Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Matthew Steggle
Not Peer Reviewed

The Comedy of Errors (Folio 1, 1623)


92
The Comedie of Errors.

875Anti. What claime laies she to thee?
Dro. Marry sir, such claime as you would lay to your
horse, and she would haue me as a beast, not that I bee-
ing a beast she would haue me, but that she being a ve-
rie beastly creature layes claime to me.
880Anti. What is she?
Dro. A very reuerent body: I such a one, as a man
may not speake of, without he say sir reuerence, I haue
but leane lucke in the match, and yet is she a wondrous
fat marriage.
885Anti. How dost thou meane a fat marriage?
Dro. Marry sir, she's the Kitchin wench, & al grease,
and I know not what vse to put her too, but to make a
Lampe of her, and run from her by her owne light. I
warrant, her ragges and the Tallow in them, will burne
890a Poland Winter: If she liues till doomesday, she'l burne
a weeke longer then the whole World.
Anti. What complexion is she of?
Dro. Swart like my shoo, but her face nothing like
so cleane kept: for why? she sweats a man may goe o-
895uer-shooes in the grime of it.
Anti. That's a fault that water will mend.
Dro. No sir, 'tis in graine, Noahs flood could not
do it.
Anti. What's her name?
900Dro. Nell Sir: but her name is three quarters, that's
an Ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip
to hip.
Anti. Then she beares some bredth?
Dro. No longer from head to foot, then from hippe
905to hippe: she is sphericall, like a globe: I could find out
Countries in her.
Anti. In what part of her body stands Ireland?
Dro. Marry sir in her buttockes, I found it out by
the bogges.
910Ant. Where Scotland?
Dro. I found it by the barrennesse, hard in the palme
of the hand.
Ant. Where France?
Dro. In her forhead, arm'd and reuerted, making
915warre against her heire.
Ant. Where England?
Dro. I look'd for the chalkle Cliffes, but I could find
no whitenesse in them. But I guesse, it stood in her chin
by the salt rheume that ranne betweene France, and it.
920Ant. Where Spaine?
Dro. Faith I saw it not: but I felt it hot in her breth.
Ant. Where America, the Indies?
Dro. Oh sir, vpon her nose, all ore embellished with
Rubies, Carbuncles, Saphires, declining their rich As-
925pect to the hot breath of Spaine, who sent whole Ar-
madoes of Carrects to be ballast at her nose.
Anti. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
Dro. Oh sir, I did not looke so low. To conclude,
this drudge or Diuiner layd claime to mee, call'd mee
930Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what priuie
markes I had about mee, as the marke of my shoulder,
the Mole in my necke, the great Wart on my left arme,
that I amaz'd ranne from her as a witch. And I thinke,
if
my brest had not beene made of faith, and my heart of
935steele, she had transform'd me to a Curtull dog, & made
me turne i'th wheele.
Anti. Go hie thee presently, post to the rode,
And if the winde blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this Towne to night.
940If any Barke put forth, come to the Mart,

Where I will walke till thou returne to me:
If euerie one knowes vs, and we know none,
'Tis time I thinke to trudge, packe, and be gone.
Dro. As from a Beare a man would run for life,
945So flie I from her that would be my wife.
Exit
Anti. There's none but Witches do inhabite heere,
And therefore 'tis hie time that I were hence:
She that doth call me husband, euen my soule
Doth for a wife abhorre. But her faire sister
950Possest with such a gentle soueraigne grace,
Of such inchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me Traitor to my selfe:
But least my selfe be guilty to selfe wrong,
Ile stop mine eares against the Mermaids song.
955
Enter Angelo with the Chaine.
Ang. Mr Antipholus.
Anti. I that's my name.
Ang. I know it well sir, loe here's the chaine,
I thought to haue tane you at the Porpentine,
960The chaine vnfinish'd made me stay thus long.
Anti. What is your will that I shal do with this?
Ang. What please your selfe sir: I haue made it for
you.
Anti. Made it for me sir, I bespoke it not.
965Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twentie times you
haue:
Go home with it, and please your Wife withall,
And soone at supper time Ile visit you,
And then receiue my money for the chaine.
970Anti. I pray you sir receiue the money now.
For feare you ne're see chaine, nor mony more.
Ang. You are a merry man sir, fare you well.
Exit.
Ant. What I should thinke of this, I cannot tell:
But this I thinke, there's no man is so vaine,
975That would refuse so faire an offer'd Chaine.
I see a man heere needs not liue by shifts,
When in the streets he meetes such Golden gifts:
Ile to the Mart, and there for Dromio stay,
If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit.




980
Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.



Enter a Merchant, Goldsmith, and an Officer.

Mar. You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I haue not much importun'd you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
985To Persia, and want Gilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or Ile attach you by this Officer.
Gold. Euen iust the sum that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
990And in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a Chaine, at fiue a clocke
I shall receiue the money for the same:
Pleaseth you walke with me downe to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thanke you too.

995
Enter Antipholus Ephes.Dromio from the Courtizans.
Offi. That labour may you saue: See where he comes.
Ant. While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thou
And