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Shakespeare on Stage
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Love's Labor's Lost (Folio 1, 1623)

Author: William Shakespeare
Not Peer Reviewed
1150
Enter Dull, Holofernes, the Pedant and Nathaniel.
Nat. Very reuerent sport truely, and done in the testi-
mony of a good conscience.
Ped. The Deare was (as you know) sanguis in blood,
ripe as a Pomwater, who now hangeth like a Iewell in
1155the eare of Celo the skie; the welken the heauen, and a-
non falleth like a Crab on the face of Terra, the soyle, the
land, the earth.
Curat. Nath. Truely M. Holofernes, the epythithes are
sweetly varied like a scholler at the least: but sir I assure
1160ye, it was a Bucke of the first head.
Hol. Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
Dul. 'Twas not a haud credo, 'twas a Pricket.
Hol. Most barbarous intimation: yet a kinde of insi-
nuation, as it were in via, in way of explication facere: as
1165it were replication, or rather ostentare, to show as it were
his inclination after his vndressed, vnpolished, vneduca-
ted, vnpruned, vntrained, or rather vnlettered, or rathe-
rest vnconfirmed fashion, to insert againe my haud credo
for a Deare.
1170Dul. I said the Deare was not a haud credo, 'twas a
Pricket.
Hol. Twice sod simplicitie, bis coctus, O thou mon-
ster Ignorance, how deformed doost thou looke.
Nath. Sir hee hath neuer fed of the dainties that are
1175bred in a booke.
He hath not eate paper as it were:
He hath not drunke inke.
His intellect is not replenished, hee is onely an animall,
onely sensible in the duller parts: and such barren plants
1180are set before vs, that we thankfull should be: which we
taste and feeling, are for those parts that doe fructifie in
vs more then he.
For as it would ill become me to be vaine, indiscreet, or
a foole;
1185So were there a patch set on Learning, to see him in a
Schoole.
But omne bene say I, being of an old Fathers minde,
Many can brooke the weather, that loue not the winde.
Dul. You two are book-men: Can you tell by your
1190wit, What was a month old at Cains birth, that's not fiue
weekes old as yet?
Hol. Dictisima goodman Dull, dictisima goodman
Dull.
Dul. What is dictima?
1195Nath. A title to Phebe, to Luna, to the Moone.
Hol. The Moone was a month old when Adam was
no more.
And wrought not to fiue-weekes when he came to fiue-
Th'allusion holds in the Exchange.
1200Dul. 'Tis true indeede, the Collusion holds in the
Exchange.
Hol. God comfort thy capacity, I say th'allusion holds
in the Exchange.
Dul. And I say the polusion holds in the Exchange:
1205for the Moone is neuer but a month old: and I say be-
side that, 'twas a Pricket that the Princesse kill'd.
Hol. Sir Nathaniel, will you heare an extemporall
Epytaph on the death of the Deare, and to humour
the ignorant call'd the Deare, the Princesse kill'd a
1210Pricket.
Nath. Perge, good M. Holofernes, perge, so it shall
please you to abrogate scurilitie.
Hol I will something affect a letter, for it argues
facilitie.
1215The prayfull Princesse pearst and prickt
a prettie pleasing Pricket,
Some say a Sore, but not a sore,
till now made sore with shooting.
The Dogges did yell, put ell to Sore,
1220then Sorell iumps from thicket:
Or Pricket-sore, or else Sorell,
the people fall a hooting.
If Sore be sore, then ell to Sore,
makes fiftie sores O sorell:
1225Of one sore I an hundred make
by adding but one more L.
Nath. A rare talent.
Dul. If a talent be a claw, looke how he clawes him
with a talent.
1230Nath. This is a gift that I haue simple: simple, a foo-
lish extrauagant spirit, full of formes, figures, shapes, ob-
iects, Ideas, apprehensions, motions, reuolutions. These
are begot in the ventricle of memorie, nourisht in the
wombe of primater, and deliuered vpon the mellowing
1235of occasion: but the gift is good in those in whom it is
acute, and I am thankfull for it.
Hol. Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my
parishioners, for their Sonnes are well tutor'd by you,
and their Daughters profit very greatly vnder you: you
1240are a good member of the common-wealth.
Nath. Me hercle, If their Sonnes be ingennous, they
shall want no instruction: If their Daughters be capable,
I will put it to them. But Vir sapis qui pauca loquitur, a
soule Feminine saluteth vs.
1245
Enter Iaquenetta and the Clowne.
Iaqu. God giue you good morrow M. Person.
Nath. Master Person, quasi Person? And if one should
be perst, Which is the one?
Clo. Marry M. Schoolemaster, hee that is likest to a
1250hogshead.
Nath. Of persing a Hogshead, a good luster of con-
ceit in a turph of Earth, Fire enough for a Flint, Pearle
enough for a Swine: 'tis prettie, it is well.
Iaqu. Good Master Parson be so good as reade mee
1255this Letter, it was giuen mee by Costard, and sent mee
from Don Armatho: I beseech you reade it.
Nath. Facile precor gellida, quando pecas omnia sub vm-
bra ruminat, and so forth. Ah good old Mantuan, I
may speake of thee as the traueiler doth of Venice, vem-
1260chie, vencha, que non te vnde, que non te perreche. Old Man-
tuan, old Mantuan. Who vnderstandeth thee not, vt re
sol la mi fa: Vnder pardon sir, What are the contents? or
rather as Horrace sayes in his, What my soule verses.
Hol. I sir, and very learned.
1265Nath. Let me heare a staffe, a stanze, a verse, Lege do-
mine.
If Loue make me forsworne, how shall I sweare to loue?
Ah neuer faith could hold, if not to beautie vowed.
Though to my selfe forsworn, to thee Ile faithfull proue.
1270Those thoughts to mee were Okes, to thee like Osiers
bowed.
Studie his byas leaues, and makes his booke thine eyes.
Where all those pleasures liue, that Art would compre-
hend.
1275If knowledge be the marke, to know thee shall suffice.
Well learned is that tongue, that well can thee cõmend.
All ignorant that soule, that sees thee without wonder.
Which is to me some praise, that I thy parts admire;
Thy eye Ioues lightning beares, thy voyce his dreadfull
1280thunder.
Which not to anger bent, is musique, and sweet fire.
Celestiall as thou art, Oh pardon loue this wrong,
That sings heauens praise, with such an earthly tongue.
Ped. You finde not the apostraphas, and so misse the
1285accent. Let me superuise the cangenet.
Nath. Here are onely numbers ratified, but for the
elegancy, facility, & golden cadence of poesie caret: O-
uiddius Naso was the man. And why in deed Naso, but
for smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy? the
1290ierkes of inuention imitarie is nothing: So doth the
Hound his master, the Ape his keeper, the tyred Horse
his rider: But Damosella virgin, Was this directed to
you?
Iaq. I sir from one mounsier Berowne, one of the
1295strange Queenes Lords.
Nath. I will ouerglance the superscript.
To the snow-white hand of the most beautious Lady Rosaline.
I will looke againe on the intellect of the Letter, for
the nomination of the partie written to the person writ-
1300ten vnto.
Your Ladiships in all desired imployment, Berowne.
Per. Sir Holofernes, this Berowne is one of the Votaries
with the King, and here he hath framed a Letter to a se-
quent of the stranger Queenes: which accidentally, or
1305by the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and
goe my sweete, deliuer this Paper into the hand of the
King, it may concerne much: stay not thy complement, I
forgiue thy duetie, adue.
Maid. Good Costard go with me:
1310Sir God saue your life.
Cost. Haue with thee my girle.
Exit.
Hol. Sir you haue done this in the feare of God very
religiously: and as a certaine Father saith
Ped. Sir tell not me of the Father, I do feare coloura-
1315ble colours. But to returne to the Verses, Did they please
you sir Nathaniel?
Nath. Marueilous well for the pen.
Peda. I do dine to day at the fathers of a certaine Pu-
pill of mine, where if (being repast) it shall please you to
1320gratifie the table with a Grace, I will on my priuiledge I
haue with the parents of the foresaid Childe or Pupill,
vndertake your bien vonuto, where I will proue those
Verses to be very vnlearned, neither sauouring of
Poetrie, Wit, nor Inuention. I beseech your So-
1325cietie.
Nat. And thanke you to: for societie (saith the text)
is the happinesse of life.
Peda. And certes the text most infallibly concludes it.
Sir I do inuite you too, you shall not say me nay: pauca
1330verba.
Away, the gentles are at their game, and we will to our
recreation.
Exeunt.