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Henry the Fourth, Part Two (Folio 1 1623)

Author: William Shakespeare
Not Peer Reviewed
Scena Secunda.
Enter Shallow and Silence: with Mouldie, Shadow,
Wart, Feeble, Bull-calfe.
Shal. Come-on, come-on, come-on: giue mee your
1535Hand, Sir; giue mee your Hand, Sir: an early stirrer, by
the Rood. And how doth my good Cousin Silence?
Sil. Good-morrow, good Cousin Shallow.
Shal. And how doth my Cousin, your Bed-fellow?
and your fairest Daughter, and mine, my God-Daughter
1540Ellen?
Sil. Alas, a blacke Ouzell (Cousin Shallow.)
Shal. By yea and nay, Sir, I dare say my Cousin William
is become a good Scholler? hee is at Oxford still, is hee
not?
1545Sil. Indeede Sir, to my cost.
Shal. Hee must then to the Innes of Court shortly: I
was once of Clements Inne; where (I thinke) they will
talke of mad Shallow yet.
Sil. You were call'd lustie Shallow then (Cousin.)
1550Shal. I was call'd any thing: and I would haue done
any thing indeede too, and roundly too. There was I, and
little Iohn Doit of Staffordshire, and blacke George Bare,
and Francis Pick-bone, and Will Squele a Cot-sal-man, you
had not foure such Swindge-bucklers in all the Innes of
1555Court againe: And I may say to you, wee knew where
the Bona-Roba's were, and had the best of them all at
commandement. Then was Iacke Falstaffe (now Sir Iohn)
a Boy, and Page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Nor-
folke.
1560Sil. This Sir Iohn (Cousin) that comes hither anon a-
bout Souldiers?
Shal. The same Sir Iohn, the very same: I saw him
breake Scoggan's Head at the Court-Gate, when hee was
a Crack, not thus high: and the very same day did I fight
1565with one Sampson Stock-fish, a Fruiterer, behinde Greyes-Inne.
Oh the mad dayes that I haue spent! and to see
how many of mine olde Acquaintance are dead?
Sil. Wee shall all follow (Cousin.)
Shal. Certaine: 'tis certaine: very sure, very sure:
1570Death is certaine to all, all shall dye. How a good Yoke
of Bullocks at Stamford Fayre?
Sil. Truly Cousin, I was not there.
Shal. Death is certaine. Is old Double of your Towne
liuing yet?
1575Sil. Dead, Sir.
Shal. Dead? See, see: hee drew a good Bow: and
dead? hee shot a fine shoote. Iohn of Gaunt loued
him well, and betted much Money on his head. Dead?
hee would haue clapt in the Clowt at Twelue-score, and
1580carryed you a fore-hand Shaft at foureteene, and foure-
teene and a halfe, that it would haue done a mans heart
good to see. How a score of Ewes now?
Sil. Thereafter as they be: a score of good Ewes
may be worth tenne pounds.
1585Shal. And is olde Double dead?
Enter Bardolph and his Boy.
Sil. Heere come two of Sir Iohn Falstaffes Men (as I
thinke.)
Shal. Good-morrow, honest Gentlemen.
1590Bard. I beseech you, which is Iustice Shallow?
Shal. I am Robert Shallow (Sir) a poore Esquire of this
Countie, and one of the Kings Iustices of the Peace:
What is your good pleasure with me?
Bard. My Captaine (Sir) commends him to you:
1595my Captaine, Sir Iohn Falstaffe: a tall Gentleman, and a
most gallant Leader.
Shal. Hee greetes me well: (Sir) I knew him a
good Back-Sword-man. How doth the good Knight?
may I aske, how my Lady his Wife doth?
1600Bard. Sir, pardon: a Souldier is better accommoda-
ted, then with a Wife.
Shal. It is well said, Sir; and it is well said, indeede,
too: Better accommodated? it is good, yea indeede is
it: good phrases are surely, and euery where very com-
1605mendable. Accommodated, it comes of Accommodo:
very good, a good Phrase.
Bard. Pardon, Sir, I haue heard the word. Phrase
call you it? by this Day, I know not the Phrase: but
I will maintaine the Word with my Sword, to bee a
1610Souldier-like Word, and a Word of exceeding good
Command. Accommodated: that is, when a man is
(as they say) accommodated: or, when a man is, being
whereby he thought to be accommodated, which is an
excellent thing.
1615
Enter Falstaffe.
Shal. It is very iust: Looke, heere comes good Sir
Iohn. Giue me your hand, giue me your Worships good
hand: Trust me, you looke well: and beare your yeares
very well. Welcome, good Sir Iohn.
1620Fal. I am glad to see you well, good M. Robert Shal-
low: Master Sure-card as I thinke?
Shal. No sir Iohn, it is my Cosin Silence: in Commissi-
on with mee.
Fal. Good M. Silence, it well befits you should be of
1625the peace.
Sil. Your good Worship is welcome.
Fal. Fye, this is hot weather (Gentlemen) haue you
prouided me heere halfe a dozen of sufficient men?
Shal. Marry haue we sir: Will you sit?
1630Fal. Let me see them, I beseech you.
Shal. Where's the Roll? Where's the Roll? Where's
the Roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see: so, so, so, so:
yea marry Sir. Raphe Mouldie: let them appeare as I call:
let them do so, let them do so: Let mee see, Where is
1635Mouldie?
Moul. Heere, if it please you.
Shal. What thinke you (Sir Iohn) a good limb'd fel-
low: yong, strong, and of good friends.
Fal. Is thy name Mouldie?
1640Moul. Yea, if it please you.
Fal. 'Tis the more time thou wert vs'd.
Shal. Ha, ha, ha, most excellent. Things that are moul-
die, lacke vse: very singular good. Well saide Sir Iohn,
very well said.
1645Fal. Pricke him.
Moul. I was prickt well enough before, if you could
haue let me alone: my old Dame will be vndone now, for
one to doe her Husbandry, and her Drudgery; you need
not to haue prickt me, there are other men fitter to goe
1650out, then I.
Fal. Go too: peace Mouldie, you shall goe. Mouldie,
it is time you were spent.
Moul. Spent?
Shallow. Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: Know you
1655where you are? For the other sir Iohn: Let me see: Simon
Shadow.
Fal. I marry, let me haue him to sit vnder: he's like to
be a cold souldier.
Shal. Where's Shadow?
1660Shad. Heere sir.
Fal. Shadow, whose sonne art thou?
Shad. My Mothers sonne, Sir.
Falst. Thy Mothers sonne: like enough, and thy Fa-
thers shadow: so the sonne of the Female, is the shadow
1665of the Male: it is often so indeede, but not of the Fathers
substance.
Shal. Do you like him, sir Iohn?
Falst. Shadow will serue for Summer: pricke him: For
wee haue a number of shadowes to fill vppe the Muster-
1670Booke.
Shal. Thomas Wart?
Falst. Where's he?
Wart. Heere sir.
Falst. Is thy name Wart?
1675Wart. Yea sir.
Fal. Thou art a very ragged Wart.
Shal. Shall I pricke him downe,
Sir Iohn?
Falst. It were superfluous: for his apparrel is built vp-
1680on his backe, and the whole frame stands vpon pins: prick
him no more.
Shal. Ha, ha, ha, you can do it sir: you can doe it: I
commend you well.
Francis Feeble.
1685Feeble. Heere sir.
Shal. What Trade art thou Feeble?
Feeble. A Womans Taylor sir.
Shal. Shall I pricke him, sir?
Fal. You may:
1690But if he had beene a mans Taylor, he would haue prick'd
you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemies Bat-
taile, as thou hast done in a Womans petticote?
Feeble. I will doe my good will sir, you can haue no
more.
1695Falst. Well said, good Womans Tailour: Well sayde
Couragious Feeble: thou wilt bee as valiant as the wrath-
full Doue, or most magnanimous Mouse. Pricke the wo-
mans Taylour well Master Shallow, deepe Maister Shal-
low.
1700Feeble. I would Wart might haue gone sir.
Fal. I would thou wert a mans Tailor, that yu might'st
mend him, and make him fit to goe. I cannot put him to
a priuate souldier, that is the Leader of so many thou-
sands. Let that suffice, most Forcible Feeble.
1705Feeble. It shall suffice.
Falst. I am bound to thee, reuerend Feeble. Who is
the next?
Shal. Peter Bulcalfe of the Greene.
Falst. Yea marry, let vs see Bulcalfe.
1710Bul. Heere sir.
Fal. Trust me, a likely Fellow. Come, pricke me Bul-
calfe till he roare againe.
Bul. Oh, good my Lord Captaine.
Fal. What? do'st thou roare before th'art prickt.
1715Bul. Oh sir, I am a diseased man.
Fal. What disease hast thou?
Bul. A whorson cold sir, a cough sir, which I caught
with Ringing in the Kings affayres, vpon his Coronation
day, sir.
1720Fal. Come, thou shalt go to the Warres in a Gowne:
we will haue away thy Cold, and I will take such order,
that thy friends shall ring for thee. Is heere all?
Shal. There is two more called then your number:
you must haue but foure heere sir, and so I pray you go in
1725with me to dinner.
Fal. Come, I will goe drinke with you, but I cannot
tarry dinner. I am glad to see you in good troth, Master
Shallow.
Shal. O sir Iohn, doe you remember since wee lay all
1730night in the Winde-mill, in S. Georges Field.
Falstaffe. No more of that good Master Shallow: No
more of that.
Shal. Ha? it was a merry night. And is Iane Night-
worke aliue?
1735Fal. She liues, M. Shallow.
Shal. She neuer could away with me.
Fal. Neuer, neuer: she would alwayes say shee could
not abide M. Shallow.
Shal. I could anger her to the heart: shee was then a
1740Bona-Roba. Doth she hold her owne well.
Fal. Old, old, M. Shallow.
Shal. Nay, she must be old, she cannot choose but be
old: certaine shee's old: and had Robin Night-worke, by
old Night-worke, before I came to Clements Inne.
1745Sil. That's fiftie fiue yeeres agoe.
Shal. Hah, Cousin Silence, that thou hadst seene that,
that this Knight and I haue seene: hah, Sir Iohn, said I
well?
Falst. Wee haue heard the Chymes at mid-night, Ma-
1750ster Shallow.
Shal. That wee haue, that wee haue; in faith, Sir Iohn,
wee haue: our watch-word was, Hem-Boyes. Come,
let's to Dinner; come, let's to Dinner: Oh the dayes that
wee haue seene. Come, come.
1755Bul. Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my
friend, and heere is foure Harry tenne shillings in French
Crownes for you: in very truth, sir, I had as lief be hang'd
sir, as goe: and yet, for mine owne part, sir, I do not care;
but rather, because I am vnwilling, and for mine owne
1760part, haue a desire to stay with my friends: else, sir, I did
not care, for mine owne part, so much.
Bard. Go-too: stand aside.
Mould. And good Master Corporall Captaine, for my
old Dames sake, stand my friend: shee hath no body to
1765doe any thing about her, when I am gone: and she is old,
and cannot helpe her selfe: you shall haue fortie, sir.
Bard. Go-too: stand aside.
Feeble. I care not, a man can die but once: wee owe a
death. I will neuer beare a base minde: if it be my desti-
1770nie, so: if it be not, so: no man is too good to serue his
Prince: and let it goe which way it will, he that dies this
yeere, is quit for the next.
Bard. Well said, thou art a good fellow.
Feeble. Nay, I will beare no base minde.
1775Falst. Come sir, which men shall I haue?
Shal. Foure of which you please.
Bard. Sir, a word with you: I haue three pound, to
free Mouldie and Bull-calfe.
Falst. Go-too: well.
1780Shal. Come, sir Iohn, which foure will you haue?
Falst. Doe you chuse for me.
Shal. Marry then, Mouldie, Bull-calfe, Feeble, and
Shadow.
Falst. Mouldie, and Bull-calfe: for you Mouldie, stay
1785at home, till you are past seruice: and for your part, Bull-
calfe, grow till you come vnto it: I will none of you.
Shal. Sir Iohn, Sir Iohn, doe not your selfe wrong, they
are your likelyest men, and I would haue you seru'd with
the best.
1790Falst. Will you tell me (Master Shallow) how to chuse
a man? Care I for the Limbe, the Thewes, the stature,
bulke, and bigge assemblance of a man? giue mee the
spirit (Master Shallow.) Where's Wart? you see what
a ragged appearance it is: hee shall charge you, and
1795discharge you, with the motion of a Pewterers Ham-
mer: come off, and on, swifter then hee that gibbets on
the Brewers Bucket. And this same halfe-fac'd fellow,
Shadow, giue me this man: hee presents no marke to the
Enemie, the foe-man may with as great ayme leuell at
1800the edge of a Pen-knife: and for a Retrait, how swiftly
will this Feeble, the Womans Taylor, runne off. O, giue
me the spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a
Calyuer into Warts hand, Bardolph.
Bard. Hold Wart, Trauerse: thus, thus, thus.
1805Falst. Come, manage me your Calyuer: so: very well,
go-too, very good, exceeding good. O, giue me alwayes
a little, leane, old, chopt, bald Shot. Well said Wart, thou
art a good Scab: hold, there is a Tester for thee.
Shal. Hee is not his Crafts-master, hee doth not doe
1810it right. I remember at Mile-end-Greene, when I lay
at Clements Inne, I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthurs
Show: there was a little quiuer fellow, and hee would
manage you his Peece thus: and hee would about,
and about, and come you in, and come you in: Rah,
1815tah, tah, would hee say, Bownce would hee say, and
away againe would hee goe, and againe would he come:
I shall neuer see such a fellow.
Falst. These fellowes will doe well, Master Shallow.
Farewell Master Silence, I will not vse many wordes with
1820you: fare you well, Gentlemen both: I thanke you:
I must a dozen mile to night. Bardolph, giue the Souldiers
Coates.
Shal. Sir Iohn, Heauen blesse you, and prosper your
Affaires, and send vs Peace. As you returne, visit
1825my house. Let our old acquaintance be renewed: per-
aduenture I will with you to the Court.
Falst. I would you would, Master Shallow.
Shal. Go-too: I haue spoke at a word. Fare you
well.
Exit.
1830Falst. Fare you well, gentle Gentlemen. On Bar-
dolph, leade the men away. As I returne, I will fetch off
these Iustices: I doe see the bottome of Iustice Shal-
low. How subiect wee old men are to this vice of Ly-
ing? This same staru'd Iustice hath done nothing but
1835prate to me of the wildenesse of his Youth, and the
Feates hee hath done about Turnball-street, and euery
third word a Lye, duer pay'd to the hearer, then the
Turkes Tribute. I doe remember him at Clements Inne,
like a man made after Supper, of a Cheese-paring. When
1840hee was naked, hee was, for all the world, like a forked
Radish, with a Head fantastically caru'd vpon it with a
Knife. Hee was so forlorne, that his Dimensions (to
any thicke sight) were inuincible. Hee was the very
Genius of Famine: hee came euer in the rere-ward of
1845the Fashion: And now is this Vices Dagger become a
Squire, and talkes as familiarly of Iohn of Gaunt, as if
hee had beene sworne Brother to him: and Ile be sworne
hee neuer saw him but once in the Tilt-yard, and then he
burst his Head, for crowding among the Marshals men.
1850I saw it, and told Iohn of Gaunt, hee beat his owne
Name, for you might haue truss'd him and all his Ap-
parrell into an Eele-skinne: the Case of a Treble Hoe-
boy was a Mansion for him: a Court: and now hath
hee Land, and Beeues. Well, I will be acquainted with
1855him, if I returne: and it shall goe hard, but I will make
him a Philosophers two Stones to me. If the young
Dace be a Bayt for the old Pike, I see no reason, in the
Law of Nature, but I may snap at him. Let time shape,
and there an end.
Exeunt.