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Henry IV, Part 1 (Quarto 1, 1598)

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Rosemary Gaby
Not Peer Reviewed
2375
Enter Falstalffe, Bardoll.
Falst. Bardol get thee before to Couentry, fill me a bottle of
Sacke, our souldiors shall march through. Weele to Sutton cop-
hill to night.
Bar. Will you giue me money captaine?
2380Fal. Lay out, lay out.
Bar. This bottell makes an angel.
Fal. And if it do, take it for thy labour, and if it make twenty
take them all, ile answere the coynage, bid my Liuetenant Peto
meet me at townes end.
2385Bar. I will captaine, farewell.
Exit
Fal. If I be not ashamed of my soldiours, I am a souct gurnet,
I haue misused the kinges presse damnablie. I haue got in ex-
change of 150. soldiours 300. and odde poundes. I presse me
2390none but good houshoulders, Yeomans sonnes, inquire me out
contracted batchelers, such as had been askt twice on the banes,
such a commodity of warme slaues, as had as lieue heare the
Diuell as a drumme, such as feare the report of a Caliuer, worse
then a strucke foule, or a hurt wild ducke: I prest mee none but
2395such tostes and butter with hearts in their bellies no bigger then
pinnes heades, and they haue bought out their seruices, and
now my whole charge consists of Ancients, Corporals, Lieu-
tenants, gentlemen of companies: slaues as ragged as Lazarus in
2400the painted cloth, where the gluttons dogs licked his sores, and
such as indeed were neuer souldiours, but discarded, vniust ser-
uingmen, yonger sonnes to yonger brothers, reuolted tapsters,
and Ostlers, tradefalne, the cankers of a calme world, and a long
2405peace, ten times more dishonourable ragged then an olde fazd
ancient, and such haue I to fill vp the roomes of them as haue
bought out their seruices, that you woulde thinke that I had a
hundred and fiftie tottered prodigals, latelie come from swine
keeping, from eating draffe and husks. A mad fellowe met mee
2410on the way, and tolde mee I had vnloaded all the Gibbets, and
prest the dead bodies. No eye hath seene such skarcrowes. Ile
not march through Couentry with them, thats flat: nay, and
the villains march wide betwixt the legs as if they had giues on,
2415for indeede I had the most of them out of prison, theres not a
shert and a halfe in all my companie, and the halfe shert is two
napkins tackt togither, and throwne ouer the shoulders like a
Heralds coate without sleeues, and the shert to say the trueth
2420stolne from my host at S. Albones, or the red-nose Inkeeper of
Dauintry, but thats all one, theile find linnen inough on euerie
hedge.
Enter the Prince, Lord of Westmerland.
Prin. How now blowne iacke? how now quilt?
2425Fal. What Hal, how now mad wag? what a diuel dost thou in
Warwickshire? My good Lo. of Westmerland, I cry you mercy,
I thought your honour had alreadie bin at shrewesburie.
West. Faith sir Iohn tis more then time that I were there, and
2430you too but my powers are there already, the king I can tel you
lookes for vs all, we must away all night.
Falst. Tut neuer feare mee, I am as vigilant as a Cat to steale
Creame.
2435Prin. I thinke to steale Creame indeed, for thy theft hath al-
readie made thee butter, but tell me iacke, whose fellowes are
these that come after?
Falst. Mine Hall, mine.
Prince. I did neuer see such pitifull rascals.
2440Falst. Tut, tut, good inough to tosse, foode for powder, foode
for powder, theile fill a pit as well as better; tush man mortall
men, mortal men.
West. I but sir Iohn, me thinkes they are exceeding poore and
bare too beggerly.
2445Falst. Faith for their pouerty I know not where they had that,
and for their barenesse I am sure they neuer learnd that of me.
Prin. No ile be sworne, vnlesse you call three fingers in the ribs
bare, but sirrha make haste, Percy is already in the field.
Exit.
Fal. What is the king incampt?
West. He is sir Iohn I feare we shal stay too long.
Fal. Wel, to the latter end of a fray, and the beginning of a feast
2455fits a dul fighter and a kene guest.
Exeunt.