Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Rosemary Gaby
Not Peer Reviewed

Henry IV, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1598).


615
Enter Hostesse of the Tauerne, and an Officer or two.
Hostesse Master Phang, haue you entred the action?
Phang It is entred.
Host. Wheres your yeoman? ist a lusty yeoman? wil a stand
too't?
620Phang Sirra, wheres Snare?
Host. O Lord I, good master Snare.
Snare Here, here.
Phang Snare, we must arest sir Iohn Falstaffe.
Host. Yea good master Snare, I haue entred him and all.
625Snare It may chaunce cost some of vs our liues, for he will
stabbe.
Host. Alas the day, take heed of him, he stabd me in mine
owne house, most beastly in good faith, a cares not what mis-
chiefe he does, if his weapon be out, he will foyne like any di-
uell, he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.
Phang If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
Host. No nor I neither, Ile be at your elbow.
Phang And I but fist him once, and a come but within my
view.
635Host. I am vndone by his going, I warrant you, hees an in-
finitiue thing vppon my score, good maister Phang holde him
sure, good master Snare let him not scape, a comes continually
to Pie corner (sauing your manhoods) to buy a saddle, and he
is indited to dinner to the Lubbers head in Lumbert streete to
640master Smooths the silk man, I pray you since my exion is en-
tred, and my case so openly knowne to the worlde, let him be
brought in to his answer, a hundred marke is a long one, for a
poore lone woman to beare, and I haue borne, and borne, and
borne, and haue bin fubd off, and fubd off, and fubd off, from
645this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on, there is
no honesty in such dealing, vnlesse a woman should be made
an asse, and a beast, to beare euery knaues wrong: yonder he
comes, and that arrant malmsie-nose knaue Bardolfe with him,
650do your offices do your offices master Phāng, & master Snare,
do me, do me, do me your offices.
651.1
Enter sir Iohn, and Bardolfe, and the boy.
Falst. How now, whose mare's dead? whats the matter?
Phang I arrest you at the sute of mistris Quickly.
Falst. Away varlets, draw Bardolfe, cut me off the villaines
655head, throw the queane in the channell.
Host. Throw me in the channell? Ile throw thee in the chan-
nel, wilt thou, wilt thou, thou bastardly rogue, murder murder,
a thou honisuckle villaine, wilt thou kill Gods officers and the
Kings? a thou honiseed rogue, thou art a honiseed, a man quel-
660ler, and a woman queller.
Falst. Keepe them off Bardolfe.
661.1Offic. A reskew, a reskew.
Host. Good people bring a reskew or two, thou wot, wot
thou, thou wot, wot ta, do do thou rogue, do thou hempseed.
Boy Away you scullian, you rampallian, you fustilarian, ile
665tickle your catastrophe.
Enter Lord chiefe iustice and his men.
Lord What is the matter? keepe the peace here, ho.
Hostesse Good my lord be good to me, I beseech you stand
to me.
Lord How now sir Iohn, what are you brawling here?
670Doth this become your place, your time, and businesse?
You should haue bin well on your way to Yorke:
Stand from him fellow, wherefore hang'st thou vpon him.
Host. O my most worshipful Lord, and't please your grace
I am a poore widdow of Eastcheape, and he is arrested at my
675sute.
Lord For what summe?
Host. It is more then for some my Lord, it is for al I haue, he
hath eaten me out of house and home, he hath put all my sub-
stance into that fat belly of his, but I wil haue some of it out a-
gaine, or I wil ride thee a nights like the mare.
Falst. I think I am as like to ride the mare if I haue any van-
tage of ground to get vp.
Lord How comes this sir Iohn? what man of good temper
would endure this tempest of exclamation; are you not asha-
685med to inforce a poore widdow, to so rough a course to come
by her owne.
Falst. What is the grosse summe that I owe thee?
Host. Mary if thou wert an honest man, thy selfe and the
mony too: thou didst sweare to me vpon a parcell guilt goblet,
690sitting in my dolphin chamber, at the round table by a sea cole
fire, vpon wednesday in Wheeson weeke, when the prince
broke thy head, for liking his father to a singing man of Win-
sor, thou didst sweare to me thēn, as I was washing thy wound,
to marry me, and make me my lady thy wife, canst thou deny
695it, did not goodwife Keech the butchers wife come in then and
cal me gossip Quickly, comming in to borow a messe of vine-
gar, telling vs she had a good dish of prawnes, whereby thou
didst desire to eate some, whereby I told thee they were ill
for a greene wound, and didst thou not, when she was gone
700down stayers, desire me, to be no more so familiarity, with such
poore people, saying that ere long they should cal me madam,
and didst thou not kisse me, and bid me fetch thee thirtie shil-
lings, I put thee now to thy booke oath, denie it if thon canst.
705Falst. My lord this is a poore made soule, and she saies vp
and downe the towne, that her eldest sonne is like you, she
hath bin in good case, and the trueth is pouerty hath distracted
her, but for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may haue re-
dresse against them.
710Lo. Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, I am wel acquainted with your maner
of wrenching the true cause, the false way: it is not a confident
brow, nor the throng of words that come with such more then
impudent sawcines from you, can thrust me from a leuel con-
sideration: you haue as it appeares to me practisde vpon the
715easie yeelding spirite of this woman, and made her serue your
715.1vses both in purse and in person.
Host. Yea in truth my Lord.
Lo. Pray thee peace, pay her the debt you owe her, and vn-
pay the villany you haue done with her, the one you may doe
with sterling mony, and the other with currant repentance.
720Falst. My Lord I will not vndergoe this snepe without re-
ply, you cal honorable boldnes impudent sawcinesse, if a man
wil make curtsie and say nothing, he is vertuous, no my Lord
my humble duty remembred, I will not bee your suter, I say
to you I do desire deliuerance from these officers, being vpon
725hasty imployment in the Kings affayres.
Lord You speake as hauing power to do wrong, but an-
swer in th'effect of your reputation, and satisfie the poore wo-
man.
Falst. Come hither hostesse.
730Lord Now master Gower, what newes.
enter a messenger.
Gower The King my Lord, and Harry prince of Wales,
Are neare at hand, the rest the paper tells.
Falst. As I am a gentleman!
733.1Host. Faith you said so before.
735Falst. As I am a gentleman, come, no more words of it.
Host. By this heaunly ground I tread on, I must be faine to
pawne both my plate, & the tapestry of my dining chambers-
Falst. Glasses glasses is the onely drinking, and for thy wals
740a pretty sleight drollery, or the storie of the prodigal, or the
Iarman hunting in waterworke, is worth a thousand of these
bed-hangers, and these flie bitten tapestrie, let it be x. l if thou
canst: come, and twere not for thy humors, theres not a better
745wench in England, goe wash thy face and draw the action,
come thou must not be in this humor with me, dost not know
me, come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.
Host. Pray thee sir Iohn let it be but twentie nobles, ifaith
I am loath to pawne my plate so God saue me law.
750Falst. Let it alone, ile make other shift, youle be a foole stil.
Host. Well, you shall haue it, though I pawne my gowne,
I hope youle come to supper, youle pay me al together.
755Falst. Wil I liue? goe with her, with her, hooke on, hooke
on.
exit hostesse and sergeant.
Host. Will you haue Doll Tere-sheet meete you at supper.
Falst. No more words, lets haue her.
760Lord I haue heard better newes.
Falst. Whats the newes my lord?
Lord Where lay the King to night?
Mess. At Billingsgate my Lord.
Falst. I hope my Lord al's wel, what is the newes my lord?
Lord Come all his forces backe?
Mess. No, fifteen hundred foot, fiue hundred horse
Are marcht vp to my lord of Lancaster,
Against Northumberland, and the Archbishop.
770Falst. Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?
Lord You shall haue letters of me presently,
Come, go along with me, good master Gower.
Falst. My lord.
Lord Whats the matter?
775Falstaffe Maister Gower, shall I intreate you with mee to
dinner?
Gower I must waite vpon my good lord here, I thank you
good sir Iohn.
Lord Sir Iohn, you loyter heere too long,
780Being you are to take souldiers vp
In Counties as you go.
Falstaffe Will you suppe with mee maister Gower?
Lord. What foolish maister taught you these manners, sir
Iohn?
Falstaffe Maister Gower, if they become me not, hee was a
785foole that taught them mee: this is the right fencing grace, my
Lord, tap for tap, and so part faire.
Lord Now the Lord lighten thee, thou art a great foole.