Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: James D. Mardock
Not Peer Reviewed

Henry V (Modern, Folio)


2896.1

[5.1]

Enter Fluellen and Gower.
Gower Nay, that's right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint Davy's day is past.
2900Fluellen There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. I will tell you ass my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no 2905merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in a place where I could not breed no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little 2910piece of my desires.
Enter Pistol.
Gower Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.
Fluellen 'Tis no matter for his swellings nor his 2915turkey-cocks. -- God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy lousy knave, God pless you.
Pistol Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have me fold up Parca's fatal web? Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of leek.
2920Fluellen I peseech you heartily, scurvy lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections and your appetites and your disgestions does not agree with it, I would desire you 2925to eat it.
Pistol Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.
Fluellen There is one goat for you. Strikes him [with a cudgel] Will you be so good, scald knave, as eat it?
Pistol Base Trojan, thou shalt die.
2930Fluellen You say very true, scald knave, when God's will is. I will desire you to live in the meantime, and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it. [Strikes him] You called me yesterday mountain squire, but I will make you today a squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to. If 2935you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.
Gower Enough, captain. You have astonished him.
Fluellen I say I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days. -- Bite, I pray you. It is good for your green wound and your ploody 2940coxcomb.
Pistol Must I bite?
Fluellen Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question, too, and ambiguities.
Pistol By this leek, I will most horribly revenge -- [Fluellen threatens him.] I 2945eat and eat, I swear.
Fluellen Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? There is not enough leek to swear by.
Pistol Quiet thy cudgel! Thou dost see I eat.
Fluellen Much good do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, 2950pray you throw none away; the skin is good for your broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you mock at 'em, that is all.
Pistol Good.
Fluellen Ay, leeks is good. Hold you, there is a groat to 2955heal your pate.
[Offers money]
Pistol Me a groat?
Fluellen Yes, verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket which you shall eat.
Pistol I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.
2960Fluellen If I owe you anything, I will pay you in cudgels. You shall be a woodmonger, and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God b'wi'you, and keep you, and heal your pate.
Exit.
Pistol All hell shall stir for this.
2965Gower Go, go, you are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition, begun upon an honorable respect, and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valor, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and galling 2970at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought because he could not speak English in the native garb he could not therefore handle an English cudgel. You find it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare ye well.
Exit.
2975Pistol Doth fortune play the hussy with me now? News have I that my Doll is dead i'th'Spital of a malady of France, and there my rendezvous is quite cut off. Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs honor is cudgeled. Well, bawd I'll turn, and something lean to 2980cutpurse of quick hand. To England will I steal, and there I'll steal.
And patches will I get unto these cudgeled scars,
And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.
Exit.