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All's Well That Ends Well (Folio 1, 1623)

Author: William Shakespeare
Editors: Andrew Griffin, Helen Ostovich
Not Peer Reviewed
248
All's Well that Ends Well
fiftie, Sebastianso many, Corambusso many, Iaquesso
many: Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowicke and Gratij two hun-
2270dred fiftie each: Mine owne Company, Chitopher, Vau-
mond, Bentij, two hundred fiftie each: so that the muster
file, rotten and sound, vppon my life amounts not to fif-
teene thousand pole, halfe of the which, dare not shake
the snow from off their Cassockes, least they shake them-
2275selues to peeces.
Ber What shall be done to him?
Cap. G Nothing, but let him haue thankes. Demand
of him my condition: and what credite I haue with the
Duke.
2280Int Well that's set downe: you shall demaund of
him, whether one Captaine Dumainebee i'th Campe, a
Frenchman: what his reputation is with the Duke, what
his valour, honestie, and expertnesse in warres: or whe-
ther he thinkes it were not possible with well-waighing
2285summes of gold to corrupt him to a reuolt. What say you
to this? What do you know of it?
Par I beseech you let me answer to the particular of
the intergatories. Demand them singly.
Int Do you know this Captaine Dumaine
2290Par I know him, a was a Botchers Prentize in Paris
from whence he was whipt for getting the Shrieues fool
with childe, a dumbe innocent that could not say him
nay.
Ber Nay, by your leaue hold your hands, though I
2295know his braines are forfeite to the next tile that fals.
Int Well, is this Captaine in the Duke of Florences
campe?
Par Vpon my knowledge he is, and lowsie.
Cay. G Nay looke not so vpon me: we shall heare of
2300your Lord anon.
Int What is his reputation with the Duke?
Par The Duke knowes him for no other, but a poore
Officer of mine, and writ to mee this other day, to turne
him out a'th band. I thinke I haue his Letter in my poc-
2305ket.
Int Marry we'll search.
Par In good sadnesse I do not know, either it is there,
or it is vpon a file with the Dukes other Letters, in my
Tent.
2310Int Heere 'tis, heere's a paper, shall I reade it to you?
Par I do not know if it be it or no.
Ber Our Interpreter do's it well.
Cap. G Excellently.
Int Dian, the Counts a foole, and full of gold
2315Par That is not the Dukes letter sir: that is an ad-
uertisement to a proper maide in Florence, one Diana to
take heede of the allurement of one Count Rossillion a
foolish idle boy: but for all that very ruttish. I pray you
sir put it vp againe.
2320Int Nay, Ile reade it first by your fauour.
Par My meaning in't I protest was very honest in the
behalfe of the maid: for I knew the young Count to be a
dangerous and lasciuious boy, who is a whale to Virgi-
nity, and deuours vp all the fry it finds.
2325Ber Damnable both-sides rogue.
Int Let When he sweares oathes, bid him drop gold, and
take it
After he scores, he neuer payes the score
Halfe won is match well made, match and well make it
2330He nere payes after-debts, take it before
And say a souldier (Dian) told thee this
Men are to mell with, boyes are not to kis
For count of this, the Counts a Foole I know it
Who payes before, but not when he does owe it
2335
Thine as he vow'd to thee in thine eare,
Parolles
Ber He shall be whipt through the Armie with this
rime in's forehead.
Cap. E This is your deuoted friend sir, the manifold
2340Linguist, and the army-potent souldier.
Ber I could endure any thing before but a Cat, and
now he's a Cat to me.
Int I perceiue sir by your Generals lookes, wee shall
be faine to hang you.
2345Par My life sir in any case: Not that I am afraide to
dye, but that my offences beeing many, I would repent
out the remainder of Nature. Let me liue sir in a dunge-
on, i'th stockes, or any where, so I may liue.
Int Wee'le see what may bee done, so you confesse
2350freely: therefore once more to this Captaine Dumaine
you haue answer'd to his reputation with the Duke, and
to his valour. What is his honestie?
Par He will steale sir an Egge out of a Cloister: for
rapes and rauishments he paralels Nessus Hee professes
2355not keeping of oaths, in breaking em he is stronger then
Hercules He will lye sir, with such volubilitie, that you
would thinke truth were a foole: drunkennesse is his best
vertue, for he will be swine-drunke, and in his sleepe he
does little harme, saue to his bed-cloathes about him:
2360but they know his conditions, and lay him in straw. I
haue but little more to say sir of his honesty, he ha's eue-
rie thing that an honest man should not haue; what an
honest man should haue, he has nothing.
Cap. G I begin to loue him for this.
2365Ber For this description of thine honestie? A pox
vpon him for me, he's more and more a Cat.
Int What say you to his expertnesse in warre?
Par Faith sir, ha's led the drumme before the Eng-
lish Tragedians: to belye him I will not, and more of his
2370souldiership I know not, except in that Country, he had
the honour to be the Officer at a place there called Mile-
end, to instruct for the doubling of files. I would doe the
man what honour I can, but of this I am not certaine.
Cap. G He hath out-villain'd villanie so farre, that the
2375raritie redeemes him.
Ber A pox on him, he's a Cat still.
Int His qualities being at this poore price, I neede
not to aske you, if Gold will corrupt him to reuolt.
Par Sir, for a Cardceue he will sell the fee-simple of
2380his saluation, the inheritance of it, and cut th' intaile from
all remainders, and a perpetuall succession for it perpe-
tually.
Int What's his Brother, the other Captain Dumain
Cap. E Why do's he aske him of me?
2385Int What's he?
Par E'ne a Crow a'th same nest: not altogether so
great as the first in goodnesse, but greater a great deale in
euill. He excels his Brother for a coward, yet his Brother
is reputed one of the best that is. In a retreate hee out-
2390runnes any Lackey; marrie in comming on, hee ha's the
Crampe.
Int If your life be saued, will you vndertake to betray
the Florentine.
Par I, and the Captaine of his horse, Count Rossillion
2395Int Ile whisper with the Generall, and knowe his
pleasure.
Par Ile no more drumming, a plague of all drummes,
onely to seeme to deserue well, and to beguile the suppo-
sition
All's Well, that Ends Well
251