All's Well That Ends Well (Modern)

¶2 Lord Nay, good my lord, put him to 't. Let him ¶have his way.

¶1 Lord If your lordship find him not a [A4]hilding, 1735hold me no more in your respect.

¶2 Lord On my life, my lord, a bubble.

¶Bertram Do you think I am so far ¶deceived in him?

¶2 Lord Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct 1740knowledge, without any malice, but to speak of him ¶as my kinsman, he's a most notable coward, an ¶infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the ¶owner of no one good quality worthy your lordship's ¶entertainment.

17451 Lord It were fit you knew him, lest reposing too ¶far in his virtue, which he hath not, he might at some ¶great and trusty business in a main danger fail ¶you.

¶Bertram I would I knew in what particular action to try 1750him.

¶1 Lord None better than to let him fetch off his ¶drum, which you hear him so confidently ¶undertake to do.

¶2 Lord I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly 1755surprize him. Such I will have whom I am sure he knows ¶not from the enemy. We will bind and hoodwink ¶him so that he shall suppose no other but that he is ¶carried into the leaguer of the adversaries when we bring ¶him to our own tents. Be but your lordship present 1760at his examination. If he do not, for the promise of his ¶life and in the highest compulsion of base fear, offer to ¶betray you and deliver all the intelligence in his power ¶against you, and that with the divine forfeit of his ¶soul upon oath, never trust my judgment in 1765anything.

¶1 Lord Oh, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his ¶drum! He says he has a stratagem for 't. When your ¶lordship sees the bottom of this success in 't, and to ¶what metal this counterfeit lump of ore will be 1770melted if you give him not John Drum's entertainment, ¶your inclining cannot be removed. Here he comes.

¶2 Lord [Aside to Bertram] Oh, for the love of laughter, hinder not the ¶honor of his design! -- [Aloud] Let him fetch off his drum in any 1775hand.

¶Bertram How now, monsieur? This drum sticks ¶sorely in your disposition.

¶1 Lord A pox on 't, let it go! 'Tis but a drum.

¶Paroles But a drum! Is't but a drum? A drum so 1780lost? There was excellent command, to charge in with ¶our horse upon our own wings and to rend our own ¶soldiers.

¶1 Lord That was not to be blamed in the command ¶of the service. It was a disaster of war that Caesar 1785himself could not have prevented, if he had been there to ¶command.

¶Bertram Well, we cannot greatly condemn our ¶success. Some dishonor we had in the loss of that drum, ¶but it is not to be recovered.

1790Paroles It might have been recovered.

¶Bertram It might, but it is not now.

¶Paroles It is to be recovered. But that the merit of ¶service is seldom attributed to the true and exact ¶performer, I would have that drum or another, or hic 1795iacet.

¶Bertram Why, if you have a stomach, to 't, monsieur. If ¶you think your mystery in stratagem can bring this ¶instrument of honor again into his native quarter, be ¶magnanimous in the enterprise and go on. I will grace 1800the attempt for a worthy exploit. If you speed well in ¶it, the duke shall both speak of it and extend to you ¶what further becomes his greatness, even to the utmost ¶syllable of your worthiness.

¶Paroles By the hand of a soldier I will undertake it.

1805Bertram But you must not now slumber in it.

¶Paroles I'll about it this evening, and I will presently ¶pen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in my ¶certainty, put myself into my mortal preparation ¶-and by midnight look to hear further from me.

1810Bertram May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are ¶gone about it?

¶Paroles I know not what the success will be, my lord, ¶but the attempt I vow.

¶Bertram I know th'art valiant, 1815and to the possibility of thy soldiership, ¶will subscribe for thee. Farewell.

¶Paroles I love not many words.

¶2 Lord No more than a fish loves water. Is not this ¶a strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to 1820undertake this business, which he knows is not to be ¶done, damns himself to do, and dares better be damned ¶than to do 't?

¶1 Lord You do not know him, my lord, as we do. ¶ Certain it is that he will steal himself into a man's 1825favor, and for a week escape a great deal of ¶discoveries, but when you find him out, you have him ever ¶after.

¶Bertram Why, do you think he will make no deed at ¶all of this that so seriously he does address himself 1830unto?

¶2 Lord None in the world, but return with an ¶invention, and clap upon you two or three probable lies. ¶But we have almost embossed him. You shall see his fall ¶tonight, for indeed he is not for your lordship's 1835respect.

¶1 Lord We'll make you some sport with the fox ¶ere we case him. He was first smoked by the old Lord ¶Lafeu. When his disguise and he is parted, tell me what ¶a sprat you shall find him, which you shall see this 1840very night.

¶2 Lord I must go look my twigs. ¶He shall be caught.

¶Bertram [To 1 Lord] Your brother he shall go along with me.

¶2 Lord As 't please your lordship. I'll leave you.