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Henry IV, Part 1 (Folio 1 1623)

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Rosemary Gaby
Not Peer Reviewed
Scæna Secunda.
2375
Enter Falstaffe and Bardolph.
Falst. Bardolph, get thee before to Couentry, fill me a
Bottle of Sack, our Souldiers shall march through: wee'le
to Sutton-cop-hill to Night.
Bard. Will you giue me Money, Captaine?
2380Falst. Lay out, lay out.
Bard. This Bottle makes an Angell.
Falst. And if it doe, take it for thy labour: and if it
make twentie, take them all, Ile answere the Coynage.
Bid my Lieutenant Peto meete me at the Townes end.
2385Bard. I will Captaine: farewell.
Exit.
Falst. If I be not asham'd of my Souldiers, I am a
sowc't-Gurnet: I haue mis-vs'd the Kings Presse dam-
nably. I haue got, in exchange of a hundred and fiftie
Souldiers, three hundred and odde Pounds. I presse me
2390none but good House-holders, Yeomens Sonnes: enquire
me out contracted Batchelers, such as had beene ask'd
twice on the Banes: such a Commoditie of warme slaues,
as had as lieue heare the Deuill, as a Drumme; such as
feare the report of a Caliuer, worse then a struck-Foole,
2395or a hurt wilde-Ducke. I prest me none but such Tostes
and Butter, with Hearts in their Bellyes no bigger then
Pinnes heads, and they haue bought out their seruices:
And now, my whole Charge consists of Ancients, Cor-
porals, Lieutenants, Gentlemen of Companies, Slaues as
2400ragged as Lazarus in the painted Cloth, where the Glut-
tons Dogges licked his Sores; and such, as indeed were
neuer Souldiers, but dis-carded vniust Seruingmen, youn-
ger Sonnes to younger Brothers, reuolted Tapsters and
Ostlers, Trade-falne, the Cankers of a calme World, and
2405long Peace, tenne times more dis-honorable ragged,
then an old-fac'd Ancient; and such haue I to fill vp the
roomes of them that haue bought out their seruices: that
you would thinke, that I had a hundred and fiftie totter'd
Prodigalls, lately come from Swine-keeping, from eating
2410Draffe and Huskes. A mad fellow met me on the way,
and told me, I had vnloaded all the Gibbets, and prest the
dead bodyes. No eye hath seene such skar-Crowes: Ile
not march through Couentry with them, that's flat. Nay,
and the Villaines march wide betwixt the Legges, as if
2415they had Gyues on; for indeede, I had the most of them
out of Prison. There's not a Shirt and a halfe in all my
Company: and the halfe Shirt is two Napkins tackt to-
gether, and throwne ouer the shoulders like a Heralds
Coat, without sleeues: and the Shirt, to say the truth,
2420stolne from my Host of S. Albones, or the Red-Nose
Inne-keeper of Dauintry. But that's all one, they'le finde
Linnen enough on euery Hedge.
Enter the Prince, and the Lord of Westmerland.
Prince. How now blowne Iack? how now Quilt?
2425Falst. What Hal? How now mad Wag, what a Deuill
do'st thou in Warwickshire? My good Lord of West-
merland, I cry you mercy, I thought your Honour had al-
ready beene at Shrewsbury.
West. 'Faith, Sir Iohn, 'tis more then time that I were
2430there, and you too: but my Powers are there alreadie.
The King, I can tell you, lookes for vs all: we must away
all to Night.
Falst. Tut, neuer feare me, I am as vigilant as a Cat, to
steale Creame.
2435Prince. I thinke to steale Creame indeed, for thy theft
hath alreadie made thee Butter: but tell me, Iack, whose
fellowes are these that come after?
Falst. Mine, Hal, mine.
Prince. I did neuer see such pittifull Rascals.
2440Falst. Tut, tut, good enough to tosse: foode for Pow-
der, foode for Powder: they'le fill a Pit, as well as better:
tush man, mortall men, mortall men.
Westm. I, but Sir Iohn, me thinkes they are exceeding
poore and bare, too beggarly.
2445Falst. Faith, for their pouertie, I know not where they
had that; and for their barenesse, I am sure they neuer
learn'd that of me.
Prince. No, Ile be sworne, vnlesse you call three fingers
on the Ribbes bare. But sirra, make haste, Percy is already
2450in the field.
Falst. What, is the King encamp'd?
Westm. Hee is, Sir Iohn, I feare wee shall stay too
long.
Falst. Well, to the latter end of a Fray, and the begin-
2455ning of a Feast, fits a dull fighter, and a keene Guest.
Exeunt.