
her Lords.
975
Qu. Was that the King that spurd his horse so hard,
Against the steepe vprising of the hill?
Boy. I know not, but I thinke it was not he.
Qu. Who ere a was, a shew'd a mounting minde:
Well Lords, to day we shall haue our dispatch,
980On Saterday we will returne to France.
Then Forrester my friend, Where is the Bush
That we must stand and play the murtherer in?
For. Hereby vpon the edge of yonder Coppice,
A stand where you may make the fairest shoote.
985
Qu. I thanke my beautie, I am faire that shoote,
And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoote.
For. Pardon me Madam, for I meant not so.
Qu. What, what? First praise me, & then again say no.
O short liu'd pride. Not faire? alacke for woe.
990
For. Yes Madam faire.
Qu. Nay, neuer paint me now,
Where faire is not, praise cannot mend the brow.
Here (good my glasse) take this for telling true:
Faire paiment for foule words, is more then due.
995
For. Nothing but faire is that which you inherit.
Qu. See, see, my beautie will be sau'd by merit.
O heresie in faire, fit for these dayes,
A giuing hand, though foule, shall haue faire praise.
But come, the Bow: Now Mercie goes to kill,
1000And shooting well, is then accounted ill:
Thus will I saue my credit in the shoote,
Not wounding, pittie would not let me do't:
If wounding, then it was to shew my skill,
That more for praise, then purpose meant to kill.
1005And out of question, so it is sometimes:
Glory growes guiltie of detested crimes,
When for Fames sake, for praise an outward part,
We bend to that, the working of the hart.
As I for praise alone now seeke to spill
1010The poore Deeres blood, that my heart meanes no ill.
Boy. Do not curst wiues hold that selfe-soueraigntie
Onely for praise sake, when they striue to be
Lords ore their Lords?
Qu. Onely for praise, and praise we may afford,
1015To any Lady that subdewes a Lord.
Enter Clowne.
Boy. Here comes a member of the common-wealth.
Clo. God dig-you-den all, pray you which is the head
Lady?
1020
Qu. Thou shalt know her fellow, by the rest that haue
no heads.
Clo. Which is the greatest Lady, the highest?
Qu. The thickest, and the tallest.
Clo. The thickest, & the tallest: it is so, truth is truth.
1025And your waste Mistris, were as slender as my wit,
One a these Maides girdles for your waste should be fit.
Are not you the chiefe womñ? You are the thickest here?
Qu. What's your will sir? What's your will?
Clo. I haue a Letter from Monsier Berowne,
1030To one Lady Rosaline.
Qu. O thy letter, thy letter: He's a good friend of mine.
Stand a side good bearer.
Boyet, you can carue,
Breake vp this Capon.
1035
Boyet. I am bound to serue.
This Letter is mistooke: it importeth none here:
It is writ to Iaquenetta.
Qu. We will reade it, I sweare.
Breake the necke of the Waxe, and euery one giue eare.
1040
Boyet reades.
By heauen, that thou art faire, is most infallible: true
that thou art beauteous, truth it selfe that thou art
louely: more fairer then faire, beautifull then beautious,
truer then truth it selfe: haue comiseration on thy heroi­
1045
call Vassall. The magnanimous and most illustrate King
Cophetua set eie vpon the pernicious and indubitate Beg­
ger Zenelophon: and he it was that might rightly say, Ve­
ni, vidi, vici: Which to annothanize in the vulgar, O
base and obscure vulgar; videliset, He came, See, and o­
1050
uercame: hee came one; see, two; ouercame three:
Who came? the King. Why did he come? to see. Why
did he see? to ouercome. To whom came he? to the
Begger. What saw he? the Begger. Who ouercame
he? the Begger. The conclusion is victorie: On whose
1055
side? the King: the captiue is inricht: On whose side?
the Beggers. The catastrophe is a Nuptiall: on whose
side? the Kings: no, on both in one, or one in both. I am
the King (for so stands the comparison) thou the Beg­
ger, for so witnesseth thy lowlinesse. Shall I command
1060
thy loue? I may. Shall I enforce thy loue? I could.
Shall I entreate thy loue? I will. What, shalt thou ex­
change for ragges, roabes: for tittles titles, for thy selfe
mee. Thus expecting thy reply, I prophane my lips on
thy foote, my eyes on thy picture, and my heart on thy
1065euerie part.
Thine in the dearest designe of industrie,
D
on Adriana de Armatho.
Thus dost thou heare the Nemean Lion roare,
Gainst thee thou Lambe, that standest as his pray:
1070Submissiue fall his princely feete before,
And he from forrage will incline to play.
But if thou striue (poore soule) what art thou then?
Foode for his rage, repasture for his den.
Qu. What plume of feathers is hee that indited this
1075
Letter? What veine? What Wethercocke? Did you
euer heare better?
Boy. I am much deceiued, but I remember the stile.
Qu. Else your memorie is bad, going ore it erewhile.
Boy. This Armado is a Spaniard that keeps here in court
1080A Phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport
To the Prince and his Booke-mates.
Qu. Thou fellow, a word.
Who gaue thee this Letter?
Clow. I told you, my Lord.
1085
Qu. To whom should'st thou giue it?
Clo. From my Lord to my Lady.
Qu. From which Lord, to which Lady?
Clo. From my Lord Berowne, a good master of mine,
To a Lady of France, that he call'd Rosaline.
1090
Qu. Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come Lords away.
Here sweete, put vp this, 'twill be thine another day.
Exeunt.
Boy. Who is the shooter? Who is the shooter?
Rosa. Shall I teach you to know.
1095
Boy. I my continent of beautie.
Rosa. Why she that beares the Bow. Finely put off.
Boy. My Lady goes to kill hornes, but if thou marrie,
Hang me by the necke, if hornes that yeare miscarrie.
Finely put on.
1100
Rosa. Well then, I am the shooter.
Boy. And who is your Deare?
Rosa. If we choose by the hornes, your selfe come not
neare. Finely put on indeede.
Maria. You still wrangle with her Boyet, and shee
1105strikes at the brow.
Boyet. But she her selfe is hit lower:
Haue I hit her now.
Rosa. Shall I come vpon thee with an old saying, that
was a man when King Pippin of France was a little boy, as
1110touching the hit it.
Boyet. So I may answere thee with one as old that
was a woman when Queene Guinouer of Brittaine was a
little wench, as touching the hit it.
Rosa. Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,
1115Thou canst not hit it my good man.
Boy. I cannot, cannot, cannot:
And I cannot, another can.
Exit.
Clo. By my troth most pleasant, how both did fit it.
Mar. A marke marueilous well shot, for they both
1120did hit.
Boy. A mark, O marke but that marke: a marke saies
my Lady.
Let the mark haue a pricke in't, to meat at, if it may be.
Mar. Wide a'th bow hand, yfaith your hand is out.
1125
Clo. Indeede a' must shoote nearer, or heele ne're hit
the clout.
Boy. And if my hand be out, then belike your hand
is in.
Clo. Then will shee get the vpshoot by cleauing the
1130is in.
Ma. Come, come, you talke greasely, your lips grow
foule,
Clo. She's too hard for you at pricks, sir challenge her
to boule.
1135
Boy. I feare too much rubbing: good night my good
Oule.
Clo. By my soule a Swaine, a most simple Clowne.
Lord, Lord, how the Ladies and I haue put him downe.
O my troth most sweete iests, most inconie vulgar wit,
1140
When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it were,
so fit.
Armathor ath to the side, O a most dainty man.
To see him walke before a Lady, and to beare her Fan.
To see him kisse his hand, and how most sweetly a will
1145sweare:
And his Page atother side, that handfull of wit,
Ah heauens, it is most patheticall nit.
Sowla, sowla.
Exeunt.
Shoote within.
1150
Enter Dull, Holofernes, the Pedant and Nathaniel.
Nat. Very reuerent sport truely, and done in the testi­
mony of a good conscience.
Ped. The Deare was (as you know) sanguis in blood,
ripe as a Pomwater, who now hangeth like a Iewell in
1155
the eare of Celo the skie; the welken the heauen, and a­
non falleth like a Crab on the face of Terra, the soyle, the
land, the earth.
Curat.Nath. Truely M. Holofernes, the epythithes are
sweetly varied like a scholler at the least: but sir I assure
1160ye, it was a Bucke of the first head.
Hol. Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
Dul. 'Twas not a haud credo, 'twas a Pricket.
Hol. Most barbarous intimation: yet a kinde of insi­
nuation, as it were in via, in way of explication facere: as
1165
it were replication, or rather ostentare, to show as it were
his inclination after his vndressed, vnpolished, vneduca­
ted, vnpruned, vntrained, or rather vnlettered, or rathe­
rest vnconfirmed fashion, to insert againe my haud credo
for a Deare.
1170
Dul. I said the Deare was not a haud credo, 'twas a
Pricket.
Hol. Twice sod simplicitie, bis coctus, O thou mon­
ster Ignorance, how deformed doost thou looke.
Nath. Sir hee hath neuer fed of the dainties that are
1175bred in a booke.
He hath not eate paper as it were:
He hath not drunke inke.
His intellect is not replenished, hee is onely an animall,
onely sensible in the duller parts: and such barren plants
1180
are set before vs, that we thankfull should be: which we
taste and feeling, are for those parts that doe fructifie in
vs more then he.
For as it would ill become me to be vaine, indiscreet, or
a foole;
1185
So were there a patch set on Learning, to see him in a
Schoole.
But omne bene say I, being of an old Fathers minde,
Many can brooke the weather, that loue not the winde.
Dul. You two are book-men: Can you tell by your
1190
wit, What was a month old at Cains birth, that's not fiue
weekes old as yet?
Hol. Dictisima goodman Dull, dictisima goodman
Dull.
Dul. What is dictima?
1195
Nath. A title to Phebe, to Luna, to the Moone.
Hol. The Moone was a month old when Adam was
no more.
And wrought not to fiue-weekes when he came to fiue­
(score.
Th' allusion holds in the Exchange.
1200
Dul. 'Tis true indeede, the Collusion holds in the
Exchange.
Hol. God comfort thy capacity, I say th' allusion holds
in the Exchange.
Dul. And I say the polusion holds in the Exchange:
1205
for the Moone is neuer but a month old: and I say be­
side that, 'twas a Pricket that the Princesse kill'd.
Hol. Sir Nathaniel, will you heare an extemporall
Epytaph on the death of the Deare, and to humour
the ignorant call'd the Deare, the Princesse kill'd a
1210Pricket.
Nath. Perge, good M[aster]. Holofernes, perge, so it shall
please you to abrogate scurilitie.
Hol. I will something affect a letter, for it argues
facilitie.
1215The prayfull Princesse pearst and prickt
a prettie pleasing Pricket,
Some say a Sore, but not a sore,
till now made sore with shooting.
The Dogges did yell, put ell to Sore,
1220then Sorrell iumps from thicket:
Or Pricket-sore, or else Sorell,
the people fall a hooting.
If Sore be sore, than ell to Sore,
makes fiftie sores O sorell:
1225Of one sore I an hundred make
by adding but one more L.
Nath. A rare talent.
Dul. If a talent be a claw, looke how he clawes him
with a talent.
1230
Nath. This is a gift that I haue simple: simple, a foo­
lish extrauagant spirit, full of formes, figures, shapes, ob­
iects, Ideas, apprehensions, motions, reuolutions. These
are begot in the ventricle of memorie, nourisht in the
wombe of primater, and deliuered vpon the mellowing
1235
of occasion: but the gift is good in those in whom it is
acute, and I am thankfull for it.
Hol. Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my
parishioners, for their Sonnes are well tutor'd by you,
and their Daughters profit very greatly vnder you: you
1240are a good member of the common-wealth.
Nath. Me hercle, If their Sonnes be ingennous, they
shall want no instruction: If their Daughters be capable,
I will put it to them. But Vir sapis qui pauca loquitur, a
soule Feminine saluteth vs.
1245
Enter Iaquenetta and the Clowne.
Iaqu. God giue you good morrow M. Person.
Nath. Master Person, quasi Person? And if one should
be perst, Which is the one?
Clo. Marry M. Schoolemaster, hee that is likest to a
1250hogshead.
Nath. Of persing a Hogshead, a good luster of con­
ceit in a turph of Earth, Fire enough for a Flint, Pearle
enough for a Swine: 'tis prettie, it is well.
Iaqu. Good Master Parson be so good as reade mee
1255
this Letter, it was giuen mee by Costard, and sent mee
from Don Armatho: I beseech you read it.
Nath. Facile precor gellida, quando pecas omnia sub vm­
bra ruminat,
and so forth. Ah good old Mantuan, I
may speake of thee as the traueiler doth of Venice, vem­
1260
chie, vencha, que non te vnde, que non te perreche. Old Man­
tuan, old Mantuan. Who vnderstandeth thee not, vt re
sol la mi fa: Vnder pardon sir, What are the contents? or
rather as Horrace sayes in his, What my soule verses.
Hol. I sir, and very learned.
1265
Nath. Let me heare a staffe, a stanze, a verse, Lege do­
mine.
If Loue make me forsworne, how shall I sweare to loue?
Ah neuer faith could hold, if not to beautie vowed.
Though to my selfe forsworn, to thee Ile faithfull proue.
1270
Those thoughts to mee were Okes, to thee like Osiers
bowed.
Studie his byas leaues, and makes his booke thine eyes.
Where all those pleasures liue, that Art would compre­
hend.
1275If knowledge be the marke, to know thee shall suffice.
Well learned is that tongue, that well can thee cõmend.
All ignorant that soule, that sees thee without wonder.
Which is to me some praise, that I thy parts admire;
Thy eye Ioues lightning beares, thy voyce his dreadfull
1280thunder.
Which not to anger bent, is musique, and sweete fire.
Celestiall as thou art, Oh pardon loue this wrong,
That sings heauens praise, with such an earthly tongue.
Ped. You finde not the apostraphas, and so misse the
1285accent. Let me superuise the cangenet.
Nath. Here are onely numbers ratified, but for the
elegancy, facility, & golden cadence of poesie caret: O­
uiddius Naso was the man. And why in deed Naso, but
for smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy? the
1290
ierkes of inuention imitarie is nothing: So doth the
Hound his master, the Ape his keeper, the tyred Horse
his rider: But Damosella virgin, Was this directed to
you?
Iaq. I sir from one mounsier Berowne, one of the
1295strange Queenes Lords.
Nath. I will ouerglance the superscript.
To the snow-white hand of the most beautious Lady Rosaline.
I will looke againe on the intellect of the Letter, for
the nomination of the partie written to the person writ­
1300ten vnto.
Your Ladiships in all desired imployment, Berowne.
Per. Sir Holofernes, this Berowne is one of the Votaries
with the King, and here he hath framed a Letter to a se­
quent of the stranger Queenes: which accidentally, or
1305
by the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and
goe my sweete, deliuer this Paper into the hand of the
King, it may concerne much: stay not thy complement, I
forgiue thy duetie, adue.
Maid. Good Costard go with me:
1310Sir God saue your life.
Cost. Haue with thee my girle.
Exit.
Hol. Sir you haue done this in the feare of God very
religiously: and as a certaine Father saith
Ped. Sir tell not me of the Father, I do feare coloura­
1315
ble colours. But to returne to the Verses, Did they please
you sir Nathaniel?
Nath. Marueilous well for the pen.
Peda. I do dine to day at the fathers of a certaine Pu­
pill of mine, where if (being repast) it shall please you to
1320
gratifie the table with a Grace, I will on my priuiledge I
haue with the parents of the foresaid Childe or Pupill,
vndertake your bien vonuto, where I will proue those
Verses to be very vnlearned, neither sauouring of
Poetrie, Wit, nor Inuention. I beseech your So­
1325cietie.
Nat. And thanke you to: for societie (saith the text)
is the happinesse of life.
Peda. And certes the text most infallibly concludes it.
Sir I do inuite you too, you shall not say me nay: pauca
1330verba.
Away, the gentles are at their game, and we will to our
recreation.
Exeunt.
Enter Berowne with a Paper in his hand, alone.
Bero. The King he is hunting the Deare,
1335I am coursing my selfe.
They haue pitcht a Toyle, I am toyling in a pytch,
pitch that defiles; defile, a foule word: Well, set thee
downe sorrow; for so they say the foole said, and so say
I, and I the foole: Well proued wit. By the Lord this
1340
Loue is as mad as Aiax, it kils sheepe, it kils mee, I a
sheepe: Well proued againe a my side. I will not loue;
if I do hang me: yfaith I will not. O but her eye: by
this light, but for her eye, I would not loue her; yes, for
her two eyes. Well, I doe nothing in the world but lye,
1345
and lye in my throate. By heauen I doe loue, and it hath
taught mee to Rime, and to be mallicholie: and here is
part of my Rime, and heere my mallicholie. Well, she
hath one a'my Sonnets already, the Clowne bore it, the
Foole sent it, and the Lady hath it: sweet Clowne, swee­
1350
ter Foole, sweetest Lady. By the world, I would not care
a pin, if the other three were in. Here comes one with a
paper, God giue him grace to grone.
He stands aside. The King entreth.
Kin. Ay mee!
1355
Ber. Shot by heauen: proceede sweet Cupid, thou hast
thumpt him with thy Birdbolt vnder the left pap: in faith
secrets.
King. So sweete a kisse the golden Sunne giues not,
To those fresh morning drops vpon the Rose,
1360As thy eye beames, when their fresh rayse haue smot.
The night of dew that on my cheekes downe flowes.
Nor shines the siluer Moone one halfe so bright,
Through the transparent bosome of the deepe,
As doth thy face through teares of mine giue light:
1365Thou shin'st in euery teare that I doe weepe,
No drop, but as a Coach doth carry thee:
So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.
Do but behold the teares that swell in me,
And they thy glory through my griefe will show:
1370But doe not loue thy selfe, then thou wilt keepe
My teares for glasses, and still make me weepe.
O Queene of Queenes, how farre dost thou excell,
No thought can thinke, nor tongue of mortall tell.
How shall she know my griefes? Ile drop the paper.
1375Sweete leaues shade folly. Who is he comes heere?
Enter Longauile.
The King steps aside.
What Longauill, and reading: listen eare.
Ber. Now in thy likenesse, one more foole appeare.
Long. Ay me, I am forsworne.
1380
Ber. Why he comes in like a periure, wearing papers.
Long. In loue I hope, sweet fellowship in shame.
Ber. One drunkard loues another of the name.
Lon. Am I the first y haue been periur'd so?
Ber. I could put thee in comfort, not by two that I (know,
1385
Thou makest the triumphery, the corner cap of societie,
The shape of Loues Tiburne, that hangs vp simplicitie.
Lon. I feare these stubborn lines lack power to moue.
O sweet Maria, Empresse of my Loue,
These numbers will I teare, and write in prose.
1390
Ber. O Rimes are gards on wanton Cupids hose,
Disfigure not his Shop.
Lon. This same shall goe. He reades the Sonnet.
Did not the heauenly Rhetoricke of thine eye,
'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument,
1395Perswade my heart to this false periurie?
Vowes for thee broke deserue not punishment.
A Woman I forswore, but I will proue,
Thou being a Goddesse, I forswore not thee.
My Vow was earthly, thou a heauenly Loue.
1400Thy grace being gain'd, cures all disgrace in me.
Vowes are but breath, and breath a vapour is.
Then thou faire Sun, which on my earth doest shine,
Exhalest this vapor-vow, in thee it is:
If broken then, it is no fault of mine:
1405If by me broke, What foole is not so wise,
To loose an oath, to win a Paradise?
Ber. This is the liuer veine, which makes flesh a deity.
A greene Goose, a Goddesse, pure pure Idolatry.
God amend vs, God amend, we are much out o'th' way.
1410
Enter Dumaine.
Lon. By whom shall I send this (company?) Stay.
Bero. All hid, all hid, an old infant play,
Like a demie God, here sit I in the skie,
And wretched fooles secrets heedfully ore-eye.
1415More Sacks to the myll. O heauens I haue my wish,
Dumaine transform'd, foure Woodcocks in a dish.
Dum. O most diuine Kate.
Bero. O most prophane coxcombe.
Dum. By heauen the wonder of a mortall eye.
1420
Bero. By earth she is not, corporall, there you lye.
Dum. Her Amber haires for foule hath amber coted.
Ber. An Amber coloured Rauen was well noted.
Dum. As vpright as the Cedar.
Ber. Stoope I say, her shoulder is with-child.
1425
Dum. As faire as day.
Ber. I as some daies, but then no sunne must shine.
Dum. O that I had my wish?
Lon. And I had mine.
Kin. And mine too good Lord.
1430
Ber. Amen, so I had mine: Is not that a good word?
Dum. I would forget her, but a Feuer she
Raignes in my bloud, and will remembred be.
Ber. A Feuer in your bloud, why then incision
Would let her out in Sawcers, sweet misprision.
1435
Dum. Once more Ile read the Ode that I haue writ.
Ber. Once more Ile marke how Loue can varry Wit.
Dumane reades his Sonnet.
On a day, alack the day:
Loue, whose Month is euery May,
1440Spied a blossome passing faire,
Playing in the wanton ayre:
Through the Veluet, leaues the winde,
All vnseene, can passage finde.
That the Louer sicke to death,
1445Wish himselfe the heauens breath.
Ayre (quoth he) thy cheekes may blowe,
Ayre, would I might triumph so.
But alacke my hand is sworne,
Nere to plucke thee from thy throne:
1450Vow alacke for youth vnmeete,
Youth so apt to plucke a sweet.
Doe not call it sinne in me,
That I am forsworne for thee.
Thou for whom Ioue would sweare,
1455Iuno but an Aethiop were,
And denie himselfe for Ioue.
Turning mortall for thy Loue.
This will I send, and something else more plaine.
That shall expresse my true-loues fasting paine.
1460O would the King, Berowne and Longauill,
Were Louers too, ill to example ill,
Would from my forehead wipe a periur'd note:
For none offend, where all alike doe dote.
Lon. Dumaine, thy Loue is farre from charitie,
1465That in Loues griefe desir'st societie:
You may looke pale, but I should blush I know,
To be ore-heard, and taken napping so.
Kin. Come sir, you blush: as his, your case is such,
You chide at him, offending twice as much.
1470You doe not loue Maria? Longauile,
Did neuer Sonnet for her sake compile;
Nor neuer lay his wreathed armes athwart
His louing bosome, to keepe downe his heart.
I haue beene closely shrowded in this bush,
1475And markt you both, and for you both did blush.
I heard your guilty Rimes, obseru'd your fashion:
Saw sighes reeke from you, noted well your passion.
Aye me, sayes one! O Ioue, the other cries!
On her haires were Gold, Christall the others eyes.
1480You would for Paradise breake Faith and troth,
And Ioue for your Loue would infringe an oath.
What will Berowne say when that he shall heare
Faith infringed, which such zeale did sweare.
How will he scorne? how will he spend his wit?
1485How will he triumph, leape, and laugh at it?
For all the wealth that euer I did see,
I would not haue him know so much by me.
Bero. Now step I forth to whip hypocrisie.
Ah good my Liedge, I pray thee pardon me.
1490Good heart, What grace hast thou thus to reproue
These wormes for louing, that art most in loue?
Your eyes doe make no couches in your teares.
There is no certaine Princesse that appeares.
You'll not be periur'd, 'tis a hatefull thing:
1495Tush, none but Minstrels like of Sonnetting.
But are you not asham'd? nay, are you not
All three of you, to be thus much ore'shot?
You found his Moth, the King your Moth did see:
But I a Beame doe finde in each of three.
1500O what a Scene of fool'ry haue I seene.
Of sighes, of grones, of sorrow, and of teene:
O me, with what strict patience haue I sat,
To see a King transformed to a Gnat?
To see great Hercules whipping a Gigge,
1505And profound Salomon tuning a Iygge?
And Nestor play at push-pin with the boyes,
And Critticke Tymon laugh at idle toyes.
Where lies thy griefe? O tell me good Dumaine;
And gentle Longauill, where lies thy paine?
1510And where my Liedges? all about the brest:
A Candle hoa!
Kin. Too bitter is thy iest.
Are wee betrayed thus to thy ouer-view?
Ber. Not you by me, but I betrayed to you.
1515I that am honest, I that hold it sinne
To breake the vow I am ingaged in.
I am betrayed by keeping company
With men, like men of inconstancie.
When shall you see me write a thing in rime?
1520Or grone for Ioane? or spend a minutes time,
In pruning mee, when shall you heare that I will praise a
hand, a foot, a face, an eye: a gate, a state, a brow, a brest,
a waste, a legge, a limme.
Kin. Soft, Whither a-way so fast?
1525A true man, or a theefe, that gallops so.
Ber. I post from Loue, good Louer let me go.
Enter Iaquenetta and Clowne.
Iaqu. God blesse the King.
Kin. What Present hast thou there?
1530
Clo. Some certaine treason.
Kin. What makes treason heere?
Clo. Nay it makes nothing sir.
Kin. If it marre nothing neither,
The treason and you goe in peace away together.
1535
Iaqu. I beseech your Grace let this Letter be read,
Our person mis-doubts it: it was treason he said.
Kin. Berowne, read it ouer.
He reades the Letter.
Kin. Where hadst thou it?
Iaqu. Of Costard.
1540
King. Where hadst thou it?
Cost. Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.
Kin. How now, what is in you? why dost thou tear it?
Ber. A toy my Liedge, a toy: your grace needes not
feare it.
1545
Long. It did moue him to passion, and therefore let's
heare it.
Dum. It is Berowns writing, and heere is his name.
Ber. Ah you whoreson loggerhead, you were borne
to doe me shame.
1550Guilty my Lord, guilty: I confesse, I confesse.
Kin. What?
Ber. That you three fooles, lackt mee foole, to make
vp the messe.
He, he, and you: and you my Liedge, and I,
1555Are picke-purses in Loue, and we deserue to die.
O dismisse this audience, and I shall tell you more.
Dum. Now the number is euen.
Berow. True true, we are fowre: will these Turtles
be gone?
1560
Kin. Hence sirs, away.
Clo. Walk aside the true folke, & let the traytors stay.
Ber. Sweet Lords, sweet Louers, O let vs imbrace,
As true we are as flesh and bloud can be,
The Sea will ebbe and flow, heauen will shew his face:
1565Young bloud doth not obey an old decree.
We cannot crosse the cause why we are borne:
Therefore of all hands must we be forsworne.
King. What, did these rent lines shew some loue of
thine?
1570
Ber. Did they, quoth you? Who sees the heauenly
( Rosaline,
That (like a rude and sauage man of Inde.)
At the first opening of the gorgeous East,
Bowes not his vassall head, and strooken blinde,
Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?
1575What peremptory Eagle-sighted eye
Dares looke vpon the heauen of her brow,
That is not blinded by her maiestie?
Kin. What zeale, what furie, hath inspir'd thee now?
My Loue (her Mistres) is a gracious Moone,
1580Shee (an attending Starre) scarce seene a light.
Ber. My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Berowne.
O, but for my Loue, day would turne to night,
Of all complexions the cul'd soueraignty,
Doe meet as at a faire in her faire cheeke,
1585Where seuerall Worthies make one dignity,
Where nothing wants, that want it selfe doth seeke.
Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues,
Fie painted Rethoricke, O she needs it not,
To things of sale, a sellers praise belongs:
1590She passes prayse, then prayse too short doth blot.
A withered Hermite, fiuescore winters worne,
Might shake off fiftie, looking in her eye:
Beauty doth varnish Age, as if new borne,
And giues the Crutch the Cradles infancie.
1595O 'tis the Sunne that maketh all things shine.
King. By heauen, thy Loue is blacke as Ebonie.
Berow. Is Ebonie like her? O word diuine?
A wife of such wood were felicite.
O who can giue an oth? Where is a booke?
1600That I may sweare Beauty doth beauty lacke,
If that she learne not of her eye to looke:
No face is faire that is not full so blacke.
Kin. O paradoxe, Blacke is the badge of hell,
The hue of dungeons, and the Schoole of night:
1605And beauties crest becomes the heauens well.
Ber. Diuels soonest tempt resembling spirits of light.
O if in blacke my Ladies browes be deckt,
It mournes, that painting vsurping haire
Should rauish doters with a false aspect:
1610And therfore is she borne to make blacke, faire.
Her fauour turnes the fashion of the dayes,
For natiue bloud is counted painting now:
And therefore red that would auoyd dispraise,
Paints it selfe blacke, to imitate her brow.
1615
Dum. To look like her are Chimny-sweepers blacke.
Lon. And since her time, are Colliers counted bright.
King. And Aethiops of their sweet complexion crake.
Dum. Dark needs no Candles now, for dark is light.
Ber. Your mistresses dare neuer come in raine,
1620For feare their colours should be washt away.
Kin. 'Twere good yours did: for sir to tell you plaine,
Ile finde a fairer face not washt to day.
Ber. Ile proue her faire, or talke till dooms-day here.
Kin. No Diuell will fright thee then so much as shee.
1625
Duma. I neuer knew man hold vile stuffe so deere.
Lon. Looke, heer's thy loue, my foot and her face see.
Ber. O if the streets were paued with thine eyes,
Her feet were much too dainty for such tread.
Duma. O vile, then as she goes what vpward lyes?
1630The street should see as she walk'd ouer head.
Kin. But what of this, are we not all in loue?
Ber. O nothing so sure, and thereby all forsworne.
Kin. Then leaue this chat, & good Berown now proue
Our louing lawfull, and our fayth not torne.
1635
Dum. I marie there, some flattery for this euill.
Long. O some authority how to proceed,
Some tricks, some quillets, how to cheat the diuell.
Dum. Some salue for periurie.
Ber. O 'tis more then neede.
1640Haue at you then affections men at armes,
Consider what you first did sweare vnto:
To fast, to study, and to see no woman:
Flat treason against the Kingly state of youth.
Say, Can you fast? your stomacks are too young:
1645And abstinence ingenders maladies.
And where that you haue vow'd to studie (Lords)
In that each of you haue forsworne his Booke.
Can you still dreame and pore, and thereon looke.
For when would you my Lord, or you, or you,
1650Haue found the ground of studies excellence,
Without the beauty of a womans face;
From womens eyes this doctrine I deriue,
They are the Ground, the Bookes, the Achadems,
From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire.
1655Why, vniuersall plodding poysons vp
The nimble spirits in the arteries,
As motion and long during action tyres
The sinnowy vigour of the trauailer.
Now for not looking on a womans face,
1660You haue in that forsworne the vse of eyes:
And studie too, the causer of your vow.
For where is any Author in the world,
Teaches such beauty as a womans eye:
Learning is but an adiunct to our selfe,
1665And where we are, our Learning likewise is.
Then when our selues we see in Ladies eyes,
With our selues.
Doe we not likewise see our learning there?
O we haue made a Vow to studie, Lords,
1670And in that vow we haue forsworne our Bookes:
For when would you (my Leege) or you, or you?
In leaden contemplation haue found out
Such fiery Numbers as the prompting eyes,
Of beauties tutors haue inrich'd you with:
1675Other slow Arts intirely keepe the braine:
And therefore finding barraine practizers,
Scarce shew a haruest of their heauy toyle.
But Loue first learned in a Ladies eyes,
Liues not alone emured in the braine:
1680But with the motion of all elements,
Courses as swift as thought in euery power,
And giues to euery power a double power,
Aboue their functions and their offices.
It addes a precious seeing to the eye:
1685A Louers eyes will gaze an Eagle blinde.
A Louers eare will heare the lowest sound.
When the suspicious head of theft is stopt.
Loues feeling is more soft and sensible,
Then are the tender hornes of Cockled Snayles.
1690Loues tongue proues dainty, Bachus grosse in taste,
For Valour, is not Loue a Hercules?
Still climing trees in the Hesporides.
Subtill as Sphinx, as sweet and musicall,
As bright Apollo's Lute, strung with his haire.
1695And when Loue speakes, the voyce of all the Gods,
Make heauen drowsie with the harmonie.
Neuer durst Poet touch a pen to write,
Vntill his Inke were tempred with Loues sighes:
O then his lines would rauish sauage eares,
1700And plant in Tyrants milde humilitie.
From womens eyes this doctrine I deriue.
They sparcle still the right promethean fire,
They are the Bookes, the Arts, the Achademes,
That shew, containe, and nourish all the world.
1705Else none at all in ought proues excellent.
Then fooles you were these women to forsweare:
Or keeping what is sworne, you will proue fooles,
For Wisedomes sake, a word that all men loue:
Or for Loues sake, a word that loues all men.
1710Or for Mens sake, the author of these Women:
Or Womens sake, by whom we men are Men.
Let's once loose our oathes to finde our selues,
Or else we loose our selues, to keepe our oathes:
It is religion to be thus forsworne.
1715For Charity it selfe fulfills the Law:
And who can seuer loue from Charity.
Kin. Saint Cupid then, and Souldiers to the field.
Ber. Aduance your standards, & vpon them Lords.
Pell, mell, downe with them: but be first aduis'd,
1720In conflict that you get the Sunne of them.
Long. Now to plaine dealing, Lay these glozes by,
Shall we resolue to woe these girles of France?
Kin. And winne them too, therefore let vs deuise,
Some entertainment for them in their Tents.
1725
Ber. First from the Park let vs conduct them thither,
Then homeward euery man attach the hand
Of his faire Mistresse, in the afternoone
We will with some strange pastime solace them:
Such as the shortnesse of the time can shape,
1730For Reuels, Dances, Maskes, and merry houres,
Fore-runne faire Loue, strewing her way with flowres.
Kin. Away, away, no time shall be omitted,
That will be time, and may by vs be fitted.
Ber. Alone, alone sowed Cockell, reap'd no Corne,
1735And Iustice alwaies whirles in equall measure:
Light Wenches may proue plagues to men forsworne,
If so, our Copper buyes no better treasure.
Exeunt.
Actus Quartus.
Enter the Pedant, Curate and Dull.
1740
Pedant. Satis quid sufficit.
Curat. I praise God for you sir, your reasons at dinner
haue beene sharpe & sententious: pleasant without scur­
rillity, witty without affection, audacious without im­
pudency, learned without opinion, and strange without
1745
heresie: I did conuerse this quondam day with a compa­
nion of the Kings, who is intituled, nominated, or called,
Don Adriano de Armatho.
Ped. Noui hominum tanquam te, His humour is lofty,
his discourse peremptorie: his tongue filed, his eye
1750
ambitious, his gate maiesticall, and his generall behaui­
our vaine, ridiculous, and thrasonicall. He is too picked,
too spruce, too affected, too odde, as it were, too pere­
grinat, as I may call it.
Curat. A most singular and choise Epithat,
1755
Draw out his Table-booke.
Peda. He draweth out the thred of his verbositie, fi­
ner then the staple of his argument. I abhor such pha­
naticall phantasims, such insociable and poynt deuise
companions, such rackers of ortagriphie, as to speake
1760
dout fine, when he should say doubt; det, when he shold
pronounce debt; debt, not det: he clepeth a Calf, Caufe:
halfe, haufe: neighbour vocatur nebour; neigh abreuiated
ne: this is abhominable, which he would call abhomi­
nable it insinuateth me of infamie: ne inteligis domine, to
1765make franticke, lunaticke?
Cura. Laus deo, bene intelligo.
Peda. Bome boon for boon prescian, a little scratcht, 'twil
serue.
Enter Bragart, Boy.
1770
Curat. Vides ne quis venit?
Peda. Video, & gaudio.
Brag. Chirra.
Peda. Quari Chirra, not Sirra?
Brag. Men of peace well incountred.
1775
Ped. Most millitarie sir salutation.
Boy. They haue beene at a great feast of Languages,
and stolne the scraps.
Clow. O they haue liu'd long on the almes-basket of
words. I maruell thy M. hath not eaten thee for a word,
1780
for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitu­
dinitatibus: Thou art easier swallowed then a flapdra­
gon.
Page. Peace, the peale begins.
Brag. Mounsier, are you not lettred?
1785
Page. Yes, yes, he teaches boyes the Horne-booke:
What is Ab speld backward with the horn on his head?
Peda. Ba, puericia with a horne added.
Pag. Ba most seely Sheepe, with a horne: you heare
his learning.
1790
Peda. Quis quis, thou Consonant?
Pag. The last of the fiue Vowels if You repeat them,
or the fift if I.
Peda. I will repeat them: a e I.
Pag. The Sheepe, the other two concludes it o u.
1795
Brag. Now by the salt waue of the mediteranium, a
sweet tutch, a quicke vene we of wit, snip snap, quick &
home, it reioyceth my intellect, true wit.
Page. Offered by a childe to an olde man: which is
wit-old.
1800
Peda. What is the figure? What is the figure?
Page. Hornes.
Peda. Thou disputes like an Infant: goe whip thy
Gigge.
Pag. Lend me your Horne to make one, and I will
1805
whip about your Infamie vnum cita a gigge of a Cuck­
olds horne.
Clow. And I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst haue it to buy Ginger bread: Hold, there is the
very Remuneration I had of thy Maister, thou halfpenny
1810
purse of wit, thou Pidgeon-egge of discretion. O & the
heauens were so pleased, that thou wert but my Bastard;
What a ioyfull father wouldst thou make mee? Goe to,
thou hast it ad dungil, at the fingers ends, as they say.
Peda. Oh I smell false Latine, dunghel for vnguem.
1815
Brag. Arts-man preambulat, we will bee singled from
the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the Charg­
house on the top of the Mountaine?
Peda. Or Mons the hill.
Brag. At your sweet pleasure, for the Mountaine.
1820
Peda. I doe sans question.
Bra. Sir, it is the Kings most sweet pleasure and af­
fection, to congratulate the Princesse at her Pauilion, in
the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call
the after-noone.
1825
Ped. The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is lia­
ble, congruent, and measurable for the after-noone: the
word is well culd, chose, sweet, and apt I doe assure you
sir, I doe assure.
Brag. Sir, the King is a noble Gentleman, and my fa­
1830
miliar, I doe assure ye very good friend: for what is in­
ward betweene vs, let it passe. I doe beseech thee re­
member thy curtesie. I beseech thee apparell thy head:
and among other importunate & most serious designes,
and of great import indeed too: but let that passe, for I
1835
must tell thee it will please his Grace (by the world)
sometime to leane vpon my poore shoulder, and with
his royall finger thus dallie with my excrement, with my
mustachio: but sweet heart let that passe. By the world
I recount no fable, some certaine speciall honours it
1840
pleaseth his greatnesse to impart to Armado a Souldier,
a man of trauell, that hath seene the world: but let that
passe; the very all of all is: but sweet heart I do implore
secrecie, that the King would haue mee present the
Princesse (sweet chucke) with some delightfull ostenta­
1845
tion, or show, or pageant, or anticke, or fire-worke:
Now, vnderstanding that the Curate and your sweet self
are good at such eruptions, and sodaine breaking out of
myrth (as it were) I haue acquainted you withall, to
the end to craue your assistance.
1850
Peda. Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Wor­
thies. Sir Holofernes, as concerning some entertainment
of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to bee
rendred by our assistants the Kings command: and this
most gallant, illustrate and learned Gentleman, before
1855
the Princesse: I say none so fit as to present the Nine
Worthies.
Curat. Where will you finde men worthy enough to
present them?
Peda. Iosua, your selfe: my selfe, and this gallant gen­
1860
tleman Iudas Machabeus; this Swaine (because of his
great limme or ioynt) shall passe Pompey the great, the
Page Hercules.
Brag. Pardon sir, error: He is not quantitie enough
for that Worthies thumb, hee is not so big as the end of
1865his Club.
Peda. Shall I haue audience: he shall present Hercu­
les in minoritie: his enter and exit shall bee strangling a
Snake; and I will haue an Apologie for that purpose.
Pag. An excellent deuice: so if any of the audience
1870
hisse, you may cry, Well done Hercules, now thou cru­
shest the Snake; that is the way to make an offence gra­
cious, though few haue the grace to doe it.
Brag. For the rest of the Worthies?
Peda. I will play three my selfe.
1875
Pag. Thrice worthy Gentleman.
Brag. Shall I tell you a thing?
Peda. We attend.
Brag. We will haue, if this fadge not, an Antique. I
beseech you follow.
1880
Ped. Via good-man Dull, thou hast spoken no word
all this while.
Dull. Nor vnderstood none neither sir.
Ped. Alone, we will employ thee.
Dull. Ile make one in a dance, or so: or I will play
1885
on the taber to the Worthies, & let them dance the hey.
Ped. Most Dull, honest Dull, to our sport away.
Exit.
Enter Ladies.
Qu. Sweet hearts we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
1890
A Lady wal'd about with Diamonds: Look you, what I
haue from the louing King.
Rosa. Madam, came nothing else along with that?
Qu. Nothing but this: yes as much loue in Rime,
As would be cram'd vp in a sheet of paper
1895Writ on both sides the leafe, margent and all,
That he was faine to seale on Cupids name.
Rosa. That was the way to make his god-head wax:
For he hath beene fiue thousand yeeres a Boy.
Kath. I, and a shrewd vnhappy gallowes too.
1900
Ros. You'll nere be friends with him, a kild your sister.
Kath. He made her melancholy, sad, and heauy, and
so she died: had she beene Light like you, of such a mer­
rie nimble stirring spirit, she might a bin a Grandam ere
she died. And so may you: For a light heart liues long.
1905
Ros. What's your darke meaning mouse, of this light
word?
Kat. A light condition in a beauty darke.
Ros. We need more light to finde your meaning out.
Kat. You'll marre the light by taking it in snuffe:
1910Therefore Ile darkely end the argument.
Ros. Look what you doe, you doe it stil i'th darke.
Kat. So do not you, for you are a light Wench.
Ros. Indeed I waigh not you, and therefore light.
Ka. You waigh me not, O that's you care not for me.
1915
Ros. Great reason: for past care, is still past cure.
Qu. Well bandied both, a set of Wit well played.
But Rosaline, you haue a Fauour too?
Who sent it? and what is it?
Ros. I would you knew.
1920And if my face were but as faire as yours,
My Fauour were as great, be witnesse this.
Nay, I haue Verses too, I thanke Berowne,
The numbers true, and were the numbring too.
I were the fairest goddesse on the ground.
1925I am compar'd to twenty thousand fairs.
O he hath drawne my picture in his letter.
Qu. Any thing like?
Ros. Much in the letters, nothing in the praise.
Qu. Beauteous as Incke: a good conclusion.
1930
Kat. Faire as a text B. in a Coppie booke.
Ros. Ware pensals. How? Let me not die your debtor,
My red Dominicall, my golden letter.
O that your face were full of Oes.
Qu. A Pox of that iest, and I beshrew all Shrowes:
1935But Katherine, what was sent to you
From faire Dumaine?
Kat. Madame, this Gloue.
Qu. Did he not send you twaine?
Kat. Yes Madame: and moreouer,
1940Some thousand Verses of a faithfull Louer.
A huge translation of hypocrisie,
Vildly compiled, profound simplicitie.
Mar. This, and these Pearls, to me sent Longauile.
The Letter is too long by halfe a mile.
1945
Qu. I thinke no lesse: Dost thou wish in heart
The Chaine were longer, and the Letter short.
Mar. I, or I would these hands might neuer part.
Quee. We are wise girles to mocke our Louers so.
Ros. They are worse fooles to purchase mocking so.
1950That same Berowne ile torture ere I goe.
O that I knew he were but in by th' weeke,
How I would make him fawne, and begge, and seeke,
And wait the season, and obserue the times,
And spend his prodigall wits in booteles rimes,
1955And shape his seruice wholly to my deuice,
And make him proud to make me proud that iests.
So pertaunt like would I o'resway his state,
That he shold be my foole, and I his fate.
Qu. None are so surely caught, when they are catcht,
1960As Wit turn'd foole, follie in Wisedome hatch'd:
Hath wisedoms warrant, and the helpe of Schoole,
And Wits owne grace to grace a learned Foole?
Ros. The bloud of youth burns not with such excesse,
As grauities reuolt to wantons be.
1965
Mar. Follie in Fooles beares not so strong a note,
As fool'ry in the Wise, when Wit doth dote:
Since all the power thereof it doth apply,
To proue by Wit, worth in simplicitie.
Enter Boyet.
1970
Qu. Heere comes Boyet, and mirth in his face.
Boy. O I am stab'd with laughter, Wher's her Grace?
Qu. Thy newes Boyet?
Boy. Prepare Madame, prepare.
Arme Wenches arme, incounters mounted are,
1975Against your Peace, Loue doth approach, disguis'd:
Armed in arguments, you'll be surpriz'd.
Muster your Wits, stand in your owne defence,
Or hide your heads like Cowards, and flie hence.
Qu. Saint Dennis to S. Cupid: What are they,
1980That charge their breath against vs? Say scout say.
Boy. Vnder the coole shade of a Siccamore,
I thought to close mine eyes some halfe an houre:
When lo to interrupt my purpos'd rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest,
1985The King and his companions: warely
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And ouer-heard, what you shall ouer-heare:
That by and by disguis'd they will be heere.
Their Herald is a pretty knauish Page:
1990That well by heart hath con'd his embassage,
Action and accent did they teach him there.
Thus must thou speake, and thus thy body beare.
And euer and anon they made a doubt,
Presence maiesticall would put him out:
1995For quoth the King, an Angell shalt thou see:
Yet feare not thou, but speake audaciously.
The Boy reply'd, An Angell is not euill:
I should haue fear'd her, had she beene a deuill.
With that all laugh'd, and clap'd him on the shoulder,
2000Making the bold wagg by their praises bolder.
One rub'd his elboe thus, and fleer'd, and swore,
A better speech was neuer spoke before.
Another with his finger and his thumb,
Cry'd via, we will doo't, come what will come.
2005The third he caper'd and cried, All goes well.
The fourth turn'd on the toe, and downe he fell:
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zelous laughter so profound,
That in this spleene ridiculous appeares,
2010To checke their folly passions solemne teares.
Que. But what, but what, come they to visit vs?
Boy. They do, they do; and are apparel'd thus,
Like Muscouites; or Russians, as I gesse.
Their purpose is to parlee, to court, and dance,
2015And euery one his Loue-feat will aduance,
Vnto his seuerall mistresse: which they'll know
By fauours seuerall, which they did bestow.
Queen. And will they so? the Gallants shall be taskt:
For Ladies; we will euery one be maskt,
2020And not a man of them shall haue the grace
Despight of sute, to see a Ladies face.
Hold Rosaline, this Fauour thou shalt weare,
And then the King will court thee for his Deare:
Hold, take thou this my sweet, and giue me thine,
2025So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
And change your Fauours too, so shall your Loues
Woo contrary, deceiu'd by these remoues.
Rosa. Come on then, weare the fauours most in sight.
Kath. But in this changing, What is your intent?
2030
Queen. The effect of my intent is to crosse theirs:
They doe it but in mocking merriment,
And mocke for mocke is onely my intent.
Their seuerall counsels they vnbosome shall,
To Loues mistooke, and so be mockt withall.
2035Vpon the next occasion that we meete,
With Visages displayd to talke and greete.
Ros. But shall we dance, if they desire vs too't?
Quee. No, to the death we will not moue a foot,
Nor to their pen'd speech render we no grace:
2040But while 'tis spoke, each turne away his face.
Boy. Why that contempt will kill the keepers heart,
And quite diuorce his memory from his part.
Quee. Therefore I doe it, and I make no doubt,
The rest will ere come in, if he be out.
2045Theres no such sport, as sport by sport orethrowne:
To make theirs ours, and ours none but our owne.
So shall we stay mocking entended game,
And they well mockt, depart away with shame.
Sound.
Boy. The Trompet sounds, be maskt, the maskers
2050come.
Enter Black moores with musicke, the Boy with a speech,
and the rest of the Lords disguised.
Page. All haile, the richest Beauties on the earth.
Ber. Beauties no richer then rich Taffata.
2055
Pag. A holy parcell of the fairest dames that euer turn'd
their backes to mortall viewes.
The Ladies turne their backes to him.
Ber. Their eyes villaine, their eyes.
Pag. That euer turn'd their eyes to mortall viewes.
2060Out
Boy. True, out indeed.
Pag. Out of your fauours heauenly spirits vouchsafe
Not to beholde.
Ber. Once to behold, rogue.
2065
Pag. Once to behold with your Sunne beamed eyes,
With your Sunne beamed eyes.
Boy. They will not answer to that Epythite,
You were best call it Daughter beamed eyes.
Pag. They do not marke me, and that brings me out.
2070
Bero. Is this your perfectnesse? be gon you rogue.
Rosa. What would these strangers?
Know their mindes Boyet.
If they doe speake our language, 'tis our will
That some plaine man recount their purposes.
2075Know what they would?
Boyet. What would you with the Princes?
Ber. Nothing but peace, and gentle visitation.
Ros. What would they, say they?
Boy. Nothing but peace, and gentle visitation.
2080
Rosa. Why that they haue, and bid them so be gon.
Boy. She saies you haue it, and you may be gon.
Kin. Say to her we haue measur'd many miles,
To tread a Measure with you on the grasse.
Boy. They say that they haue measur'd many a mile,
2085To tread a Measure with you on this grasse.
Rosa. It is not so. Aske them how many inches
Is in one mile? If they haue measur'd manie,
The measure then of one is easlie told.
Boy. If to come hither, you haue measur'd miles,
2090And many miles: the Princesse bids you tell,
How many inches doth fill vp one mile?
Ber. Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
Boy. She heares her selfe.
Rosa. How manie wearie steps,
2095Of many wearie miles you haue ore-gone,
Are numbred in the trauell of one mile?
Bero. We number nothing that we spend for you,
Our dutie is so rich, so infinite,
That we may doe it still without accompt.
2100Vouchsafe to shew the sunshine of your face,
That we (like sauages) may worship it.
Rosa. My face is but a Moone and clouded too.
Kin. Blessed are clouds, to doe as such clouds do.
Vouchsafe bright Moone, and these thy stars to shine,
2105(Those clouds remooued) vpon our waterie eyne.
Rosa. O vaine peticioner, beg a greater matter,
Thou now requests but Mooneshine in the water.
Kin. Then in our measure, vouchsafe but one change.
Thou bidst me begge, this begging is not strange.
2110
Rosa. Play musicke then: nay you must doe it soone.
Not yet no dance: thus change I like the Moone.
Kin. Will you not dance? How come you thus e­
stranged?
Rosa. You tooke the Moone at full, but now shee's
2115changed?
Kin. Yet still she is the Moone, and I the Man.
Rosa. The musick playes, vouchsafe some motion to
it: Our eares vouchsafe it.
Kin. But your legges should doe it.
2120
Ros. Since you are strangers, & come here by chance,
Wee'll not be nice, take hands, we will not dance.
Kin. Why take you hands then?
Rosa. Onelie to part friends.
Curtsie sweet hearts, and so the Measure ends.
2125
Kin. More measure of this measure, be not nice.
Rosa. We can afford no more at such a price.
Kin. Prise your selues: What buyes your companie?
Rosa. Your absence onelie.
Kin. That can neuer be.
2130
Rosa. Then cannot we be bought: and so adue,
Twice to your Visore, and halfe once to you.
Kin. If you denie to dance, let's hold more chat.
Ros. In priuate then.
Kin. I am best pleas'd with that.
2135
Be. White handed Mistris, one sweet word with thee.
Qu. Hony, and Milke, and Suger: there is three.
Ber. Nay then two treyes, an if you grow so nice
Methegline, Wort, and Malmsey; well runne dice:
There's halfe a dozen sweets.
2140
Qu. Seuenth sweet adue, since you can cogg,
Ile play no more with you.
Ber. One word in secret.
Qu. Let it not be sweet.
Ber. Thou greeu'st my gall.
2145
Qu. Gall, bitter.
Ber. Therefore meete.
Du. Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
Mar. Name it.
Dum. Faire Ladie:
2150
Mar. Say you so? Faire Lord:
Take you that for your faire Lady.
Du. Please it you,
As much in priuate, and Ile bid adieu.
Mar. What, was your vizard made without a tong?
2155
Long. I know the reason Ladie why you aske.
Mar. O for your reason, quickly sir, I long.
Long. You haue a double tongue within your mask.
And would affoord my speechlesse vizard halfe.
Mar. Veale quoth the Dutch-man: is not Veale a
2160Calfe?
Long. A Calfe faire Ladie?
Mar. No, a faire Lord Calfe.
Long. Let's part the word.
Mar. No, Ile not be your halfe:
2165Take all and weane it, it may proue an Oxe.
Long. Looke how you but your selfe in these sharpe
mockes.
Will you giue hornes chast Ladie? Do not so.
Mar. Then die a Calfe before your horns do grow.
2170
Lon. One word in priuate with you ere I die.
Mar. Bleat softly then, the Butcher heares you cry.
Boyet. The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the Razors edge, inuisible:
Cutting a smaller haire then may be seene,
2175Aboue the sense of sence so sensible:
Seemeth their conference, their conceits haue wings,
Fleeter then arrows, bullets wind, thoght, swifter things
Rosa. Not one word more my maides, breake off,
breake off.
2180
Ber. By heauen, all drie beaten with pure scoffe.
King. Farewell madde Wenches, you haue simple
wits.
Exeunt.
Qu. Twentie adieus my frozen Muscouits.
Are these the breed of wits so wondred at?
2185
Boyet. Tapers they are, with your sweete breathes
puft out.
Rosa. Wel-liking wits they haue, grosse, grosse, fat, fat.
Qu. O pouertie in wit, Kingly poore flout.
Will they not (thinke you) hang themselues to night?
2190Or euer but in vizards shew their faces:
This pert Berowne was out of count'nance quite.
Rosa. They were all in lamentable cases.
The King was vveeping ripe for a good word.
Qu. Berowne did sweare himselfe out of all suite.
2195
Mar. Dumaine was at my seruice, and his sword:
No point (quoth I:) my seruant straight vvas mute.
Ka. Lord Longauill said I came ore his hart:
And trow you vvhat he call'd me?
Qu. Qualme perhaps.
2200
Kat. Yes in good faith.
Qu. Go sicknesse as thou art.
Ros. Well, better wits haue worne plain statute caps,
But will you heare; the King is my loue sworne.
Qu. And quicke Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
2205
Kat. And Longauill was for my seruice borne.
Mar. Dumaine is mine as sure as barke on tree.
Boyet. Madam, and prettie mistresses giue eare,
Immediately they will againe be heere
In their owne shapes: for it can neuer be,
2210They will digest this harsh indignitie.
Qu. Will they returne?
Boy. They will they will, God knowes,
And leape for ioy, though they are lame with blowes:
Therefore change Fauours, and when they repaire,
2215Blow like sweet Roses, in this summer aire.
Qu. How blovv? how blovv? Speake to bee vnder­
stood.
Boy. Faire Ladies maskt, are Roses in their bud:
Dismaskt, their damaske sweet commixture showne,
2220Are Angels vailing clouds, or Roses blowne.
Qu. Auant perplexitie: What shall we do,
If they returne in their owne shapes to wo?
Rosa. Good Madam, if by me you'l be aduis'd.
Let's mocke them still as well knowne as disguis'd:
2225Let vs complaine to them what fooles vvere heare,
Disguis'd like Muscouites in shapelesse geare:
And wonder what they were, and to what end
Their shallow showes, and Prologue vildely pen'd:
And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
2230Should be presented at our Tent to vs.
Boyet. Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.
Quee. Whip to our Tents, as Roes runnes ore Land.
Exeunt.
Enter the King and the rest.
2235
King. Faire sir, God saue you. Wher's the Princesse?
Boy. Gone to her Tent.
Please it your Maiestie command me any seruice to her?
King. That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
Boy. I will, and so will she, I know my Lord.
Exit.
2240
Ber. This fellow pickes vp wit as Pigeons pease,
And vtters it againe, when Ioue doth please.
He is Wits Pedler, and retailes his Wares,
At Wakes, and Wassels, Meetings, Markets, Faires.
And we that sell by grosse, the Lord doth know,
2245Haue not the grace to grace it with such show.
This Gallant pins the Wenches on his sleeue.
Had he bin Adam, he had tempted Eue.
He can carue too, and lispe: Why this is he,
That kist away his hand in courtesie.
2250This is the Ape of Forme, Monsieur the nice,
That when he plaies at Tables, chides the Dice
In honorable tearmes: Nay he can sing
A meane most meanly, and in Vshering
Mend him who can: the Ladies call him sweete.
2255The staires as he treads on them kisse his feete.
This is the flower that smiles on euerie one,
To shew his teeth as white as Whales bone.
And consciences that wil not die in debt,
Pay him the dutie of honie-tongued Boyet.
2260
King. A blister on his sweet tongue with my hart,
That put Armathoes Page out of his part.
Enter the Ladies.
Ber. See where it comes. Behauiour what wer't thou,
Till this madman shew'd thee? And what art thou now?
2265
King. All haile sweet Madame, and faire time of day.
Qu. Faire in all Haile is foule, as I conceiue.
King. Construe my speeches better, if you may.
Qu. Then wish me better, I wil giue you leaue.
King. We came to visit you, and purpose now
2270To leade you to our Court, vouchsafe it then.
Qu. This field shal hold me, and so hold your vow:
Nor God, nor I, delights in periur'd men.
King. Rebuke me not for that which you prouoke:
The vertue of your eie must breake my oth.
2275
Q. You nickname vertue: vice you should haue spoke:
For vertues office neuer breakes men troth.
Now by my maiden honor, yet as pure
As the vnsallied Lilly, I protest,
A world of torments though I should endure,
2280I would not yeeld to be your houses guest:
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heauenly oaths, vow'd with integritie.
Kin. O you haue liu'd in desolation heere,
Vnseene, vnuisited, much to our shame.
2285
Qu. Not so my Lord, it is not so I sweare,
We haue had pastimes heere, and pleasant game,
A messe of Russians left vs but of late.
Kin. How Madam? Russians?
Qu. I in truth, my Lord.
2290Trim gallants, full of Courtship and of state.
Rosa. Madam speake true. It is not so my Lord:
My Ladie (to the manner of the daies)
In curtesie giues vndeseruing praise.
We foure indeed confronted were with foure
2295In Russia habit: Heere they stayed an houre,
And talk'd apace: and in that houre (my Lord)
They did not blesse vs with one happy word.
I dare not call them fooles; but this I thinke,
When they are thirstie, fooles would faine haue drinke.
2300
Ber. This iest is drie to me. Gentle sweete,
Your wits makes wise things foolish when we greete
With eies best seeing, heauens fierie eie:
By light we loose light; your capacitie
Is of that nature, that to your huge stoore,
2305Wise things seeme foolish, and rich things but poore.
Ros. This proues you wise and rich: for in my eie
Ber. I am a foole, and full of pouertie.
Ros. But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
2310
Ber. O, I am yours, and all that I possesse.
Ros. All the foole mine.
Ber. I cannot giue you lesse.
Ros. Which of the Vizards what it that you wore?
Ber. Where? when? What Vizard?
2315Why demand you this?
Ros. There, then, that vizard, that superfluous case,
That hid the worse, and shew'd the better face.
Kin. We are discried,
They'l mocke vs now downeright.
2320
Du. Let vs confesse, and turne it to a iest.
Que. Amaz'd my Lord? Why lookes your Highnes
sadde?
Rosa. Helpe hold his browes, hee'l sound: why looke
you pale?
2325Sea-sicke I thinke comming from Muscouie.
Ber. Thus poure the stars down plagues for periury.
Can any face of brasse hold longer out?
Heere stand I, Ladie dart thy skill at me,
Bruise me with scorne, confound me with a flout.
2330Thrust thy sharpe wit quite through my ignorance.
Cut me to peeces with thy keene conceit:
And I will wish thee neuer more to dance,
Nor neuer more in Russian habit waite.
O! neuer will I trust to speeches pen'd,
2335Nor to the motion of a Schoole-boies tongue.
Nor neuer come in vizard to my friend,
Nor woo in rime like a blind-harpers songue,
Taffata phrases, silken tearmes precise,
Three-pil'd Hyperboles, spruce affection;
2340Figures pedanticall, these summer flies,
Haue blowne me full of maggot ostentation.
I do forsweare them, and I heere protest,
By this white Gloue (how white the hand God knows)
Henceforth my woing minde shall be exprest
2345In russet yeas, and honest kersie noes.
And to begin Wench, so God helpe me law,
My loue to thee is sound, sans cracke or flaw.
Rosa. Sans, sans, I pray you.
Ber. Yet I haue a tricke
2350Of the old rage: beare with me, I am sicke.
Ile leaue it by degrees: soft, let vs see,
Write Lord haue mercie on vs, on those three,
They are infected, in their hearts it lies:
They haue the plague, and caught it of your eyes:
2355These Lords are visited, you are not free:
For the Lords tokens on you do I see.
Qu. No, they are free that gaue these tokens to vs.
Ber. Our states are forfeit, seeke not to vndo vs.
Ros. It is not so; for how can this be true,
2360That you stand forfeit, being those that sue.
Ber. Peace, for I will not haue to do with you.
Ros. Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
Ber. Speake for your selues, my wit is at an end.
King. Teach vs sweete Madame, for our rude trans­
2365gression, some faire excuse.
Qu. The fairest is confession.
Were you not heere but euen now, disguis'd?
Kin. Madam, I was.
Qu. And were you well aduis'd?
2370
Kin. I was faire Madam.
Qu. When you then were heere,
What did you whisper in your Ladies eare?
King. That more then all the world I did respect her
Qu. When shee shall challenge this, you will reiect
2375her.
King. Vpon mine Honor no.
Qu. Peace, peace, forbeare:
your oath once broke, you force not to forsweare.
King. Despise me when I breake this oath of mine.
2380
Qu. I will, and therefore keepe it. Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your eare?
Ros. Madam, he swore that he did hold me deare
As precious eye-sight, and did value me
Aboue this World: adding thereto moreouer,
2385That he vvould Wed me, or else die my Louer.
Qu. God giue thee ioy of him: the Noble Lord
Most honorably doth vphold his word.
King. What meane you Madame?
By my life, my troth
2390I neuer swore this Ladie such an oth.
Ros. By heauen you did; and to confirme it plaine,
You gaue me this: But take it sir againe.
King. My faith and this, the Princesse I did giue,
I knew her by this Iewell on her sleeue.
2395
Qu. Pardon me sir, this Iewell did she weare.
And Lord Berowne (I thanke him) is my deare.
What? Will you haue me, or your Pearle againe?
Ber. Neither of either, I remit both twaine.
I see the tricke on't: Heere was a consent,
2400Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
To dash it like a Christmas Comedie.
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight Zanie,
Some mumble-newes, some trencher-knight, som Dick
That smiles his cheeke in yeares, and knowes the trick
2405To make my Lady laugh, when she's dispos'd;
Told our intents before: which once disclos'd,
The Ladies did change Fauours; and then we
Following the signes, woo'd but the signe of she.
Now to our periurie, to adde more terror,
2410We are againe forsworne in will and error.
Much vpon this tis: and might not you
Forestall our sport, to make vs thus vntrue?
Do not you know my Ladies foot by'th squier?
And laugh vpon the apple of her eie?
2415And stand betweene her backe sir, and the fire,
Holding a trencher, iesting merrilie?
You put our Page out: go, you are alowd.
Die when you will, a smocke shall be your shrowd.
You leere vpon me, do you? There's an eie
2420Wounds like a Leaden sword.
Boy. Full merrily hath this braue manager, this car­
reere bene run.
Ber. Loe, he is tilting straight. Peace, I haue don.
Enter Clowne.
2425Welcome pure wit, thou part'st a faire fray.
Clo. O Lord sir, they would kno,
Whether the three worthies shall come in, or no.
Ber. What, are there but three?
Clo. No sir, but it is vara fine,
2430For euerie one pursents three.
Ber. And three times thrice is nine.
Clo. Not so sir, vnder correction sir, I hope it is not so.
You cannot beg vs sir, I can assure you sir, we know what
we know: I hope sir three times thrice sir.
2435
Ber. Is not nine.
Clo. Vnder correction sir, wee know where-vntill it
doth amount.
Ber. By Ioue, I alwaies tooke three threes for nine.
Clow. O Lord sir, it were pittie you should get your
2440liuing by reckning sir.
Ber. How much is it?
Clo. O Lord sir, the parties themselues, the actors sir
will shew where-vntill it doth amount: for mine owne
part, I am (as they say, but to perfect one man in one
2445poore man) Pompion the great sir.
Ber. Art thou one of the Worthies?
Clo. It pleased them to thinke me worthie of Pompey
the great: for mine owne part, I know not the degree of
the Worthie, but I am to stand for him.
2450
Ber. Go, bid them prepare.
Exit.
Clo. We will turne it finely off sir, we wil take some
care.
King. Berowne, they will shame vs:
Let them not approach.
2455
Ber. We are shame-proofe my Lord: and 'tis some
policie, to haue one shew worse then the Kings and his
companie.
Kin. I say they shall not come.
Qu. Nay my good Lord, let me ore-rule you now;
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